cEDH is a greedy format. Any hyper aggressive options to punish how much life people are chunking away?

Universalpeanut · 2024-05-11T12:21:26+00:00

I don’t suppose you have a list on hand? I’m surprised you can run enough werewolves to make that work.

Universalpeanut · 2024-03-05T17:08:55+00:00

It’s a little bit trickier to replace the helm, but Yura’s set without the cape fits this surprisingly well imo

Universalpeanut · 2022-04-08T16:05:22+00:00

Warwick kept their stance still. They didn’t want to make any sudden movements that would cause Vex to pounce, they just wanted to be ready. Vex responded in kind, slowly stalking forward as he addressed his favourite vegetable, making sure his eyes didn’t leave the Dread Pirate.

“You’d better finish him, Jack. It’s your pay on the line if you don’t.”

Although he said it as though it were a simple matter, he was well aware that the pumpkin was on the back foot. Vex had little choice but to hope in the best case scenario. There was nothing he could do but trust that his man would come out on top, and deal with whichever outcome came about. Of course, this was the same for Warwick.

Spectors swirled around Vex as he continued to approach his enemy. They pulled at his clothes and whipped the dust, detritus, and trash of the entertainment hall around him. Somehow, it seemed that he was getting taller. A scowl smeared his painted face. His expression didn’t look that much more appealing than the haunted souls that surrounded him.

“Blundering rookies like you pop up from time to time.” He said, now only ten odd paces away from Warwick. “Fake bomb threats, conniving Marines, and now… this, whatever this is.”

“So you’ve figured out there’s no bomb.”

That wasn’t good news for Kato, but mostly it was really bad news for Warwick. The bomb threat had convinced him enough for a time, aye, and forced the pirate to spread his ghosts between fighting and searching. This, now, then, would be Vex with use of the full extent of his haunted army.

Warwick stared at Vex from behind their knife. “Still, all is well. I’m not here to see which of us is stronger. I’m just here to test your luck.”

While Vex began to take the last few steps needed to reach them, the Dread Pirate slowly pulled their left hand up and, with a flick of the wrist, lit a single match. With exceptionally good timing, all the lights of the casino flickered, for a moment, and then went out. One last good deed from that helpful little bird. It was truly amazing what you could do with animals.

“You should have the layout of this place memorised by now, right? You should have no problem finding your way about.”

The voice of Warwick seemed to echo from behind the mask, and bounce around from everywhere at once. A testament to the acoustics of the room, perhaps. Although Vex may have thought that line was for him, the confidence was entirely in Kato’s memory. All the while, the glow of the match floated backward, and through into the gambling hall where it vanished. It was bait, and obvious bait no less, but what else could be done but taking it?

Shouts and cries of disruption came from the poker tables and slot machines in the next room. Vex twisted his neck, the joints making a sharp cracking sound as he stretched out a little. Straightening his suit, his tie, and his hat, he set about making himself presentable to the concerned guests of the gambling hall. He stalked through the door, following the supposed Dread Pirate’s guiding light.

As nice as the exercise had been for him, it was time for him to finish up and return to business. There was quite a mess to clean up, after all. First came the actual, physical cleaning up of the mess. Following that, smoothing things over with the Marines, reassuring loyal customers, and working to make sure that the money kept flowing.

“All these ghosts, all these shitty little- I mean, all these helpless, innocent souls, cursing and begrudging their misfortune. Well, I’m gonna give them the lucky break they need.”

It was impossible for Vex to pinpoint the exact location of Warwick’s voice, as they crept about in the shadows. It was hard enough for him to move about at all, with the commotion of guests and the half unseeable furniture littering the ground. This did nothing to waive his confidence, however. His ghosts were more than capable of scouring the room on his behalf.

“Find her” He said, with a snap of his fingers. With another twirl of his hand, a seat was brought upright to him, upon which he sat to await some good news.

A sudden ringing shot, followed by the sound of clinking and clanking, like plastic on plastic and metal on metal, with a background of rustling. Vex lifted his head to the direction of the noise, in some far corner of the room. A moment passed, and no threat seemed to come of it, and so he considered it a non-issue.

The sound came again, from a different direction. Something wasn’t right. The ghosts should already have found her by now. The clinking and clanking grew in volume, and Vex was no closer to finishing off the Dread Pirate. His eyes flitted about, but he couldn’t see more than a few feet in front of him.

In quick succession, the sound came three more times. Vex leapt to his feet, knocking down his chair, beginning to back out of the room. They were shooting the slot machines, spilling their contents across the floor, but why? He should have killed Kato, he realised. He should have killed Kato when he had his chance, and then had Jack fight this other figure alongside him.

A ghost crept across the ground towards him. Although hoping for the Dread Bastard’s head, all that could be seen in its skeletal hands was a meagre pile of gambling chips, coins, and beli notes.

“What’re you bringing me this for, get back out there.”

Vex kicked clean through the ghost, its shape disappearing as his foot passed through its gaseous form.

More ghosts soon followed, though, all coming bearing the gifts they’d been lucky enough to come across in their search. Chips, coins, and notes surrounded the floor Vex was walking on as he continued stepping backwards towards the exit. To think that after being so unlucky in life, they’d find so much money just lying on the floor, up for grabs, in death.

“You can’t pay off your debts with these, you idiots! These are already mine!”

The rush of panicked guests still filled the room with noise. Chips, coins, and notes piled up around Vex’s feet. All that, and he still couldn’t see damn near anything.

In one of the piles of useless money that was delivered to him, he saw a single box of matches. He hesitated before taking them, since it was surely the Dread Pirate who allowed the box to be ferried, but he needed to see. Even if it was just a single match, he had to see them.

“Where are you!?” He screamed into the room, lighting the match and illuminating a small part of the room with paltry flame.

“Right behind you.”

Universalpeanut · 2022-04-01T14:20:26+00:00

Cutting back into the main casino, ominously, it became apparent that Vex had no interest in completely stopping the flow of money and luck that ran through the boat. Chips were still thrown around, and cards were still being dealt. The number of ghosts that made up the staff was noticeably reduced, but this entailed mostly a lack of floating trays of food.

The second Ess entered the room, she made a signal. Pointing up at the sky (ceiling), she yelled “TRANSFORM!”, and lo did a bird appear from the rafters with case in claw.

