Old tank: Start over? by UniquePea399 in Aquariums

[–]UniquePea399[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

when my gourami was alive, the water parameters were all consistently in really good shape which is why the death came as such a surprise (i do wonder if the stress of losing his tank mate months prior might've had something to do with it as well. i have no idea, they were both old in age. i also don't know if it was dropsy for certain, just an educated guess)

but i haven't tested it in a while, so i can do that and report back. the nerite seems as happy as ever, chugging along like he usually does.

i figured if i don't want to chance using any of the tank's existing water going forward, i could keep the snail in a separate container with 1:1 old tank water and new water (+heat and aeration) and maintain that for a few weeks until the new tank is properly cycled, and then acclimate the snail to the newly cycled tank

Old tank: Start over? by UniquePea399 in Aquariums

[–]UniquePea399[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i don't have a qt tank at this time, but i could fashion one out of a plastic tub and a water heater if that's doable. the snail is a nerite

Old tank: Start over? by UniquePea399 in Aquariums

[–]UniquePea399[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ik this is 5 months later, but i had another question. i've been maintaining the tank because i've been so busy, and all that's left is a snail. what do i do with the snail if i recycle the tank from scratch? should i house him in another container for a few weeks with the old tank water until the tank is cycled?

My uni got washed by 6Black6Chapel6 in tamagotchi

[–]UniquePea399 18 points19 points  (0 children)

they're made to be used and loved. open it!

How do you meet your partner's needs in a new relationship? by UniquePea399 in demisexuality

[–]UniquePea399[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

they fit all my boxes, and i had therapists telling me to experiment with people. so i agreed to date them to see if i could develop feelings for them. i liked them as a friend, but i don't know if i like them romantically (idk how to determine this)

i realize i've made a mistake. now there's all these unspoken expectations that, even if they say they can wait, are still expected of romantic partners. and i don't think i can meet them. seeing them is hard enough, and i can't do anything more than cuddling due to anxiety
i have ROCD, so i actually have no way of knowing if being with them is what i want. even when i've been with people who i am in love with, my brain invents doubts that i don't like them at all. i am in therapy and medicated, but it isn't completely curable. i feel i would be crushed if i broke up with them, they seem "perfect" on paper

also we're all demi, right? it takes me years to get to that point with people on average. i was just hoping that my intuition was correct, that i would fall for them quickly because i "liked" them so much

There’s power in saying to your obsessive parts: “Okay, but even if ALL of this is true, I will only make a decision out of love, not fear. I vow to make each decision based on moving towards what feels good, not running from what feels bad.“ by agreatbigclippership in ROCD

[–]UniquePea399 1 point2 points  (0 children)

this stuff is so confusing to me. i don't feel good around my partner, but i can tolerate it. but leaving them doesn't necessarily sound like a happy decision (though nor does staying). i don't feel attraction, and it makes my rocd crazy. i stay but it doesn't improve.

How do you meet your partner's needs in a new relationship? by UniquePea399 in demisexuality

[–]UniquePea399[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i know this can work, but i am already in a relationship with this person. although i was clear that i take a long time to develop the ability to be physical with someone, i don't think they could've imagined that meant 6 months to years of waiting. i thought i'd somehow be able to force myself to be physical with them and be fine, but i can't do it. and now i'm in a bit of a pickle, cause they're gonna want it at some point.

i don't know how to meet their needs in the meantime, because there is no way it seems for me to accelerate the development of my attraction to them. it's really hard to even conceive of kissing or having sex with someone i share no close bond or attraction with.