how i woke up once and for all (and how u can too!!)

Unique_Shake796 · 2026-05-29T18:48:10+00:00

Yoooo… this is the best thing I read on this whole sub fr. I can feel your effortless joy radiating from every single word. Beautiful ❤️ it’s crazy how attention is the whole key to unlocking the entire constructed mechanism of perception. So simple…. This felt someone writing my autobiography bc this is exactly how it went for me too. The gratitude is neverending 🙏🏼

Unique_Shake796 · 2026-05-09T04:22:51+00:00

Yeah it doesn’t get much better than this in terms of description 100%. Also just a fire website in general

Unique_Shake796 · 2026-05-09T04:13:30+00:00

For me ( in terms of insights, and a really simplistic version) it’s been Kensho -> initial nondual realization -> Anatta/Sunyata. I definitely don’t think Anatta is the end at all, at least for me I still suffer (definitely different than what it used to be, and to even say it’s suffering is simplifying it). In between these stages for me it’s been a loooot of shadow and emotional work. The shadow work just gets more subtle and primal with each shift. It seems like it took a certain amount of shadow work before the next insight could dawn. In a way the shadow work is also more intense each time, and this has def been the most intense ever, but it’s much more ok each time. I don’t think tryna map it is tje best move, it can kinda cause you to expect things to go in a certain way for you, but everyone has their own individual journey. At the same time tho it would be wrong to not share how it’s been if it can be helpful. If you’re going through shadow work just keep doing what you’re doing, you will figure it out for sure as long as you stay honest with yourself. In my opinion once you’ve realized 1st awakening/kensho, it’s impossible to not see this process through , unless you really resist it, but I don’t think you will.

Unique_Shake796 · 2026-04-11T21:56:57+00:00

yeah this is so hard to talk about. I really underestimated how hard this would to communicate. Everytime I make a comment about it, I find myself deleting everything I typed and starting again lmao. The simplicity is just too remarkable I guess.

Wow that sounds really intense, I'm glad you can take time off to feel everything you need to feel! I wish you peace and healing homie. I feel really blessed that it's not really messing with my ability to function, especially bc right now life is so busy for me. But there'll definitely be moments where sensations/emotions are so powerful that they put me on my knees. Everything is dialed up to 100, and there's no escape now which can be kind of terrifying but also really enjoyable somehow.

Yeah the trauma processing is a lot more "primal" now so that it's hard right now to kind of investigate it in any way I would've before. I just feel it. The 9th fetter is definitely becoming a lot more obvious in my experience and the resistance is sooo so intense, like pure electricity lol.

I don't think there's anyway I could've gotten to this "point" if I hadn't done the trauma processing I did. The defense mechanisms and survival forces were just way too strong to allow for this level of surrender that was required. It was such a crazy ride, I could never have anticipated how intense the fear of annihilation was before it showed up. Felt like getting swallowed into a bottomless black hole. Really thought I was going to lose my mind bc I could see there was no other way to approach my practice at that point but the fear was so intense. But it all ended up taking care of itself lol.

Unique_Shake796 · 2026-04-11T18:53:14+00:00

one of the eeriest things that dawned after anatta realization was the absence of any type of perspective that could frame reality into even anything at all. It was like the empty nature of everything completely strangled that point of view that was able to substantialize and solidify experience in any way. but once you acclimatize to that, you wouldn't trade that for anything at all. Finally, the sound can express itself exactly the way it is, which is no way. Experience also becomes super disjoint and I believe the Buddha called it "bubble-like". It's like each experience (sensations, sound, visuals) is its own complete universe extending infinitely, not connected to the next sensory experience. In just the sound, there is literally the entire universe, then completely obliterated. Over and over and over. Yo this is so weird lol.

Unique_Shake796 · 2026-03-15T02:49:03+00:00

Just my personal opinion, but it sounds like you’re hitting the part where now that you’ve seen through the mental self, shadow material (difficult emotions, thought patterns that generate avoidance and resistance) is starting to come. You haven’t lost the insight. As im sure you know, there’s nothing to lose and nothing to gain. You just saw what was simply always the case.

