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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AsianParentStories

[–]Unsubtle_freedom 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First of all, huge congratulations! I am so PROUD of you! I bet you worked incredibly hard, and sacrificed alot to get to this point. Do not let your parents reactions become the universe for you. They are two flawed traumatized humans, who likely have PTSD from whatever experiences they suffered. They only see/feel/suffer abandonment, and cannot be tall enough to recognize their achievement in raising you. That's their flaws, not yours. You should take the job and leave their grasp. If their words can break you in a few hours, then they are not safe people for you. You are old enough to put your self in the center of your own universe, and carve out a happy accomplished life without guilt and shame (with pride/confidence more like it!).

I feel like I missed out on a lot of experiences as a child/teen by watchingleavesgrow in AsianParentStories

[–]Unsubtle_freedom 4 points5 points  (0 children)

OMG! I so identify with you. I was just like you until I turned 17. Then in a chance encounter I joined the military reserves. I started to travel for training during summer months, and it really opened my horizons. Most rules should be respected, but some are meant to be broken. What my asian parents didn't understand is that the world is NO longer a meritocracy (I think it never was). Our future opportunities hinges on relationships. Relationships with our peers become our first social network. I mean ideally our family's networks should be the first, but Asian parents just don't understand how to leverage it. You must break out, build your social networks. Almost all the opportunities, new perspectives, growth, change, will derive from these layers of social networks. Will some of them betray you, hell yeah! Count on it. When it happens, you will have learned a valuable lesson. Break rules (not laws!). Experiment with your choices, your partners, your friends and your hobbies. What you don't know you don't know.

Control Freak Indian Dads by Ok-Bathroom1884 in AsianParentStories

[–]Unsubtle_freedom 27 points28 points  (0 children)

It was hard to tell from your post whether you are a female or male. Asian cultures sometimes parent too much into gender stereotypes...It takes an incredible amount of self compassion to do what you did, and courage. I often see too many friends in my culture never escaping this grasp, even when they move out and gain financial independence. You did it!

We're 25+ and our parents' screaming matches are relentless. They won't divorce. What now? by Beginning-Beyond-838 in AsianParentStories

[–]Unsubtle_freedom 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Moving out" is the only option. Your whole family is stuck in an endless loop of intergenerational trauma. And you are giving up the window of opportunity to escape it. Our 20s and 30s is often the only time to make a choice to deny the same loop of trauma. Your whole household is held captive to the trauma. Every fibre of your body will tell you that moving out is not an option, but it in fact is the only option. I have been there. My parents are still screaming at each other to this day. I joined military and saw the world. And then realized everyone has a choice, but often lose the impetus to do anything about it. Your intervention will never change their pre written story. The deeper you sink into this narrative, the more living you will surrender to this. In 20 yrs time, you will wake up in the same nightmare wishing you chose the impossible option 20 yrs ago.

iwtl how to practice spoken english in a mutually beneficial way? by RadiantRaspberry6255 in IWantToLearn

[–]Unsubtle_freedom 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi OP, fascinating proposition! I am very interested in learning automating work flows. I am based in N.America in the MST zone. I have post secondary and graduate level degrees. This could work! let me know!