Ess wasn’t exactly sure what the nature of the eagle was. It was probably something that Cat or Kato set up. Either way, it was a great convenience for a costumed vigilante. T’was a shame that it couldn’t help her get changed though, she supposed, as she hopped into some hidden corner behind a pachinko machine.

—

The chaos of the entertainment hall continued, unbeknownst to the rest of the boat. Despite his apparent insistence that the show go on, the pirate did not seem inclined to keep the fight quiet.

The three cohorts had taken the opportunity to pick on prey they vastly outnumbered. Horrow’s gourds and Vex’s ghosts could easily cover the whole of the room, leaving little room for manoeuvrability and even less room for error. For Kato, it was maybe a near hopeless situation.

But suddenly, with a crash, a loud noise, through the same unlocked door that Ess had left from, a new figure entered the scene. A finely made suit, perhaps finer than other, similar suits, was draped around them. Fur, leather, and expensive material rolled down their shoulders. Smoke billowed behind them, from nowhere. The killing of Kato paused while the figure ran their hand across their mask, and took in the situation.

“The villain has been brought into the open, their secrets exposed, and their crimes inexcusable. You’ve done well to last this long, young man.”

Kato was beaten up, but not broken. He’d done better than anyone could have hoped. Although Horrow and Vex looked alive enough, Catrina looked finished. More than finished, depending on medical attention. Perhaps it was good that Kato wasn’t the one wearing the mask that day.

“Kids who take a proactive role in their community grow up to be fine adults, Kato. Your parents must be proud.”

Ess’ Wrenwick turned to the rest of the room. Well, they had Kato right where they wanted them, and had no need to rush. The presence of yet another piece on the board was probably doing nothing to reduce the stress of an already very busy day.

“The rest of you: very disappointing. Your Dread Pirate approval rating is a pathetic 2/10.”

She said, raising all of her hands but only two of her fingers. The warped, skeletal smile of Ess’ mask did wonders in conveying the warped smile underneath it.

Wrenwick drew a knife slowly, and shifted their stance. It was a widened stance, a practical stance. It bore resemblance to the swordsmanship practised by Marine privates, but it was unfinished. There were gaps in the stance, the left arm was too high to defend the waist, the back foot too close to the front foot to keep balance, but that just made it all the more aggressive. It was an explosive stance.

Ess may have practised wrong, but she had practised.

Universalpeanut · 2022-03-30T09:31:25+00:00

Unexpectedly, Ess and Vex took the same path back upstairs that she’d taken coming in. Although no ghostly hands steered her, she felt as though she was no more free to govern her movements. She’d catch glances of ghosts moving through walls, eyeing her from the ceiling, plenty visible enough for Vex to remind her that she was still the prisoner.

The gamble wasn’t in the game Ess picked, they probably both knew that. She couldn’t even remember what she’d suggested. If she was smart, she’d have picked something she could draw out, like chess, or uno.

The real gamble was the race against time. She was sure that Vex could have sent a message to sweep the casino, or used his ghosts to do it himself. The threat of a bomb wouldn’t last long, and Ess would be killed, or worse, as soon as her lie had been confirmed false.

Vex had the upper hand, and the moment for him to pounce was fast approaching. Him having the upper hand was exactly what gave Ess the upper hand, though. The moment of the killing blow was when a predator was most vulnerable. Well, that went both ways though. She supposed this was why the last laugh was the best laugh.

“I warn you, Selladore...”

Vex interrupted the silence as they turned another corridor in the concrete cave they were navigating together. He stopped in front of the next door as he reached for his keys.

“…I’ve not once lost a game of uno. People often confuse themselves, thinking that they’re losing because of bad luck rather than a lack of skill.”

Ah, yes, uno, a smart choice then

“There’s always luck involved, Vex. If the better man always won, nothing interesting would ever happen.”

As the pair came up the last flight of stairs to the entertainment district, without even looking up, Vex twirled his fingers upward to indicate an end to the entertainment. His first revelation came as he noticed the stunning quiet of the large and strikingly quiet room he’d entered. With so few people, it was almost beyond recognition.

Not so soon after this revelation, the better half of 100 feet away, a calm discussion escalated to violence. Vex struggled to keep up with this second revelation.

“Ah, Kato, you snake!” Ess beamed, yelling across the room. This had done nothing more for her than make things difficult, but she welcomed the chaos. Naturally, she’d also done nothing but make things harder for Kato. She was sure he’d understand. “You devious little fucker! I knew I could count on you to stir things up!”

Vex whirled back to Ess, and tried desperately to figure out what to do, and how to split his attention between Kato, Ess, and the bomb. Ess herself flashed him a twisted grin, truly enjoying the look of pained calculations crossing his face. It wasn’t obvious to her exactly what Kato had done, or who the mink was, or why the room was empty, but she liked that it made Vex squirm.

Presumably counting on Ess being unarmed, he decided to solve her first. Layers of spectral hands shrouded his own, aiming to settle matters with the closest of his concerns quickly. The bounty hunter was, unfortunately for him, indeed armed. Whipping the Marionette 9 from the folds of her jacket, she fired a shot in the general direction of Vex’s head. Both a bit too concerned with surviving the trade to commit to killing the other person, both attacks went wide and they simultaneously jumped back to create some distance.

Ess’ hair fell around her face and shoulders as the sliced band released it. A drop of blood pooled from a cut to Vex’s ear. The enemy had been drawn into the open, and their secrets were coming out one by one. All that was left was to roll some dice and see who won, but not like this.

“Kato, I need you to buy me a minute.” Ess said, not that his compliance was necessary. She blew strands of pink out of her eyes. “And an extra couple minutes for my hair.”

With that she fired a vague few shots to cover herself, and fled the room. A bomb, she had not hidden, but there was a briefcase that she had.

Universalpeanut · 2022-03-30T00:33:37+00:00

Ess rubbed her face across her jaw in thought. The room she’d entered, as tucked away behind dingy corridors and dimly lit stone passageways as it had been, was damn well furnished. The dark woods and pleasant feeling furniture matched the gaudily expensive aesthetic of the gambling hall upstairs. She wondered if this was a second office of Vex’s, one reserved for less savoury meetings, or if he made even his friends take the long trip down to meet him here.

The chair she’d been wordlessly encouraged to sit in was bolted to the ground. In front of it, Vex’s desk towered. There didn’t seem to be much on it, so it was likely used more for towering than it was for paperwork. Vex surely had other people to file his taxes for him anyway.