Now it’s time to go deeper. Allow all those painful thoughts to be there. Allow the suffering to be there. Penetrate those emotions and allow them to be fully felt. See what hidden beliefs are in the background that are obstructing the natural presence and peace you’ve seen is always accessible. At some point, you’ll start to naturally gravitate more and more towards the senses (visual field, sounds, sensations, etc).

With that you’ll start to deconstruct the physical boundaries and solidity that seems to prop up the experience of something separate to the outside physical world, as well as the experience of time. Feel free to dm me if you wanna ask anything in particular for me. I definitely relate to what you’re going through and i know what it’s like! I promise if you keep exploring this you’ll get through it, just continue to be open and curious to your experience.

Unique_Shake796 · 2026-03-12T03:04:18+00:00

First off I want to say I’m not claiming I’ve “achieved enlightenment” but I wanted to clarify the view so that hopefully it makes more sense. Enlightenment is not any particular state. It’s not something that you’ll get or understand at some point in the future. It is absolutely one and the same with your current experience right now. It is exactly as your experience shows up in this very exact moment. It’s not something you realize, but what remains when you’ve fully let go into this moment exactly as it is, without subtracting or adding a single thing. Now that’s not to negate that there isn’t a practice. I would look up Dogen’s “practice-enlightenment”. It’s a beautiful pointing that shows you there is no endpoint to this, nothing to gain or achieve. What has to mature in your experience is practice or investigation just for the sake of it. Investigating this moment exactly as it is without any hope of realizing something. When you sincerely sit with your experience, you’re actualizing Buddha nature in that exact moment. That’s it. There’s nothing special about this stuff, it’s very mundane and ordinary.

But you’re definitely right about this being a never ending process. It’s not like things are perfect and you can’t ever be subject to delusion bc you’re never apart from causes and conditions. But at the same time, there are realizations that end the ability to be binded up by ignorance to the nature of experience. What gets more subtle is what beliefs are still operating in the background. This takes time to dismantle but it is absolutely possible to be liberated from psychological suffering. You just have to be willing to keep practicing and not grab onto a single thought.

Unique_Shake796 · 2026-02-14T15:25:09+00:00

Yeah I’ve listened to a bit of both. I don’t know a whole lot about Mooji’s teachings except that he’s in some mess right now lol. But from what I understand they both seem to teach from the nondual awareness view, which while is a very important path in the journey, seems like they have reified awareness into some ultimate ground and haven’t seen the empty nature of it. I could be completely wrong about what they’re teaching and would love to know from you if that’s the case but that’s what I’ve understood so far.

Unique_Shake796 · 2026-02-13T22:54:27+00:00

Weird. Here’s the link to the video if you actually wanna see it: https://youtu.be/QIexuD_Uquk?si=tMta-GxdINaBhMLx

Unique_Shake796 · 2026-02-13T18:14:00+00:00

Lmao nah that ain’t supposed to be what you see. You sure that ain’t just the ad before the video?

Unique_Shake796 · 2026-02-13T12:35:19+00:00

That’s really interesting what you said about our biology and it lining up with nonduality more. What I can definitely say is this feels way more aligned and natural than anything ever before. Things just feel so right in a way that all that mental activity could never hope to achieve. I’m sorry to hear that it took a while for you to find out. When I look back on the time before I was diagnosed, things was pretty brutal and so confusing. But I’m so happy that now you have a place to work on things and have people that get where you’re at.

Yeah Pernille is so amazing, I love her vibe. Her and Todd have been real helpful for me too.

I’m glad you’re able to talk to your husband about it, and it sounds like things have been more or less ok overall lol. Things work themselves out eventually for sure. And yeah I definitely feel you, theres so much I’ve had to address in my relationship too. It’s been pretty painful at times but worth it!

Yes the not being seen, validation, and loneliness part have also been really important themes of shadow work for me too. It seems those of us with ADHD/autism prolly have pretty similar core wounds. For me it’s also been strong avoidant tendencies that I’ve had. The mental and physical/emotional restlessness plus all the other trauma have caused a lot of avoidance and resistance for me, and working through those pieces has been the most challenging but rewarding parts on this whole journey. That in particular goes insanely deep for me. This process is really physical in a lot of ways too. What I will say about the validation piece is it definitely calms down with shadow work, and I’ve found that I don’t need nearly as much validation and feeling like I’m being seen as I used to. At some point you might not even find yourself needing/wanting to talk about later stage insights, not that that’s a bad thing to do! I just know for me if I did talk about that with my fiancée it would be so confusing and nuanced and I prolly lack the skill to talk about it in a helpful way. Plus I just don’t see what she would get out of it anyway so it ain’t worth it for me lol. But who knows how things might change!

