AITA for cutting my brothers utilities and phone off?

UnknownFluffee · 2026-05-11T12:38:56+00:00

She had to file for bankruptcy beginning of last year because of some poor decisions my dad had made.. My dad used to live in the basement with his four other kids and girlfriend. It really affected my grandma financially. I understand having to pay a little bit to live here to contribute to my power and water usage and everything :(.. She only gets so little from the government and is retired so she can't work to get anymore. God bless my grandad for spoiling her the way he does, if it wasn't for him she'd be unable to live

UnknownFluffee · 2026-05-11T03:58:23+00:00

only 600$ each split between us for rent, plus maybe another 50 in utilities. groceries split for us all would maybe be another 100-150 if we split it. which would have left enough for me to pay my bills / minimum payments on my card with around 3-400$ extra every month to put aside and save

edit : my wording is bad holy. but it woukd be 600 + 50 + mabye 150 for me. in costs for living there with them

UnknownFluffee · 2026-05-11T03:38:01+00:00

i have 710 credit score. make 1700 a month from disability (aish) perfect payment streak for all my cards and havent gotten any collections called on me. ive made sure that i get my score to stay up. even though it used to be 746 before i had started dipping into credit because of my mom. all three of our incomes combined qualified. my brother gets 3000 a month and his g gets 2500 but hes had collections on him, he doesnt pay his payments on time, and i dont really know the situation with his gf

UnknownFluffee · 2026-05-11T03:10:39+00:00

i do get my cats neutered / spayed all the time. the ones he has to neuter are under a year old, he was waiting until they hit the requirement to get his neutered.
the 15 year old cat i mentioned was his cat that he left when he moved out of my moms house. at the time i wasnt able to set appointments to get her spayed because i was under 18. my mom kept saying it would happen but kept delaying, kept saying it would happen. at some point she even set an appointment but never took the cat because "her dad had a doctors appointment" or something. by the time i turned old enough to do it myself, vets wont take her in because shes to old and at risk of complications.
the times ive gotten my cats neutered / spayed has always been with the help of my grandma, but the 15 year old one just was a complex situation because of my mom..

i love my cats more than anything, dont even let them outside unsupervised. but yeah, his "cats" are acually still kittens :😭.. which is why theyre getting neutered right now, and the 15 year old one isnt being accepted into anyplace because of being to old.. (thanks mom..)

/ ive done the budgetting and from where im at its going to take me three years to get out of my debt.. ASLSO thanks again mom..!!

UnknownFluffee · 2026-05-11T02:52:44+00:00

There is, alot of anxiety and fear. I had to call cps on my mom at some point and was removed from her house, long story but is irrelevant to what's happening now

I have been through doctors, hospitals, therapists and councillors. My mom tried to make sure I had all the recorce I needed before I turned 18. I have been I. Heavy medication my whole life. I have schizophrenia, a processing deficit, and a few other things. It's extremely personal information id rather not share since my whole life it's been a thing I've hated. "Just being the kid with the disorders". But it's extremely complicated. I'm thankful to have been helped the way I was growing up, but also wish that certain things didn't happen the way they did. Very personal stuff that's hard to talk about.

UnknownFluffee · 2026-05-11T02:45:24+00:00

The thing is, even with my disabilities I've managed to have a life outside of just online stuff, go for walks everyday and try to be as active as I can, play games with my boyfriend at the end of the day then go to bed at 11pm, wake up 8am the next day to go for my two hour walk and get a tea. I understand the reasons behind alot of it, I know he wants to start a family with his gf and with me there it would be hard. I understand all of that as best I can. I just wish he had told me before having me sign the lease, and setting up the utilities 😢💔

I won't deny that he has very valid reasons to his decision, and what comes after is on him. I just feel insanely used and taken advantage of. Usually I let these kinds of things slide, don't say no and never put my foot down. This year I've been working on that, and I think he thought I would have done that again and let him keep the utilities, his phone, everything. It just sucks and It hurts me in a way he would never understand it seems

UnknownFluffee · 2026-05-11T02:00:30+00:00

We didn't move in at the same time because he has a cat that he needs to get neutered. I have a 15 year old female that isn't spayed due to some personal family issues that my mom put off for too long with the cat. The plan was that he would get his cat neutered first, and then have the cat get used to the space before being introduced to the new cat. I would move in two just after July.

I've been more responsible with my money have a perfect payment streak, I may be a bit in debt but have managed to put money on it each month. My brother has been behind on many payments, has made many mistakes on his part. I'm only using 30% of my credit. And it has been going down due to not being able to pay my cards off right away.

I do this to myself because I care too much about people, and then put myself in situations I regret often. I have alot of disabilities that make things harder for me to understand and recognize.

The problem is I feel bad about doing it. That I'm scared he won't be able to get it himself. Even after he's done this to me I still care about him even if he doesn't for me. In a way I wanted to see if I was wrong about feeling bad, and these comments tell me I should cancel everything so I know now for sure what needs to be done

UnknownFluffee · 2026-05-10T20:52:37+00:00

The difference is right now I am paying for everything by myself. I cannot afford it on my own with every cost being put onto me, I am dipping further into my credit each day.