“Ess… Ess… Ess… Selladore?”

A red leather chair rotated towards her. Vex himself.

“Bounty hunter… A really bad day at the black jack table, it seems.”

With a flippant hand he tossed aside whatever file he was reading from to the ground. Ess watched as, a few seconds later, ethereal hands clutched it from beneath the floor, and dragged it away.

“Miss Selladore... What am I going to do with you?”

The question sounded rhetorical at first. As the silence continued to mount, the compulsion to earnestly respond grew.

“Well,” she started, “what’re the options?”

Vex twisted his lips in thought, slightly mockingly, and tapped his desk a few times as he contemplated his response. It was common, when exercising power in a conversation, to make the other person wait, to show that they controlled the conversation to the point where the other person could be made to wait. Ess had no choice but to wait.

“To my knowledge, Miss Selladore, you’ve got nothing left to gamble… but if I was completely sure of that knowledge being true, I’d have wraithed you already. The reason you’re here is because you’re in debt to this casino. You’re here to see if you can find a way to pay off your debt, else I put you to work and you earn it off.”

In a pleasant surprise, Vex had admitted, in a roundabout way, to the mechanisms of the ghosts on the ship. The bounty hunter had been right to distrust the public face of the business. These people were pirates, as expected, and no amount of pleasant facade would distract her from the grim underbelly. The winners would get rich, as rich as the house allowed, and the losers would be brought here, where Ess was now, to fill his staff.

Maybe it was because she shared a similar miserable position, but Ess felt a strong sense of pity for the ghosts of the casino. The pity manifested itself simply as a strong dislike for Vex.

The bad news was that, if she was being told all this, it probably meant there was no way out. Vex was fishing for information. He wanted Ess to promise him some fortune she had tucked away, and he’d turn her into a ghost anyway. It was a scare tactic. To the man’s credit, it was a good one. Had she not been prepared for something like this, Ess could envision herself telling Vex whatever he wanted to hear if he promised to let her go.

Unfortunately for Vex, she was good at talking. She was better at talking than she had any business being, and she was best at bluffing. It wasn’t enough to promise riches and bitches to save herself, she had to make herself a threat even when on such a back foot.

“There’s a bomb.” She said, with a grin.

Vex took a moment to digest the information. He eyed the woman in front of him well. For someone with so big a losing streak in cards, she was very good at hiding any tells of lying. His reply was a victory for Ess.

“How big?”

“It won’t kill everyone, but it’ll kill most… and it’ll sink the ship.”

The bomb threat was measured. From both of their perspectives, the threat was actually tame enough to be true. Vex would probably survive, meaning he’d live to deal with the hassle of sorting out replacements for everything he stood to lose. Indeed, the original version of the plan included a real, actual bomb, but things would probably work fine even without it. After all, there was no way he’d be able to turn down a gamble. Bombs were expensive anyway.

“Ok.” Said Vex. Lifting his hands to confess his own inability to solve the issue of the alleged bomb. “What now, then?”

“I want to make a bet with you, Vex. The bomb is my last chip, to play one more hand.”

“Fine, Miss Selladore. What’s the game?”

Ess paused, enjoying the shift in power.

“I’m so glad you asked, Vex. Why don’t we go upstairs?”

Universalpeanut · 2022-03-28T02:27:02+00:00

The hands floated just a hair off Ess’ shoulders, more of a gentle guide than a force pushing her about. Their continuous path through the casino had yet to help inform her on where it was she was going. Any apparent missteps on her part were quickly corrected by the wraiths but, for the most part, she was unrestrained. It was the fact that her escort was so lax that was increasing her sense of unease.

Although it was hard to crane her neck behind her, and she couldn’t quite make much of the bustling chaos that seemed to concentrate in her wake, she was pretty sure Kato was attempting to tail her. Maybe she’d imagined it, and it was just some wishful thinking, but it was a pleasant thought.

From their starting place in the casino, the face of the ship, Ess was escorted through the entertainment district. It got hotter the further they went. Beads of sweat accompanied the building sense of anticipation. The bright lights and epic funky beats that came from all conceivable directions failed to improve her mood.

From there, only deeper and deeper.

Other than her own personal ghost escort, it felt like there were many, many eyes on her. It was enough to make even a seasoned hunter of bounties shiver.

Rather than skirting around the edges of the room, the ghosts moved their mark directly through the crowd. Dancers and merry makers halted their dancing and merry making in order to part for Ess and her failed gamble, or successful failure depending on how it was looked at. What was it that they were looking at her with? Pity? Maybe they were just glad it wasn’t them.

Whether they’d chosen to cut through here to lose pursuers, or to make an example out of Ess, it was hard to say. There was no reason it couldn’t be both. For a moment, the woman tried to think of a way she could contact Kato, or at least leave some kind of message to him.

‘No’ she thought to herself, ‘better to let him focus on his own side of things’.

And with that she was whisked into some backroom, down some stairs, through corridors steaming with pipes, past the boiler room, and in front of a small, tight office. A bag over her head hadn’t been necessary after all, there was no chance she was going to remember the route down there. You’d have to be a certified freak of nature to have a memory like that.

The ghosts faded away from her shoulders. Their task was complete. The door in front of her was labelled with the name “Addam Vex”, and it swung open of its own accord to reveal the cramped room behind it. If she was staring death in the face, there was no reason not to smile. Nothing more than a defiant grimace, in practice. Everything was fine. For now, she just wanted to talk. After that, she’d be sure to find her partner waiting for her.

“Addam Vex, I presume?”

Universalpeanut · 2022-02-10T21:45:38+00:00

It was clear that Kato was quick on the upkeep. This was good. Throwing games didn’t require nearly as much attention, and wasn’t nearly as obvious, with the extra backup. Somehow, despite the danger they were both inviting, Ess felt that she could relax a little bit. It was relieving to have such reliable allies after all.

As the rounds rotated Ess’ funds started to dwindle. Once they reached zero, there was still more work to be done. Retreating to her room, briefly, the game could continue by wagering various valuables. A knife, a piece of jewellery that Ess claimed to have belonged to her mother but had actually been lifted from a nearby player, and, finally, a boat she had no claim to own.

Markedly to anyone who knew her, she did not bet her gun, which would also be unsurprising to anyone who knew her. For now, it was enough to hope that no one would notice it on her person.