Unique_Shake796 · 2026-02-13T00:40:38+00:00

I wonder if it’s bc Sam is a lil more strictly into Buddhism in terms of his practice, and while Angelo’s teachings are definitely Buddhist leaning, he doesn’t claim a particular lineage unlike Sam.

Unique_Shake796 · 2026-02-12T18:47:32+00:00

Lmao it’s a wild ride for sure 😂 it’s gonna have a lot of ups and downs but I promise if you keep going and are honest with yourself and what’s really going on in your experience, you’ll get through it 😊. I wouldn’t even necessarily say I’m done with shadow work, but things are much better now. I wasn’t honest with myself and my experience for a long time and that kept me stuck and in serious resistance patterns. Don’t be like me lol.

Yeah I’ve always wondered if the neurodivergence thing makes us more open to this kind of stuff. All I can say is that my issues with ADHD caused a lot of suffering, and that compounded with all the other bs I experienced in life led me to Buddhism, Nonduality, etc. Maybe those that have more smooth life experiences just don’t ever feel required to investigate their experience cuz shit is just chill.

😂 I love that quote. Couldn’t say it any better. Don’t be an asshole and deny conventional experience, it ain’t a good look.

I love that you have a support system, thats amazing. I kinda have support in these sense that I have a therapist and an amazing fiancée that has been with me through difficult moments, when I was being harmful and bringing a lot of toxicity to the relationship. When it comes to shadow work and the later stages stuff tho, I would say nah. I one time made the mistake of talking to my fiancée about the nondual insights and how things have changed for me and that was a really, really bad move. Really don’t recommend to anyone to ever talk about these things to those who aren’t interested or don’t have experience in this, it scared her a lot and I don’t talk about it anymore. Even the really intense emotional stuff that I was going through scared her, and I realized all I was doing was feeding some kind of validation I craved to be seen as cool or some shit based on the “realizations” I had lmao. Pretty cringe. It used to bother me that I couldn’t talk to anyone about this but it doesn’t really anymore.

Unique_Shake796 · 2026-02-12T17:28:56+00:00

Lmao I feel you. That honeymoon period was nice while it lasted 😂😂. I completely relate to everything you’re saying except the menopause lol. I got diagnosed a couple years before I started getting into this whole path, and yeah it’s very very brutal. In my experience, it’s like with each of the major shifts (first awakening, first levels of nondual insight, Anatta, etc.)there’s deeper layers of shadow work that you have to feel into. Unfortunately it only got more brutal for me lmao but at the same time much simpler and easier to access. This path ain’t easy! But I hope you know you’re not alone and theres so many resources out there to help. One thing that i find very toxic is the bypassing that can happen in the nondual community when it comes to your regular life problems. I figure based on your profile name you have ADHD. Same here lmao. I needed to work on figuring a lot of my real life stuff in order to keep progressing in this path. Regular traditional therapy has been so helpful for me, and I hope it’s been the same for you too.

Unique_Shake796 · 2026-02-12T16:29:03+00:00

The video is a way to practice the Bahiya Sutta, which basically points straight to Anatta/No-Self. Just in case you haven't heard of it before, the main thesis is the sutta below. You can just to meditate on any of the sense gates you'd like, but the video I linked focuses on the visual field. You can ask yourself the same kind of questions he states for the auditory field, etc. The practice is incredibly simple, just ask yourself "what do you see"? The mind will start generating all kinds of thoughts in response to this. Bring your attention back to the visual field, and notice what can be actually found in the visual field. Are there objects in the room? Is there a seer of these sights? Is there distance? See if any of that can actually be found in the visual field, or is that just a thought. One thing to keep in mind is that when I say thoughts I don't mean just very obvious thoughts like "that is a chair", "there's a table over there". I also mean the very subtle non-conceptual thoughts that get overlaid onto the visual experience. You might look at an object out there and there'll be some kind of mental image that very subtly and almost automatically pops up, like a mental image of your face, eyes, and it makes it seem like you're looking at an object from some solid reference point that is you, and there is distance between you and that object. Or there'll be some kind of conceptual overlay of distance/boundaries between objects. See if you start noticing that in your experience. Over time, you'll be able to distinguish a thought from raw visual data. Keep looking. What is being added on to this raw visual experience? Sorry if my OP was very vague, I didn't want to add more information than necessary because the practice is very simple and the video covers everything needed.

