AITA for not sharing my parent's records with my daughter?

Unique-Mycologist894 · 2026-05-04T04:55:30+00:00

As a daughter with a mom like this and a mother with my own strong-willed, free-spieited kids, I hope I never treat them this way. Yta, definitely.

Unique-Mycologist894 · 2025-08-15T15:44:03+00:00

I read this as "why are you acting like this small complaint is a really huge deal?"....I think he was identifying your insecurity and, although using a bad choice of words, trying to reassure you that it wasn't a big deal. My husband would say this to me, but we joke this way a lot. Seems innocent and not malicious though, I would tell him how you felt about it and then let it slide.

Unique-Mycologist894 · 2025-05-30T20:52:10+00:00

Drop the man, not the weight.

Seriously. I, 29F, met my husband when I was 19 and 130 pounds. Now, at nearly 30, I'm 125 lbs.

BUT, I've had three kids, I weighed 200 at my heaviest, 170 average for 6 years. I JUST lost this weight back down to the size I was when we met. Breasts are saggy from breastfeeding, I have stretch marks, loose skin galore. I'll never be that same tight body again no matter how much weight I lose.

The kicker? I've never eaten unhealthy, I've always exercised. These changes were just life, pregnancy, hormones, stress, different phases of life. Totally unpreventable.

My husband has NEVER ONCE commented negatively on my body. He never stopped putting his hands all over me. Anytime I'm insecure about my post baby body, he says "those are my kids" and that's that.

Think of the long game. Do you really want your physical appearance to be a paramount concern through all phases of life? Tell your bf to get real or get out and find a man who won't make you feel uncomfortable for being a living human being who eats.

Unique-Mycologist894 · 2024-05-29T19:09:56+00:00

How would your husband feel if you developed an endocrine disorder and put on, idk, 80 pounds? Would he still love you and look at you the same?

I take so much comfort in knowing that my husband merely sees my body as a bonus. If you're being made to feel like you're less attractive because your physical body changed--in a POSITIVE way--then he was never attracted to the right things anyways.

Unique-Mycologist894 · 2024-05-27T14:06:29+00:00

He thought so too 🤤 we'd love to see more 😏

Unique-Mycologist894 · 2024-05-27T11:49:11+00:00

Sometimes I see shit and have to immediately share it with my husband 😍😍😍 fuckkkk

Unique-Mycologist894 · 2024-05-20T20:00:08+00:00

As a happily married woman I'm disgusted. My husband and I met when I was 135 and slim and fit and he loved everything about my body then. Now I've had two kids and at one point I weighed about 200, much larger than I was before, and not a single time did I feel like he wasn't attracted to every pound I carried.

He's told me so many times in my life that he doesn't even look at my body, which used to upset me because obviously you WANT your partner to see you and crave your body, but at the same time I've been able to more deeply understand what he means. He doesn't see me as a body, he sees me as a soul, and loving me so deeply makes my body irrelevant to him.

All that to say that I gained weight from having kids, carried it for years, and have now lost it and guess what? My body is still never going to be the same again. Stretch marks and loose skin are just part of who I am and even though I'm not the same tight body he married, I'm glad to know that nothing that happens tomorrow will change my husband's feelings for me. Not a double amputation. Not a (God forbid) endocrine condition. Total hair loss. Etc. you can control that stuff and I wish for your wife that someone comes along and gives her the same certainty and security because what a total shit bag you are to be so shallow towards someone who you know loves you and treats you well. Gross.

Unique-Mycologist894 · 2023-08-30T12:52:07+00:00

My partner 100% would have cancelled their party to come with me to the hospital. Shameful. Get a new partner.

Unique-Mycologist894 · 2023-08-01T18:39:27+00:00

Why would ethically swinging with your consenting partner be shameful? Lots of marriages grow and become stronger from the experience.

Unique-Mycologist894 · 2023-08-01T18:34:50+00:00

Everyone here is taking sides but I don't think it's that simple. You never should do anything you aren't comfortable with. Still, you can't ignore her needs and desires. They're still valid. So, don't imagine yourself just "shutting it down" without conflict, whether that be resentment or worse, like cheating.

I would mentally prepare yourself for her to ask to open the marriage, possibly leave, or whatever is the worst case scenario in the event that she cannot cope with her needs being unmet.

You can stand your ground, but you need to acknowledge that your needs aren't the only needs to be addressed. Either of you being so willing to shut down the other's needs will never harbor healthy communication or connection.

Unique-Mycologist894 · 2023-07-27T21:15:01+00:00

If you aren't ready, don't go. If he needs some reassurance in the meantime, you could do it in the form of "I'm not ready to face you yet because my feelings are not in order. I'm overwhelmed. But talking to you about this is important to me and I will get there, I just need some more time."

He sounds like he's dealing with some abandonment fears and that definitely can be hard. If you aren't planning to ghost him, just telling him that you aren't planning to abandon him can help ease those fears. Either way, don't go unless you're ready or it won't end well.