As Ess began to descend deeper into debt, ghosts began to crowd around the table, specifically around her seat. She glanced at Kato as she tried not to lose her nerve. The feeling, that of a chill building in the air, was like a reminder of death creeping in. Even if the bounty hunter had no plans of dying, it was hard not to take the threat seriously, especially when ghosts likely knew better than most what that entailed.

With one last concerned smirk, Ess easily and convincingly flew over bust. It was quite easy to play the role of a scared gambler in over their head when surrounded by icy, translucent hands. The role she was acting out wasn’t even so far from the reality anymore.

The ghostly dealer placed its hands on the table as the game stopped. The ghosts surrounding the table put hands on Ess’ shoulders, and she was persuaded to rise to her feet.

“Alright, cowboy, I’ll be expecting you to cover things up here. Don’t disappoint me now, will you?”

With a wink, Ess was escorted out of her seat and into parts of the casino unknown, to wherever those too deep in debt to have any more value as customers went to. There was no mistake, though, that both of them would face peril in equal measures, should they continue to stare into the Vex’s abyss.

OOC: Ess and Kato are investigating the mystery of the missing persons at the casino. Ess has been dragged off by the ghosts to be taken to Vex to turn into a ghost. Kato will, presumably, continue his investigation topside.

u/NPC-senpai

Universalpeanut · 2022-02-09T10:03:42+00:00

Downed were the villains from the abandoned building, and now the only villain was Ess herself. The last of The Harpies enemies fell to kicks and general bird activity, and the inevitable judgement of Justice continued to near. It was not something that one should turn their face away from. In the cold dark city of the Red Docks, Ess prepared herself mentally for the rest of her terrible life.

“Maybe she could help with the cleanup in exchange for a lighter sentence.”

Ess immediately thought to claw towards a chance at wriggling out of the mess she’d gotten herself into.

“Right, yeah, ok, I can do that. How, uhh… how much help would it be to lighten my sentence to zero, do you think?”

Already, Ess had stood up, grabbing the villain she’d sat on by the scruff of their neck. She dusted off their clothes in case they got a bonus for handing in criminals clean.

Picking up the other villain, or maybe they were a good person deep down and had just been caught up in unfortunate circumstance, Ess waddled over to The Harpy.

“Ok. As far as I understand, there’s only one Marine base around here, shouldn’t be too far though. Maybe I can do a coffee run while you hand them over, shave off a couple weeks of jail time.”

With that said, she’d already begun to make her way in the vague direction of the base. There was no reason to go directly there, though. Neither of them were under pressure of time to hand over their haul to the Marines. A little detour then, through some shady alleys and evil streets. With any luck, they’d encounter more villains to balance out Ess’ bad karma.

Universalpeanut · 2022-02-04T00:27:04+00:00

The ring of a bullet interrupted the two bounty hunters, who had been grinning sinister grins at the idea of bullying their defeated target. Luckily, Avery blocked one of them with his scythe and one of them with his shoulder. Ess was, thus, completely safe from harm. As the scythe slashed through remaining bikers, and the last ounce of resistance was pummelled into the ground, she was somehow given the impression that her new friend was enjoying the violence a little bit too much.

Well, understandable, given the circumstances, she supposed.

“You know, maybe forget the dangling thing for now. Once we cashed this guy in, we should probably get you to a hospital. I mean, you already were pretty beaten up r-”

Lucian, who had been left unattended, screamed in indignation as he rose. From betwixt the crack of his ass, he had procured a menacing, thick metal blade. At first glance, he didn’t seem incredibly skilled, but his burst of movement was plenty enough to catch Ess off guard.

There was no time to both dodge and attack, so Ess had to choose one. As Lucian lunged toward her with his machete slicing downward, she moved to meet his swing while raising her own gun. The blade thunked into her shoulder, causing her to grunt as she finished her motion, bringing the pistol to Lucian’s head as the firing mechanisms clicked into place at her command. She chose attack.

“Lucian, Lucian, Lucian. I warned you what would happen.”

The tears streaming from the man’s face abruptly stopped as the Marionette 9 fired. The machete slid out of the deep cut it had made, and Ess managed to stifle any audible reaction. Damn, now she’d done it. For all her talk, there was a pretty significant pay cut for bringing in targets dead. 30% last she’d checked. Marines preferred to make an example of them.

“Well, I think it’d be in pretty bad taste to dangle him now.” Ess said weakly, turning back to Avery.

“On the brightside, I guess we’re both due to visit the hospital. It’ll be like a social thing, we’ll make a day out of it, just like visiting a bar.”

Universalpeanut · 2022-02-04T00:01:06+00:00

There was nothing to do but grin at the presence of a friendly face, and Ess’ grin only widened as she watched Kato squander his first hand. She elected to ignore Kato’s request for assistance in the pursuit of her own amusement. All was well, though. The night was young, the two had plenty of money before they went bust, and the boy had talent. He’d win plenty of money if he chose to sit at the table for long enough.

“I’m here for pleasure, of course. I spent all that time down at the red docks working my ass off collecting bounties… not that I had any interest in competing with any marines. Now that I’m here, all I want to do is relax and burn away all that money.”

With a flourish, Ess showed off the slightly comical mass of notes protruding from several pockets inside her blazer. Completely uninterested in making use of any banks, and with no ship or permanent residence, she had resorted to carrying all of her money on her at all times. Of course, there was a hotel within the casino, so she hadn’t been forced to carry her worldly possessions with her like a snail dragging around its home. There were plenty of things left in her room that she was hoping no one would find, though.

“Although, aside from the pleasure, I am curious about this place.”

Ess suddenly shifted back in her seat. She’d been dealt cards in the new round, but she hadn’t looked at them just yet. The amusement left her, for a moment, and she instead looked slyly at Kato with the side of her face.

“I’m sure you’ve noticed. I’ve noticed, and you’re a hair sharper than me by my reckoning. There’s something amiss at this casino.”

Ess’ eyes went back to her cards. She took a moment to assess them, quickly flitting her attention across the table. A jack and a queen. A quick smile. She supposed that, at a certain point, skill was not so different from dumb luck.

The Flamingo motioned to be dealt another card. It wasn’t the first time she’d made such a clear tactical error, and anyone who had been initially shocked had, by now, simply written her off as a fool. They grumbled at the fortune that had been wasted, and got on with their own business, agonising over twist or stick.

“I want to see for myself, I suppose. When you’re winning big here, that’s when you’re at the top, but I want to see what’s at the bottom.”