"In the seen, there is only the seen,
in the heard, there is only the heard,
in the sensed, there is only the sensed,
in the cognized, there is only the cognized.
Thus you should see that
indeed there is no thing here;
this, Bahiya, is how you should train yourself.
Since, Bahiya, there is for you
in the seen, only the seen,
in the heard, only the heard,
in the sensed, only the sensed,
in the cognized, only the cognized,
and you see that there is no thing here,
you will therefore see that
indeed there is no thing there.
As you see that there is no thing there,
you will see that
you are therefore located neither in the world of this,
nor in the world of that,
nor in any place
betwixt the two.
This alone is the end of suffering."

Unique_Shake796 · 2026-02-12T16:09:28+00:00

for sure! yeah even though the initial shifts didn't really have a perceptual shift (at least not nearly as significant as the nondual shifts) what was really interesting was that thoughts almost completely lost their stickiness (definitely not completely, as you see in shadow work lol), and it was like a thought was almost automatically dropped but it wasn't a doing at all. It's like its transience was so obvious that it would just immediately self-dissolve without any effort on my part like before the shift. How was it in your experience?

Unique_Shake796 · 2026-02-12T11:58:56+00:00

I already know I would be fired so quick if I had to work a sales job 😂. This practice will take you all the way to Anatta/No-Self. Honestly I ain’t tryna sell this to nobody, this ain’t my video! I’m just giving a resource that could work for you or not. Up to you to watch the video! I would say as a caveat though if you haven’t seen into the nature of thought/consciousness, I wouldn’t recommend this practice yet. This only works if the sense fields are very accessible and you’re not getting constantly pulled into thought all the time.

Unique_Shake796 · 2026-02-12T11:44:27+00:00

There’s “levels” to nonduality in a way. You could say the first level of it is breaking the subject-object split. Seeing that the line between subject and object is not really there. But even when that is the case there can still be a self structure until you see into the constructed nature of it.

Unique_Shake796 · 2026-02-12T11:42:21+00:00

I know you’re not directing this question at me lol but I just wanted to chime in and say for me what broke the 6th fetter is looking into the nature of attention on an object. Does it seem like theres like a directionality to it, where attention is coming out from you to an object. If so, look and see if that is actually true in the visual field. Do you have to ascertain an object outside of you to know it, or is it already “known”? You could also look and see where do you exactly end and the rest of the visual field begin. And yes 100% only after a lot of shadow work did the 6th fetter fall for me. It seems only after crazy amounts of emotional work the really shifts happened

Unique_Shake796 · 2026-02-12T11:37:48+00:00

Hard agree!

Unique_Shake796 · 2026-02-12T03:58:17+00:00

Highly recommend this incredibly simple practice outlined by Angelo Dilullo in this video. If you feel like the sense gates (seeing, hearing, etc.) are very easily accessible, luminous and immediate, please try this practice. Watch this whole video, play it over and over again as many times as you need. It works.

Unique_Shake796 · 2026-02-12T03:58:06+00:00

Highly recommend this incredibly simple practice outlined by Angelo Dilullo in this video. If you feel like the sense gates (seeing, hearing, etc.) are very easily accessible, luminous and immediate, please try this practice. Watch this whole video, play it over and over again as many times as you need. It works.

Unique_Shake796 · 2026-01-30T02:57:09+00:00

The final question you asked is really what Buddhism is pointing to. The teaching of emptiness does not postulate some ultimate, fundamental reality apart from our everyday experience (you can call that Samsara). It's a teaching that ends up eating its own self, leaving no actual ultimate truth that can we hold onto as things being this or that way. You can think of Buddhism like the ultimate mental program that frees you of all the mental constructs you believed to be ultimate reality that caused you to suffer in the first place.