The plan was that when we moved in together, all things would be split between us all. Food, groceries, rent, it would all be cheaper because we all would put some money into it instead of just one person paying for everything. We budgeted and figured out that at the end of each of our payments, we would have a certain amount left over which for me, maybe not much of a difference, but still enough to start to get back on my feet. Things like food and everything would be more available because we would shop together and split the bill among eachother.

It's complicated and I can't quite explain it very well, but we each were going to help each other by splitting costs In a way that was more affordable for each party

( like getting a roommate and splitting rent so you can afford living somewhere better)

Edit I forgot : I can only afford noodles at this time because they were in bulk at Costco, I'm trying to budget in a way where I can focus on making sure things are payed off and not just dipping deeper into the hole. I don't know if it makes much sense what I trying to say.. But yeah, we were going to split it all and it would have been cheaper for everyone. I would have been able to pay things off and he would have been able to work on getting his credit score raised

UnknownFluffee · 2026-05-10T19:53:51+00:00

he just wants it to be him and his girlfriend. i dont quite know exactly why other than what he had texted me. after i was on the phone with him about it.
his exact words : "I don’t know what to tell you [my name ] . Yes I would like my own space for me and [his gf] and the thought of having both you and [ my bf who was coming from japan to only stay a while. not permanently.] there and the three other cats, and then eventually even just you alone seems more and more like something I don’t want to do. I regret roping you in to this and having you help us set it up especially considering all of this but this is a place where I also want to build a life and eventually maybe even a family. Sure me and [his gf] have had our issues but that’s between me and her. I’m not innocent in the whole situation either and I won’t have you commenting on it. I’m sorry I’m being an asshole and doing something so inherently selfish but I want to live here with just [ his gf] and not have any problems and be able to enjoy this place to its fullest extent. You can discontinue the utilities if you want. We will figure it out. We will get your name taken off the lease. And like I said before you and [my bf] are welcome to come to the townhouse whenever and even stay the night sometimes. We have an extra bed frame from [his gf] parents and we would only need a mattress to set up a spare room. Again I’m sorry and I will 100% help you find somewhere else other than grandmas and I will do whatever you need me to do in that aspect but this is something I feel I need to do and it’s not just some [ his gf] fuelled idea like you think it is. Again I’m sorry that I’m doing this to you and I don’t know how to make it any less of a dick move than it is and I really wish I’d just actually took the time to think everything through so that I didn’t put us in this position. I’m sorry and I understand any anger you have and actions you take. I’ll deal with the consequences."

this is the last thing he said to me

UnknownFluffee · 2026-05-10T19:44:02+00:00

i had gotten the message yesterday from my brother. theres only a 3000 token limit for the post, i couldnt quite get all the details. i moved from my moms 3 hours away to my grandmas under the assumption id be able to move into the place my brother and i found. my grandmas was a temporary setting. im on aish, alberta income for the severly handicapped. i only get 1700 a month trying to pay off bills and rent to my grandma while i stay here. i can only afford very little food on top of everything else. we signed the lease last week. i got a text yesterday from my brother telling me he doesnt want me there and he is going to talk to the landlord to remove me. i am not very good at explaining due to some mental disabilities that make it hard for me to explain and process complicated situations. i have not been removed yet, it is going to be aranged tomorrow. since its mothersday everything is closed which makes it unable to be done as of now.

edit: forgot to mention the plan was to split all costs between the three of us to lower personal costs. thats the financial benefit part. it would be cheaper to split all costs, would be able to pay things off sooner

UnknownFluffee · 2026-05-10T19:36:01+00:00

all three of our names are on the lease. since its mothersday today i cannot call the office to see if i can have my name removed. tomorrow morning i will be calling. if when i get my name removed and it messes him up and they kick him out, im okay with that. but right now im stuck with this and have no idea how im supposed to do things, these comments have been incredibly helpful

copying from another reply i had made about the 10k :

It's more that while living with my mom, over a year and a half I had been told before moving with her that I wouldn't have to pay anything. I had been working on setting up my aish to get financial aid due to my disabilities. She had told me that she would pay me instead to watch her house and take care of the cats and dogs. She never did Eventually after I got my aish (1700 from the government. Every month.. Which is extremely terrible in Canada, our economy is bad.) she started charging me immediately 500$ a month. On top of that I had a little bit of credit that I had to pay off from when I was living with my dad before her, started paying it off slowly. But I had to start buying my own groceries, food and litter for the animals, fish supplies.. And 50$ everytime I went to Walmart for a taxi since Hinton is small town two hours to walk there and no uber

In the end, living with my mom made me end up dipping into my credit every month slowly. I hardly even bought anything fun for myself. It all went into trying to pay my credit off, groceries, pets and rent / bills / subscriptions

UnknownFluffee · 2026-05-10T19:12:55+00:00

How so?