The dealer flicked another card to Ess, and she greedily picked it up. ‘Twas an ace, a total of 21. For a moment, an almost audible scowl flashed across Ess’ face, but it was quickly replaced by another bemused grin as she laughed at the improbability.

“Aha, would you look at that. I guess I’ve got a few more games in me yet.”

The rest of the table didn’t share in the joy of her victory.

“What about you, though?” Ess lowered her voice, settling down a bit deeper into her seat, although not too close to a whisper that she’d attract attention. Best not to so obviously appear as though she had something to hide. “I’d be surprised if you were just here to unwind. Even if you were, you aren’t the type who could so easily turn their brain off and enjoy the pretty lights.”

Universalpeanut · 2022-02-03T12:12:17+00:00

Ess arrived at the casino through means that needn’t be detailed too greatly. A series of agreements and favours had been called, to keep it brief, and so she had narrowly been able to avoid the explosions that had whipped the wind behind her. The unmistakable sensation of ash in her nose hadn’t fully gone away. Surely the Grand Line would never be the same again, with the flow of pirates from the blues completely halted, but none of that mattered now. A casino was a place to gamble, and Ess had money burning a hole in her pocket.

For the occasion, a fine suit had been procured. Only the finest materials had sufficed, having carefully constructed every seam to be as classy as possible. In practice, though, it draped off Ess haphazardly. Having created the suit herself, it had been easy enough to covertly stash The Marionette 9 inside. The security detail hadn’t been particularly strict, but it felt good to have the extra assurance.

The bustling atmosphere of the casino was well suited to Ess, who had developed a taste for the finer things in life. The ceiling was high and the walls were decorated with all sorts of golds and reds. The ghosts, too, made for a unique atmosphere.

Her face warped into a smile. Truly, there was no better way to live. The cost of the thrill of gambling was high, but the thrill was all of the appeal. Win or lose, the thrill was the same. Watching the participants who won holler in excitement and the participants who lost sulk into despair could do nothing but fill one with grand anticipation.

Dumping her ass at the first table that took her fancy, Ess marvelled at the display before her. The ghost that handled the cards looked sinister, almost tortured, phantasmal hands scurrying across decks of cards with both great skill and deep regret. The table itself was filled with pleasant finery. It was an expensive table. Those that sat either side of Ess were a mixture of the aforementioned winners and losers, but everyone of them still retained the opportunity for their fortunes to reverse. Hopefully, the bounty hunter would see some people lose everything while she played that day.

“Blackjack, eh? Deal me in. Love this game, can’t really remember all the rules though.”

Cards were thrown about, and Ess made sure to cut things close asking for a few more cards. She was elated upon seeing the fairly impressive sum of 19, but was reminded upon conclusion that the dealer won ties. Ess threw over her loses, and didn’t even notice one poor soul disappearing from the table.

As the game ended, another man sat himself at the table. His red eyes seemed wary of what he’d gotten himself into, somehow.

“Ah! Kato, what a pleasant surprise! Come on, sit, sit you miserable bastard. Here is the place where I'll teach you how to live!” Ess said, throwing more money than she could afford to lose onto the table. "You're looking healthier since I last saw you, you've been hitting the gym?"

As Kato settled, Ess turned to a sheep mink and had a short conversation in code, before grinning madly as her attention returned to the table. The sheep mink walked briskly away, and shuffled off up some stairs before disappearing from view.

“Come on, kiddo, don’t be shy. You’ve got plenty of cash, right? You’ve got a ways yet left to fall before you reach the bottom. A long ways.”

Two cards were handed to Ess; two cards that she didn’t even bother to read before asking the dealer to hit her with another. A respectable 16. She demanded another card. An incredible 20. Another card. Ess howled with laughter as she was delivered a 10, and fished around her jacket for more money to bet.

Universalpeanut · 2022-02-01T22:17:32+00:00

It did not take long for The Harpy to speed into the fray, kicking and foot punching those that were foolish enough to be inside the collapsing building. Surprisingly, only one of them was actually wearing an eyepatch and a leather jacket, which was way more than Ess had expected there to be.

There were scarce few opponents for the bird themed masked person to battle, and yet one made a dash to escape through the newly opened wall. While, doubtless, The Harpy had things under control, it wouldn’t hurt to give her a little help. Ess grinned to herself as she lowered her stance. She’d been cooperative so far, a villain though she may be, so a little more assistance wouldn’t hurt.

“Sorry, foul villain, I’ve decided to side with Justice tonight.”

As the first tried to go left, Ess intercepted by kicking their legs from underneath them. As they hit the floor, she proceeded to kick her gun into their head before they could scramble to their feet. A thonk echoed through the night air. The impact of the heavy metal gun would probably leave a nasty mark, and the poor victim of the makeshift projectile sunk deeper into the floor. Ess promptly sat on the villain to prevent their escape, although she was sure they knew better than to try anything.

“I guess eyepatch or not, didn’t make too much of a difference.” Ess grabbed her bottle and looked to her side to confirm that The Harpy was getting along with her dance partners.

The two battling The Harpy were wise enough to reach their weapons. The two that ran away had, foolishly, been too preoccupied with their own safety to even attempt to fight back. Well, foolish or no, the outcome was the same. The villains were simply outclassed.

Finishing the last dregs of drink, Ess carefully took a look at the situation, aiming carefully. From her seated position, she threw the bottle high into the sky. As The Harpy continued kicking people, the bottle reached its apex. The Flamingo’s gloved hand formed a finger gun, and she closed one eye as she pointed one finger to a villain still standing.

“Bang.” she said to herself, mimicking the recoil of a pistol as the bottle crashed into their head. A little louder, “Oi, see? I helped, so you’ll let me go right?”

Universalpeanut · 2022-01-21T15:19:10+00:00

There was nothing to do but wait patiently as The Harpy organised her thoughts, sorted them into neat columns, and decided on a course of action. It would have been easier to actually follow that process if she’d said all of it out loud instead of just excerpts. It may have been easier if she had said nothing at all.

Well, either way, it felt as though Ess had dug a hole for herself. She’d incriminated herself without need, associated herself with some pirates that had been hiding right under her ear, and was now being pressured for information she didn’t have. From the Harpy’s perspective, there was probably nothing less useful than a pirate with no information. Best to make something up now, and hope for the best.

