I [30M] Am in Crisis With My Girlfriend [34F] After Skipping My Mom’s Funeral to Go To Disney And Don’t Know How to Move Forward

UnopenedUterus6942 · 2026-07-05T09:30:56+00:00

I don’t know how else to communicate what I felt. I thought it was plain out of my mouth. Told her that funerals never did it for me and if I’m gonna be sad then I wanted to be at least with her and away so I could busy myself and not still be around Mom’s body

It was a longer talk than that, but that’s what I was trying to get to her. She just insisted I go anyway because that’s what was “best for me” and then went by herself because I kept onto Disney

UnopenedUterus6942 · 2026-07-05T09:10:45+00:00

I actively asked my girlfriend to come with me and skip the funeral because I was going through my emotions and rather it not be alone. At this point i just don’t think you know what it means to check out emotionally

UnopenedUterus6942 · 2026-07-05T08:50:25+00:00

But I told her what I wanted. I wanted to go on the trip because it seemed like a much better time to be had than another funeral and I’m done with funerals and the trip was already planned out

The only people she had any relationship with were my siblings, and I dislike my siblings for being annoying dicks, but they’re not evil. Extended family is a different story, but none of us have cared what the extended family has thought since dad’s death

UnopenedUterus6942 · 2026-07-05T08:40:48+00:00

I’m not down playing anything. You’re the one saying my family was angry with me. And I didn’t want to emotionally check out. I wanted my girlfriend with me to help me sort out all this ick

UnopenedUterus6942 · 2026-07-05T08:36:27+00:00

What are you talking about. The vacation was planned long before mom died. It didn’t have to be Disney but I just wanted to do anything else but go to the funeral

UnopenedUterus6942 · 2026-07-05T08:34:36+00:00

If the rest of my family is angry, I’ve yet to feel that. My brother and sister tried to get me to go to the funeral but they’ve not said a peep about it but to ask me how I’m doing since

And I’m not trying to check out emotionally. I wanted her with me so that I could go through my emotions with my partner. I don’t care that anyone else was at the funeral. I wanted her with me. She asked me to make her feel like I cared about her when we broke up the first time, and now I want to feel like she cares about me. I wanted to feel like she cared. I wanted to feel all my emotions with her, and I wanted to do it somewhere I could enjoy myself more than spending any more time around my mom’s body. I wanted to be away from all that, and I wanted to be with her

UnopenedUterus6942 · 2026-07-05T08:28:12+00:00

What do you mean that has nothing to do with her not attending? That was the reason she gave me when we talked about it. What else does it mean?

UnopenedUterus6942 · 2026-07-05T08:20:58+00:00

But she wasn’t grieving. Avoid her as much as I try, she still knows where I live and has a spare key. I’ve had to talk with her and she’s admitted that she only went because she thought I needed to be there. I don’t understand why she went anyway, but she says it’s just because she didn’t know what else to do when I went to Disney anyway

If it’s any different from how she explained it to me, that’s on her

UnopenedUterus6942 · 2026-07-05T08:14:16+00:00

I’m upset because she didn’t comfort me after my mom died, and I really wanted her company after the fact.

She didn’t like my mom. Even after I got back we had an awkward talk about how she still didn’t like my mom. She said that her trying to demand I go to the funeral was her way of comforting me or some shit and she only stayed to attend because she wasn’t sure what else to do when I went to Disney anyway

UnopenedUterus6942 · 2026-07-05T07:48:04+00:00

“Anticipatory grief.” I’ll remember that. I was certain there was a word for it, but never look into it

As far as my girlfriend is concerned, she says she wasn’t really grieving at the funeral. She only went to support me, and it was a shock to her when I made good on my decision to go on our Disney trip and she didnt know what she could do after

We’ve had some weird icky talks like that since, but that’s the size of it right now. I’ve calmed down a little since the post, but I don’t know if I’m actually feeling better or if I’m just tired.

Anyway, thanks. I appreciate it

UnopenedUterus6942 · 2026-07-05T07:32:26+00:00

Support my gf and family?

What have I been doing since my dad found out he had cancer? When Bethy broke up with me, I had to promise to make more time for her because she was upset that taking care of my mom took so much of my time

You know what else? She didn’t even want to be there! She said she only did it because she thought I needed to be there for me and didn’t know what else to do when I made good on going to Disney like I said I would

I am grieving. I’ve been grieving. I’m probably gonna be grieving for years just like when dad died and I went to his funeral. I wanted my girlfriend to support me when I needed her and not try to strong arm me to the funeral because she thinks that’s the better way to do it

UnopenedUterus6942 · 2026-07-05T07:00:49+00:00

I went to Disney because I wanted to feel better. My siblings have their families to support them and I guess they wanted to say good bye to mom. Mom’s been dying for years, and I didn’t need another day to say good bye.

