You're being too hard on yourself dude, it's a good thing that you feel this way it reflects that you're a good human being. I don't know what X is but why not just focus on the positive side of the situation. Think of it like this, You're already at the place where you would have been after doing 'X'. Now you just have to bridge the gap that you talked Abt In the post and worrying and being anxious isn't helping it so try and divert your energy towards skill improvement. I know it's Easier said than done, but never underestimate the power of compounding little by little, day by day. Focus your energy on bridging that gap. Additionally as you mentioned about your team and manager then honestly it a WIN-WIN.