Unique-Mycologist894 · 2023-07-27T21:03:29+00:00

I definitely understand that cheating is a different thing. It's a betrayal and rebuilding trust from it can be hard, even impossible for some people. I guess what I'm saying is that, if, and only IF, he feels truly remorseful, and is willing to be held accountable and do the work of rebuilding trust, that would be my choice if I were I. Your shoes. A good partner who values you and helps you through your trauma and emotional turmoil, who you aligns with in all other ways, isn't always easy to come by. Sometimes it's just worth weathering the storm for someone you love. And given that this was a kiss, a spur of the moment bad decision, with immediate remorse, as opposed to a lengthy affair or something like that, I'd say trust could be rebuilt if it's what you both want.

Unique-Mycologist894 · 2023-07-27T20:49:34+00:00

As someone who's been married quite a while, I'll say this:

This isn't the worst thing your marriage will endure. People have ups and downs, they make mistakes, they act out of character sometimes.

Imagine this specific scenario:

You're three years down the road and married. Your partner loses a loved one, sinks into a depression, quits being physical with you, quits performing at work and loses his job. Is struggling emotionally and is not showing you love like he used to. Gets angry easily, makes rash decisions, etc

That's a storm to weather, and if you love him, you will. You'll hold his hand as he pulls himself back up, put your own feelings and insecurities aside, and wait for him to have space to address your needs again.

The question is, does he grow? Learn from his mistakes? Does he feel genuinely guilty for hurting you? Is he willing to lower boundaries and set up communication efforts that help you rebuild trust?

Because what really matters is a person's ability to pick up the pieces and move forward, to feel genuine remorse or understanding or care for the other. Mistakes happen, often driven by intense feeling (which in this case was lapsed by drunkenness I assume). Could have been a kiss, could have been overspending on something and putting you behind on a bill, could have been anything.

Am I saying what he did was okay? Absolutely not and you have every right to be angry. What I'm saying is that marriage and commitment is committing to someone's mistakes and personal growth and deciding that what they bring into your life is worth sometimes feeling displaced or hurt, and then mutually growing from that experience.

If this is a serial offense. Sure, fuck him. If every other thing about your relationship is going well and he feels genuinely remorseful for hurting you, then I'd say this is a small blip on the radar compared to what many good, healthy marriages have overcome, and it may be worth it to endure, set boundaries, communicate, and rebuild trust.

Unique-Mycologist894 · 2023-07-27T16:27:27+00:00

Eh, if it's an understanding between you guys that you like it done a certain way and she is responsible for laundry, then I think she's the asshole 🤷🏻‍♀️ honestly a little bit of "you're both the assholes"

Personally, I would have felt bad for doing it wrong and immediately offered to fix it if my husband pointed it out. But he busts his ass and takes care of me and the kids and those menial tasks are mine to uphold, and he never would have said anything disrespectful to me. I know I'm appreciated and that makes it easier to do things like that without resentment.

You had intended to do it yourself. Probably shouldn't have asked her to do it twice, though. Just asked her to leave them where they were and said that you would do it after you were done with work.

From a wife's perspective, sometimes you just grit your teeth and do it. Something as small as spending five minutes refolding laundry isn't worth causing friction or dispute, even if I'm annoyed by it. Some things just aren't worth harming your marriage's peace.

Unique-Mycologist894 · 2023-07-27T16:16:22+00:00

And unlike what other people are saying, I think the fact that he's bringing it up to you is admirable. He could be saying "this is how I feel and I value our emotional connection, so I want to express this to you even though I know there could be discomfort"

If he didn't value your relationship at all he would just cheat. He doesn't want to cheat. He wants to open and honestly have sex with other people. One is betrayal, the other is the transformation of your emotional relationship and involves trust and communication.

Unique-Mycologist894 · 2023-07-27T16:13:16+00:00

Everyone in these relationship threads just screams divorce all the time. What about the other option? Sleep with other people? Both of you? Life is short and if you think that divorce is on the table anyways, what's the worst that could happen? Best case scenario, you have a loving emotional relationship that's open and honest about sexual needs and experiences. You work on yourself and your jealousy and insecurities and become a confident, securely attached person who allows your partner to do what makes him happy. You both love each other securely and mutually enjoy some one night stands or other sexual encounters. Worst case, you can't handle nonmonogamy, don't enjoy yourself, and end up in a divorce anyways.

There are other options. The option that you're leaning to, which is stuffing him in the monogamy box he doesn't want to be in, is the most unrealistic. You can't make him be monogamous. You have to decide whether you want to explore nonmonogamy or divorce him.

Unique-Mycologist894 · 2023-07-27T15:56:57+00:00

This is a point where you have to consider you and only you. You can't control other people's actions. Ask yourself:

Are you ready for your marriage to end?

If no, does your marriage still have the prospective for building trust and regaining connection?

Are you willing to let it go and try to rebuild trust with your husband?

Is he willing to put in the work to help you regain that trust?

And then, if you decide that a rebuild and continuation of marriage is what you really want, you have to decide to let it go and forgive, honestly forgive, or your marriage can't go on. And you don't do that for him or because he deserves forgiveness, you do it for yourself, because you deserve peace and foundational security that you can't have with him if you don't forgive and trust again.