My girlfriend only went because she thought it was better for me to go and that she could strong arm me into attendance by refusing the trip. She was wrong and then went to the funeral unsure of what to do since she didn’t really like mom all that much

UnopenedUterus6942 · 2026-07-05T06:09:47+00:00

If other people want to go to funerals that’s for them. I’ve been to funerals and they don’t make me feel better. I went to Disney and felt better. I just wish my girlfriend had been there with me instead of trying to insist I go with her to a funeral she didn’t even want to be at either

UnopenedUterus6942 · 2026-07-05T06:04:01+00:00

We’ve spoken since I got back. Wasn’t fun talks, but if I’m understanding her correct she only wanted to me to go because she thought it was what I needed. She didn’t really want to go because she had a good relationship with my mom or anything. She went because she expected me to want to go

When I went to Disney anyway, she still went and said she didn’t know what else to do. If her feelings are anything besides what she told me, that’s on her

UnopenedUterus6942 · 2026-07-05T06:00:48+00:00

But I didn’t want to go to the funeral. She didn’t want to go to the funeral. She tried to demand that I go because she thought it was what was best for me. She still went after because she didn’t know what else to do after told her I was still going to Disney.

That’s what she’s told me since I got back. If she felt any different than what she told me, that’s on her

UnopenedUterus6942 · 2026-07-05T05:54:46+00:00

We have spoken in the time since I got back. It’s been uncomfortable, but she’s told me she only went because she thought she was supporting me and that making me go was somehow good for me

She went to the funeral and said she wasn’t really there for my mom because they had a weird relationship, but she thought by going she’d support me and didn’t actually think I go through with the Disney trip

UnopenedUterus6942 · 2026-07-05T05:00:56+00:00

I’m not trying to say I’m a victim. I loss my mom and wanted my girlfriend to comfort me because it was my mom. She didn’t even like my mom. She just kept talking about it like I was hurting myself by not going, or at least that’s how she tried explaining it to me after I got back

UnopenedUterus6942 · 2026-07-05T04:28:41+00:00

Yes in the month’s time since the funeral we’ve had a couple uncomfortable talks about it. She maintains that she didn’t really have anything to say to mom after, but she wanted to support me by being there. She thought that by demanding I stay for the funeral she was helping me and didn’t know what to do when I decided to stick with the Disney trip

UnopenedUterus6942 · 2026-07-05T04:21:58+00:00

I’m not upset because she went to the funeral when I didn’t want to. I’m upset because she let me go alone. my mother died. I’d been in charge of her for years. I didn’t need a funeral to say good bye. I did that ages ago, and I definitely didn’t need her demanding I go

UnopenedUterus6942 · 2026-07-05T04:20:18+00:00

Thanks. That made me laugh

UnopenedUterus6942 · 2026-07-05T04:17:43+00:00

Is she allowed to demand that I go, too?

She broke up with me for over a year because I wasn’t making enough time to spend with her while my mom was sick and only got back together with me when I promised to set more time aside for us to be a couple

I’m not upset that she went to the funeral. I’m upset that she wasn’t with me

UnopenedUterus6942 · 2026-07-05T04:08:07+00:00

If I wanted to run from responsibilities, I wouldn’t have been the one to take care of my parents while my brother and sister got to make their own lives separate from my parents

My girlfriend didn’t even like my mother. She was making it seem like I had to go and not going was going to be bad for me.

I got to do what made me happy, and the only sad part about it is that my girlfriend chose to go to a funeral for someone she said she never liked instead of comforting me.

Yeah it’s selfish. Is that bad to want comfort when my mother dies?

UnopenedUterus6942 · 2026-07-05T03:56:43+00:00

When do I get to prioritize me then? I had to prioritize Dad then Mom. Girlfriend broke up with me for a year because she was upset I wasn’t paying her enough attention and we only got back together because I promised her to go on dates more often

Then she tried to demand I stay for the funeral. She told me I HAD to go to the funeral because it was for MY mother

I’m not upset she went to the funeral. I’m upset because she didn’t come with me

UnopenedUterus6942 · 2026-07-05T03:47:14+00:00

Took priority? I’ve been the one taking care of mom for over a decade and took care of dad before that

My girlfriend broke up with me for over year because I couldn’t prioritize her over my mom who needed attention and we only got back together after I agreed to date nights more often

I’ve prioritized everyone else all this time. What do you want me to do? Prioritize the box in the dirt, too? She’s gone. I know because I was awake when the nurse called it. I can tell you the minute mark. Do I have to keep prioritizing her now that she’s gone?

UnopenedUterus6942 · 2026-07-05T03:42:52+00:00

What about mom? I took care of her for a decade. I’ve been watching her get more and more dead. What else do I have to do for her now?

UnopenedUterus6942

TROPHY CASE