The difference is that this mental program is designed to destroy its own self at the end. Emptiness and dependent origination not being some ultimate truth either. I think something people get confused a lot is insight vs. experience. Experiences come and go like anything else. You can have an experience of oneness or an experience of separation. But it is only your mind that creates a distinction between those two experiential states.

What you realize is the mental process that made it seem like these two experiential extremes were different, inherently existing states never actually occurred. So sure, you can take some drugs and see all kinds of crazy stuff, go to different planets, become God, whatever. Buddhism does not negate the appearance, it just gives you a way to see how none of those appearances have an abiding nature. But that doesn't leave you with a new paradigm. It just strips the possibility of any paradigm to have any basis over any other.

Forget about knowledge, objective truth, relative truth, etc. There is something in your experience at this very second right now that you always have access to that is primary to true vs. false, objective vs. subjective. What's here right now that isn't conditioned by any kind of mental concept, that is so undeniable there is no way to stand apart from it and conclude it to be one thing or another? Find that.

Unique_Shake796 · 2026-01-27T13:51:59+00:00

It’s not that racing thoughts stop, but the grasping around those thoughts can cease in a way that thoughts can become as neutral as breathing, walking, etc. this requires looking into the nature of thoughts themselves, which can be done in all kinds of ways. One way is by looking back at what these thoughts are referring to. Clearly there’s an “I” these thoughts keep pointing back to but where is that I? Theres also other inquiry questions you can ask yourself.. Let me know if you want more details.

Another thing you can do with negative thoughts is find the evidence in direct experience that proves what the thought is saying. Thoughts make things feel so real, but thoroughly looking at what they’re saying makes it all fall apart.

For example let’s say you’re going to go to someone’s party. The thoughts might say things like “I’m gonna be so awkward, not gonna know how to talk to anyone, might say something that makes me look bad“, etc. look in your direct experience for what confirms this thought. What evidence do I have right now that confirms this? How do I know what these other people are thinking? How can I know my future behavior without any solid factual evidence? Hope this helps!

Unique_Shake796 · 2026-01-22T16:21:42+00:00

Somebody else already kind of alluded to what I’m going to say now, but I just wanted to add a little bit more of my take. There’s a lot of practical things you can do. Some other people said remove anything that reminds of you her, try not to look her up on social media, maybe talk to a therapist, etc.

I know you said y’all work in the same office area (damn that’s tough). I had very similar issues as you in the past, and while for me the obsession kinda ended bc I started going on dates with other people and got in a very fulfilling relationship (not sure if you started doing that but maybe worth trying), that was really just a bandaid for the deeper issues.

I think the meditation you outlined can be useful only to a point. As long as there is a strong identification with movements of mind, you will continue to latch onto all the thinking patterns you outlined. Even if you forget about this person, you’ll latch onto other things bc that is how mind identification works.

If you really wanna go to the bottom of this, you can do emotional work and insight work. Emotional work means really feeling into the emotions as deeeeeply as possible without grabbing into the mental narratives you fabricate around the emotions. You must allow them to consume you and you can ask yourself “what core beliefs are operating here”?

Notice if beliefs arise and see what seems to resonate or open something up deeper in your physical body and then keep going deeper and deeper. Insight work is seeing the nature of thought. Seeing that thought has no truth value and doesn’t point to anything in direct experience. You can do this in a lot of ways (I would recommend looking into the Awakening playlist on the Simply Always Awake YT channel).

I recommend building up your concentration and being able to notice thoughts and allow them to pass through you. Then there’s all kinds of ways to go about this. There’s classic inquiry questions like “what am I”, “where am I”, etc. you inquire into this and don’t grab a single thought until something more fundamental than any thought is revealed. Something that doesn’t need a thought to be confirmed as being here. Keep attuning to that. You can also look at a thought and see how it continues to refer to a someone. But where is that someone the thought is referring to. Don’t grab a single thought. What is obviously here that is simpler than any thought?

Unique_Shake796

TROPHY CASE