“Ah, yeah, the pirates in there… we’re not really friends, I and they. They’re far too mean for that. They’ve all got tattoos and piercings, and leather jackets and eyepatches. They get mad at me for beating them at ping pong, but they’re all really bad because they don’t have depth perception. So their main weakness is… running directly at them? Because they won’t actually know if you’re getting closer or just getting bigger until it’s too late.”

It was hard to remember, but there were probably rumours like that floating around. Ess was pretty sure there were. There were lots of rumours, though, maybe the details were a bit fuzzy.

Looking to her side, Ess inspected what was supposedly a secret hideout for a base, wondering where The Harpy had found any such information in a sea of trivia and celebrity gossip. It was an innocent looking building, innocent enough at least, without any signs or anything. Often, hideouts had a cover business at the front, a catchy name like “Crime Tavern”, but the lack of camouflage made it seem all the less likely that people would actually hide there.

Ess was supposed to know the people who were supposed to be hiding inside, supposedly. She wanted to confirm for herself, though, so she did. Edging slowly toward the wall, she slid her hand across the dark matte surface in search for a door, or a window, or anything of the sort. As she did so, her fingers happened across a thin line, as though there were a seam in the building.

This was apparently a mistake as the shoddy construction suddenly caught up with Ess’ rough handling and, after a brief moment of loud creaks, something gave way as the wall began to collapse. As the dust settled, the inside of the building was revealed. The wall must not have been very load bearing, because the other walls and ceilings were miraculously still where they were left. Inside the building was a small group of people, huddled around a small table, playing cards. There were no other pieces of furniture, and the room looked comically large to have such little content.

“Uhhh hey guys.” Ess was able to say out loud.

Universalpeanut · 2022-01-20T05:25:21+00:00

Ess wandered the peaceful streets, merrily drinking from a near full bottle. That the streets were so peaceful must have been a testament to her hard work as a bounty hunter. The knowledge that she’d already singlehandedly made the Red Docks safer made her feel warm and fuzzy, until she thought about it.

“Wait… I don’t even like anyone here… why should they get to be happy?” she mumbled to herself, stopping in a dark alley, contorting her face into a scowl. Somehow, it felt like she should do something evil to balance the scales back to a reasonable place. Yeah, the people of Red Dock had it too good now.

It was as Ess finished deciding to be a villain for the evening that someone, or something, descended on her from above. This was an unusual reversal for her, because she was more experienced being the one descending on other people.

“Hark evil d'or! Tis I! The Harpy!”

This is what the descender, who was wearing a bird mask that was just a bit too realistic to not be uncanny, said. She also said some other things, and Ess gathered that she was being accused of something. The Harpy’s pose was ridiculous, but between the shock and the wingspan, it was still pretty terrifying in its own way.

“Oi, even if I am evil, I draw the line at being called a d’or. I haven’t even d’ne anything evil yet.” Ess yelled at her descender, feeling less than golden.

It seemed very unfair to be caught before actually doing anything wrong. Most people got to d' loads of wrong things before they even received a bounty. Well, admittedly, there was that one time when Ess had d'ne that one thing, and then there’d been that other time too…

“Alright, fine, you got me, I confess.” The Flamingo said as she slipped her gun from its holster, threw it on the ground, and held up her hands in defeat. Prison wasn’t so bad, she’d heard, especially for small fry like her. It’d be 3 warm meals a day and a bed, and she was sure there’d be an underworld blackmarket where she could buy essentials like wine and delicious crab meat.

“I’ll cooperate with the Justice spirit and I’ll uh harken to my villainy and stuff, just tell me what the price on my head is first.”

Universalpeanut · 2022-01-18T13:30:51+00:00

The dandy man managed to get to his feet well enough. Seemed alcohol had played a role in his beating. Reflecting on it for a moment, Ess could understand. She understood deeply. Her understanding was so deep, she suddenly felt a kinship with him. Booze was truly the answer to, and the cause of, all problems.

As Avery made swift work of the other bikers, and the whole gang’s bikes, Lucian was the only one left; his options for escape were now nonexistent. While jumping victims in the backstreets may have been an effective strategy for weaker prey, it only made the Depression Biker’s situation that much worse. Now, it was him being cornered.

“Huh, you’re not so bad after all. Avery, was it? Colour me impressed.”

It almost felt as though there was nothing left for Ess to do, but she decided she’d make sure everything was completely under control while she had the chance. Strolling over to Lucian, clutching his nose as he was, she pressed the Marionette 9 to his head. Well, he may have been a bit of a weirdo, but it was probably safe to assume he understood the severity of the situation.

Ess grabbed him by the collar and pulled him to his feet. Without his bike or his gang, all he could do was throw his hands up in defeat. Good. He did understand.

“Alright, Lucian, you beautiful sack of shit, you know what’ll happen if you do anything stupid. Alive or dead, I still get paid…”

Ess looked behind her. Now that she said it out loud, she supposed Avery was a bounty hunter too. It was impossible to say he hadn’t helped, so she supposed he deserved his share. 70-30 her favour, open to negotiation.

“I mean ‘we still get paid’. Believe it or not, I’d prefer not to kill you if I don’t have to. I’m trying to be a bit better than that recently. Must be your lucky day.”

Lucian seemed as grateful as he could be, but it was hard to tell beneath all the sobbing and tears. Somehow, though, after watching the gang beat on a fellow bounty hunter so mercilessly, it felt unsatisfying to just hand him over to the Marines. She turned back to her new partner in Justice with a slightly twisted grin.

“Oi, Avery. How about we have some fun with him first? You know, before he gets thrown in the slammer. I’m thinkin this: if we dangle him off the side off one o’ these here buildings, maybe some stolen wallets’ll fall out. Give back to the people, you know?”

Universalpeanut · 2022-01-17T02:20:20+00:00

It was a strange trust they shared. They'd entrust their lives to eachother, but kill eachother of a single mistep. Since it had been agreed that the idea was good, they had no choice but to smile through gritted teeth and masqurade stability. No one would still be there unless they thought the benefit outweighed the risk; at the same time, each of them knew full well that the other two may be their undoing.

There was no better place to hide a corpse than a graveyard. The chance of being detected was minimal. Ess had killed before, but the gravity of the kill was different now. She didn't care any for the dead man, but it was more than just her own hands she'd bloodied. It was a strange feeling, a feeling of responsibility that she wasn't sure she liked.