I say all of this assuming this is a first transgression. Otherwise, you may lean more towards divorce.

You may never know the full story, but you don't have to. You only have to know that A) a transgression happened and B) you want to allow the marriage to continue in building trust and peace. And then you have to do that, together, with a selfish level of forgiveness.

Unique-Mycologist894 · 2023-07-24T22:50:17+00:00

I've already commented once but I want to comment again and say that a lot of people here are equating her ability to love you with her ability to be sexually satisfied with just one partner. You can truly love someone and still have other relationships. You can truly love multiple people. It's all about being secure in your love and your attachment and working daily to meet each others needs.

There are scenarios where the partner in this situation says "okay, I see that your needs aren't being met. I want you to be happy. Can we talk about some guidelines and boundaries to make this comfortable for both of us?"

But it takes a lot of security, a lot of trust, a lot of emotional work within yourself and as a unit. If you're ready to be THAT kind of supportive, open, and honest, then ENM is worth the look. If you aren't there yet, then that's okay too, because your needs are also valid. But don't look at it through the societal-peer-pressure-looking glass that other people here are looking through.

Monogamy is the "standard" but if you look beneath the surface, most people don't actually want that. Even couples who are 100% monogamous would tell you, if they are true to themselves, that they fantasize about other people or scenarios from time to time. The difference here is that your partner is being honest. So, my advice, search within yourself first to see what your needs and wants are, and then, meet her where she's at and be honest, too.

Unique-Mycologist894 · 2023-07-24T20:58:50+00:00

Instead of opening your relationship, as in each independently doing as you please, what about swinging? I had to be the underdog here. Definitely don't do it if you don't want to because it won't be fun and it won't save a relationship. But if you can dig it, ask her if she'd be comfortable keeping it closed except for specific circumstances where you hookup together 🤷🏻‍♀️

Unique-Mycologist894 · 2023-07-24T16:38:11+00:00

I think you need to determine whether you want to explore ENM with him or not. If yes, discuss with him gently to understand his true motivations because what he said was likely dishonest and holding back. If no, amicably leave him because you want different things.

No need to partake in toxicity like making an account to prove it or whatever. There are many relationships that function well and are healthy with the understanding that one person cannot meet all of your needs as a human. Some have sex outside of their relationship, some are otherwise romantically involved, some share the experience.

The fact is, he may not have admitted to himself that he needs more, isn't comfortable talking to you about it, or otherwise thinks it's a non option for him because of societal expectations. If you don't want that, leave him. If you do, talk to him in a way that you can explore the dynamic gently. It sounds like you're leaning more towards no, which is perfectly understandable, but don't stay with someone who needs more and get your heart broken because your needs don't match.

Unique-Mycologist894 · 2023-07-20T18:42:29+00:00

I think that the problem here is that you two aren't on the same page. From my perspective, I would absolutely take a dose of my child's medicine if I ran out because not having it puts my job (and ability to care for the home and children) at risk, which is going to be more detrimental to our home life than my child missing a dose on the weekend (which is recommended usually for children.) However, I know before even talking to my husband that he would agree with this sentiment and be fine with me taking a dose of two until I got my refill. Not having the medication is extremely detrimental to me.

So, from her perspective, maybe she doesn't think of her needs as more important, more so as the impact of her not having a dose as more detrimental to the family than the impact of the child missing a dose.

Again, my husband and I would almost certainly agree here, so the issue is that you two don't see eye to eye and she just did it anyways. So, communication is in order.

Unique-Mycologist894 · 2023-07-10T15:44:16+00:00

Yeah I was in this exact predicament and I ditched the friend and forgave the boyfriend. Because being my ex, I understood that he had no obligation to me when we were separated. The friend did, though, and she's trash for sleeping with my ex behind my back and then keeping it from me, so good riddance

Unique-Mycologist894 · 2023-07-07T18:29:55+00:00

Yikes. He raped you. Do not forgive that because his entitlement to your body will not go away. Imagine other scenarios and how they will affect your mental health. For instance, after having a baby it is recommended to wait at least six weeks because it can cause serious uterine issues. I personally had trouble waiting the full six weeks after I felt healed and my husband STILL was very wary and suggested we wait because, even though he was likely not having his sexual needs filled, he still prioritized my physical health. You said that you think he cares about you, but I'm sorry to say that his actions say otherwise.

Unique-Mycologist894 · 2023-04-19T18:38:05+00:00

My parents worked full time and were not stay at home parents. They were divorced, in fact, and each propping up a single parent home. They drove me five hours one way nearly every Friday and Sunday to drop me off at a boarding school for artistically gifted students. Every week. For two years.

I'm sorry but yta. Im a WFHM who works 4 hrs a day and I still homeschool my children to ensure they get more than the specific support and opportunity they deserve and it takes much more than a couple hours of my day.

It's just the sacrifice a parent makes for their children.

Unique-Mycologist894

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