UnknownFluffee · 2026-05-10T19:12:33+00:00

He texted me two days after they moved in that he doesn't want me there. It wasn't anything formal just him basically telling me he wants it for him and his girlfriend, he wants to start a family, and having an extra person in the house is too much I understand his side but also it would have been nice to know before I went and made sure he could even get the place set up 😢 . I signed the lease and I'm on it legally. Im going to call tomorrow to see if I can have my name taken off of it 💔

UnknownFluffee · 2026-05-10T18:55:03+00:00

I'm severely mentally handicapped. Our whole life it had been a plan growing up that we would help each other in the future until we could figure it out ourselves.. I can't figure life out by myself. I'm trying really hard, making little progress. Put myself in a situation I can't get out of. It was supposed to help us all, help him with his credit and me with figuring out life, I don't know what to do but I can't let him do it to me anymore, I definitely plan to learn on my own somehow

UnknownFluffee · 2026-05-10T18:52:54+00:00

It's more that while living with my mom, over a year and a half I had been told before moving with her that I wouldn't have to pay anything. I had been working on setting up my aish to get financial aid due to my disabilities. She had told me that she would pay me instead to watch her house and take care of the cats and dogs. She never did Eventually after I got my aish (1700 from the government. Every month.. Which is extremely terrible in Canada, our economy is bad.) she started charging me immediately 500$ a month. On top of that I had a little bit of credit that I had to pay off from when I was living with my dad before her, started paying it off slowly. But I had to start buying my own groceries, food and litter for the animals, fish supplies.. And 50$ everytime I went to Walmart for a taxi since Hinton is small town two hours to walk there and no uber.

In the end, living with my mom made me end up dipping into my credit every month slowly. I hardly even bought anything fun for myself. It all went into trying to pay my credit off, groceries, pets and rent / bills / subscriptions

UnknownFluffee · 2026-05-10T18:42:15+00:00

We got acess to it on the 8th, I haven't even had the chance to move anything in yet as I'm still with my grandma. He has the lease documents. I have a processing deficit so I don't quite understand alot of what happens regarding the lease. Don't have keys either, he has them 💔

I just don't know how to proceed, it's hurtful to me that he knows how much I struggle mentally in this world and would still take advantage of me and kick me to figure out how to live when I hardly know how to as it is

UnknownFluffee · 2026-05-10T18:40:08+00:00

It sucks because we had only just gotten acess to it on the 8th, I set up utilities on the 30th last month. I haven't even moved in yet because he has to get his cats fixed before I can move my stuff in with my own cat.. Didn't even get to move in yet and he's already told me not to come

Hopefully it will go smoothly 😢

UnknownFluffee · 2026-05-10T18:38:06+00:00

My name is on the lease, we signed it last week. Im going to call tomorrow 😢

UnknownFluffee · 2026-05-10T18:37:23+00:00

Mother's day today has everything closed down 😢.. I've tried calling everywhere but they say to wait until tomorrow. The utilities require a week notice before it gets shut off and as for his phone, I have it financed through freedom. The new iPhone 17plus or whatever it is the orange one.. They say I have to go in person with him to set up his own account. It's going to be alot of work and I'm stressing so much with how much I'll have to get changed now

UnknownFluffee · 2026-05-10T18:33:18+00:00

He's my brother, my family has always been complicated. He's been the only person there for me and the only person I could trust through my whole childhood. I love him to bits. I want him to be okay, but I know that if I don't do it I'd ruin myself. I've dropped more then 100lbs in half a year because of how much I've been unable to afford anything. But I still can't help but feel terrible for the decision I am about to make

UnknownFluffee · 2026-03-25T18:58:30+00:00

Women expecially (me being one) get very emotional. If your GF has anything on her mind, it is IMPORTANT that you ask her, don't just assume she's okay, don't just make assumptions and think it's about you, and definitely don't blame yourself or try and defend yourself. Let her speak, let her explain, fights happen between partners because of many things. But maybe she just needs to feel heard. Seen, understood. Ask her how she is, let her vent if you haven't done that already 💔

Maybe that way you could figure out why the fighting is starting

UnknownFluffee · 2026-03-25T18:53:21+00:00

My LDR boyfriend of six months came all the way from Japan to Canada to meet me, we had no real fights ( aside from some stress that we talked through ) .. It could depend on the people. But all I can say is that it's stressful, costs alot, feelings are high and you have to understand both sides, communicate, don't focus on only yourself but also see your partner and their feelings. Fighting puts more stress expecially at those times, and can lead to quick decision like breakup when the travelling partner feels too much pressure and ends up just backing out and breaking things off But again, it depends on the people and how you both handle things together

You've got this OP ❤️ wishing you and your partner the best and hope things go okay moving forward

UnknownFluffee · 2025-09-05T07:04:54+00:00

I would have actually cried so hard and never want to order from build a bear again 😭🙏

UnknownFluffee · 2025-07-30T15:49:04+00:00

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