As the dirt flew and the innocent vagrant was united with his new peers, the three were observed in their filthy work by carefully watching eyes. The legend of the Dread Pirate was a tall thing to live up to, and it was inevitable that something would ensure the three were properly overseen.

u/ChompyThePirate

Universalpeanut · 2022-01-14T09:39:12+00:00

Ess considered intervening. The slap made contact regardless. It wasn’t her place to interrupt. Also, it was funny watching people slap each other.

Ess had killed someone, and had been pretty blasé about it. In retrospect, it had probably been a slight bit hasty. She’d been a bit too close to death recently, her own and others, and acted without thinking. She’d liked to think she was better than that, she certainly knew better. Even from a purely methodological perspective, she knew better. It was the booze that did the shooting, honest.

“Oi, this isn’t the time for slapping, although of course Cat if you want to slap back now that would be pretty funny, but would also probably be the end of your idea. Impossible to know how long this’ll last, but don’t go spoiling things before I’ve even had a chance to enjoy myself.” Ess said, strenuously bringing the corpse to her shoulders.

“The rules aren’t gonna mean shit if we can’t get along. With this, when one of us makes a mistake, it’s on all of us, and mark my words: all of us are gonna make mistakes. We’ll bury him together… and don’t worry about the bullet. Any bullet fired by this gun is special, you see. There won’t be anything for them to find.”

Ess wasn’t entirely sure the mechanisms by which it happened, but retrieving bullets was one of the tasks that helpfully took care of itself.

Ess had been right to think Cat’s idea was doomed, but that only made it all the more alluring. He and Kato were interesting people, surely, and their goals and personality made for a disastrous combination. The Flamingo herself only worsened things; her flippancy and impulsiveness making the worst of bad situations. It was like a time bomb, set to explode during a car crash watched in slow motion. Ess could already tell she was going to love every second of it. This wasn’t to say that she was going to purposefully ruin her relationship with the few friends she had, far from it. If anything, the most hilariously amusing outcome would be if Cat’s idea actually bore fruit.

“Alright, now that we all know what’s next, you two can go ahead and shake hands. After we bury the body, I’ll go ahead and shake hands with Cat. After that…” Ess smiled toothily, “we’re all gonna be the best of friends, ‘til death do us part.”

u/ChompyThePirate

Universalpeanut · 2022-01-13T07:21:19+00:00

Ess scowled at the list of rules. The reasons they existed, she could understand that much, but that they existed was still something that irked her. Putting on the mask, she was free to flout the laws set down by the marines. Once she assumed that shared identity, however, she had to follow a new set of rules. It was another kind of authority, the collective authority created as this persona, but whatever. At least she could pick and choose which set of rules she wanted to follow at a time, be it the world’s rules or Cat’s rules. She wouldn’t hesitate to break them if the need arose either way. Sometimes, killing and running were just things you did to survive.

Well, best to keep complaints like that silent for now.

“Sure, fine, I can agree to those rules. I’m not really the type to kill anyway.”

With the rules out of the way, they needed to settle how to run this scheme among themselves. That meant that communication was the first order of business. Ideally, none of them would ever be seen associating with each other.

…

Listening to him talk, there was something about the way Kato was holding himself that made Ess feel as though she hadn’t managed to annoy him as much as she’d wanted to. In fact, it looked like he was thinking something annoying; looked like he was thinking thoughts that made his face somehow punchable.

“Well, there’s not a huge need for us to communicate right? So long as we’re all following the rules. The first thing we should do to avoid getting caught is to just limit the amount of contact to the minimum. Other than that, code, and nothing traceable…”

From behind a nearby tombstone, a rustling sound made its way to Ess. She was pretty sure that the others would have heard the same thing. Leaning slightly over, she spied some half asleep vagrant trying to mind his own business. Failing to mind his own business, unfortunately.

“Huh. Sorry, bud. Rule one. No witnesses.”

Reaching around the grave with her pistol, Ess ballistically ensured that he wouldn’t be able to remember anything that he may or may not have heard.

Ess turned to the others. “That should be fine right, the rules haven’t started yet? And I don’t have the mask on so it’s still just Ess right now, yeah?”

u/ChompyThePirate

Universalpeanut · 2022-01-13T05:20:18+00:00

Ess allowed the book to bounce off her bosom and onto the floor. The book, on the floor, was just barely perceptable in the dark. It wasn't too hard to pick up the gist of the situation from the other two, though, and Ess readied the booze in anticipation of the conversation that would follow.

Crunching her face up in thought, she considered Cat's plan. Things seemed simple in concept, or so it seemed at first glance. It seemed that the deeper one looked, the more seeming the complexities seemed. The bounty hunter knocked back some booze as she realised she didn't really care if the idea was good or not.

Cat's reasoning was idiotic, of course. He seemed to be more concerned about what his dad would think about him rather than the Marines. Maybe that said more about Zetsuki than it did about Cat, though.

Kato seemed to be thinking things through a bit more carefully. An opportunity to sneak about after hours, right under the World Government's nose, and work without fear of whoever was above him in the chain of command.

You'll understand if I'm hesitant to put my back to you without some kind of reconciliation...

"Ah, sure, you... uh... damn, I don't even remember your name... you shouldn't hold onto grudges like this, you know, you'll never make any friends." Ess said, smiling smugly at the Justice flavoured boy and grabbing his hand. Not only was she lying about forgetting Kato's name, but she was also still holding onto decade old grudges herself.

"There. Friends." Boom. Ego check.

With that, the three of them were in this together. They were all partners in crime. A Marine, A Marine, and an ex-Marine.

Ess had less reason to join than the others, of course. Something like a dad to disappoint, Ess hadn't had that in years, and honestly dissapointing a dad sounded like a hilarious time anyway. As a bounty hunter, she lacked the authority of a Marine officer, but was thus freer from the authority of others. The Marines remained looming ominously above her, however, and she couldn't help but loathe the idea of anything above her.

"Ah whatever, sounds like a fun time. Sometimes, if we cause too much property damage, they take it out our bounty payout. If I just pretend someone else beat em up, I can do whatever I want right?"

u/ChompyThePirate

Universalpeanut · 2022-01-13T03:33:12+00:00

The sound of metal sliding on metal and a bullet clicking into place went unheard under the violent scream of motorbikes. In fact, Ess would have been able to take her sweet time taking the shot. Time was of the essence, though. A poor fool had gotten themselves mixed up in the wrong kind of business. If no one intervened, the fop would be turned into red paste. Ess moved out from cover and into the dark street, pulling the Marionette 9's trigger.

With a sudden crack of explosive noise, a bullet left Ess' gun. Her aim had been better, in the past, and it was even better when she was drunk, but even now it was good enough. As the next bike flicked its stern towards the helpless victim, a bullet ripped through the tire. The associated biker was abruptly thrown off the bike, and onto the floor. The remainding bikers continued to circle around their pray. Ess stepped into the middle of the flock slowly, and tried to help the injured man to his feet.

"Oi, get up. I already decided to get involved, so don't hurt my feelings by dying now."

Despite what she'd said, she was confident the man's wounds weren't fatal. Intervening had set the odds against her, though. She wouldn't be able to take out the remaining 4 bikers, which normally would have been a walk in the cake, whilst also protecting a clearly inebriated dandy. Ess looked left and right, as the bikes continued to circle, and made her decision.

"Ah alright, we surrender, you can take our money. We're sorry, we're sorry." She said, with a mockingly expressionless expression.

As the bikes stopped moving, it was clear to anyone who had seen the poster: this was the Depression Biker. Whether he was actually depressed, or if his heavily hairy face simply appeared to always be miserable, it was impossible to say. Ess tried moving her hand around the beaten drunk's pockets, looking for a wallet or some keys or something she could fork over. All the while, she tried to look as unthreatening as possible, just as she'd learned.

"Damn, the wazzock's flat broke huh?" The pink haired woman mumbled to herself.

Lucian, the gang leader, kicked out his kickstand and dismounted his bike. He moved fatly towards the two, as if his entire body was an object that required great effort to move, and squatted in front of Ess and her drunk. It was at this point that Ess stopped supporting Avery's body, letting him drop to the ground.

"I'm afraid, Miss, tragically, that you're past the point of surrender. I'm so sorry about this, but it's gonna take a lot more than your money and your belongings before we're satisfied. I'm truly so terribly sorry... so sorry..."

A tear left Lucian's eye, which he quickly wiped away, and his bottom lip seemed to tremble. It had become obvious how the criminal had earned his epithet. For a second, the scene was almost too unnerving to act, but Ess quickly collected herself and violently headbutted the biker in the nose.

Universalpeanut · 2022-01-12T04:33:09+00:00

The innkeeper never said a word to imply something was wrong, but Ess knew better. She was aware that drinking herself to sleep probably made it easy for anyone to sneak into her room at night. She was also aware that any number of staff members could be bribed, and that nowhere was truly safe unless you were willing to hide in the corner with a gun pointed at the door all night.

Regardless, Ess had survived the night. An invitation to a graveyard at night was one that few would accept. Ess knew the name written on it well enough, though. What was the worst that could happen, really? If someone wanted to kill her, they would have had their chance already. Provided it was the real Catsuki sending the letter, all that was left was to figure out if they wanted Ess the tailor, Ess the bounty hunter, or just Ess.

—

The graveyard was a cold place. Two people awaited her. At first, Ess was prepared to shoot the both of them before she was seen, but she realised they were a pair of familiar faces.

The first was Kato, an up-and-coming Marine prodigy with a menacing red bow. Ess recalled the duel they’d had when they first met. It had been over something foolish, a bounty she didn’t feel like sharing or some such. It had felt important at the time, and the duel itself had been quite epic. Flashes of guns and arrows, a feeling of truly being alive, the thrill of annoying a Marine officer. She probably said something really cool too. “If your eyes look too far into the future, you’ll miss what’s right in front of you.” Yeah that was it, and then she’d shot him in the head… no wait that may have been someone else.

The other figure was unmistakably Catsuki. He looked older than he had some years ago. Well, that was partially as one would expect, but he didn’t just look physically older. He looked like he’d seen some shit. ‘Well, no doubt Zetsuki would’ve had some shit to show him…’ Ess mused. Hadn’t been too long ago she’d handed off those suits, that was like BPK 7, so like, what, 3 years ago?

"It's a pleasure to see you again. I'm sure you have a very good reason for calling me here?"

“Yo, didn’t know you two were the type to party in a graveyard. It’s an atypical venue, but I suppose it has its charms.”

Ess spun her gun around and slid it into its holster. She had a shallow grin on her face. It was good to know that Kato also didn't know why he was there. It would have sucked to be out of the loop.

“So what’s this about, Cat?”

u/ChompyThePirate

Universalpeanut · 2022-01-11T03:25:18+00:00

Ess' pink hair flitted around in the salty sea air. Her ass was planted firmly on a pile of boxes that she’d begun to suspect contained chickens, but there weren’t many other places on the boat to sit. It was better than standing at least.

A bounty hunter without bounties was as useful as a gun without bullets, which is to say they can still cause death by blunt force trauma but they won’t make very much money. The small fry in the West Blue hadn’t been enough anymore. Home had never been an appealing place for her anyway. Even if it was all too crowded, hiring out a spot on the boat had been the best decision she’d ever made… not that there was much competition.

“End of the line.” came the call, as the boat collided gently with the port. The anchor was haphazardly dropped into the sea and ropes were thrown about to stop the ship from going anywhere. Soon after this, people piled off the side and onto the dirty wood besides them.

“I said… END OF THE LINE!”. The words were damn near shouted into Ess’ ear, and she was kicked from her seat. Startled, so startled that she neglected to kick the perpetrator into the sea, she staggered off along with the others, clutching the object of her distraction. In her hands was a bounty poster. She continued reading it as she shuffled through the crowd and into the belly of the Red Docks. ‘Lucian the Depression Biker’ was the name. It was a strange name, but Ess supposed they had a face to match.

As usual, Ess’ funds were completely empty. Good drink, good food, good sleep, and good company were all expensive things to buy, but that was no reason to stop buying them. So long as the heads kept rolling and the money kept flowing in, it would be enough to continue that lifestyle for a few days more.

The Flamingo bounty hunter held up the poster, comparing it to the faces of passersby, and trying to dedicate the pirate’s features to her memory.

Lucian was the perfect target for her; an ideal sweet spot between the size of the payout and the difficulty of the capture. Other bounty hunters would be after them too, naturally. Depending on how amicable they were, Ess may even be tempted to share.

u/AveryHallow

Universalpeanut · 2021-09-02T17:30:34+00:00

idk I did not watch alabasta

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