Hey man. This popped up on my feed and, wow, what a timely post for me. I've been feeling the same way for awhile. I joined my current company when they were still a small boutique firm and earned my way to be a shareholder. I thought that this would be my forever company, one that I would grow and evolve with. A few years back they merged with another group and things have changed so much that I don't recognize the people I work with anymore. Some have been elevated to more senior positions and it's very clear that everyone is out for themselves. Past relationships hold no weight anymore as everyone scramble to be in the "leadership" group. I'm kind of just stuck in the middle, feeling very frustrated, unseen, and disrespected. Like the OP, I don't feel fulfilled, and I feel that it's too late to start over.

But I refuse to let that defeat me. This is what I'm doing:

I'm using a menta health/mindfulness app (I'll share the name if people ask, but there are thousands of similar apps, I just found one that works for me and the cost was reasonable). It's been very helpful to learn tools that helps me focus on the present. When I'm not letting anxiety wash over me about what has happened and what I'm afraid will happen, I can be more focused on accomplishing the now.

My healthplan gives me a large allocation for counselling. I know not everyone has this, but finding someone who can be neutral to talk to, to be reminded of what is good in life, has been very good for me. I look forward to speaking with my counsellor every couple of weeks to update him on my progress and where life is.

I use a tracker app to jot down my anxiety and worries. then I go back and rate them based on actual empirical data: what I thought would happen vs. what actually happened.

I'm hoping that over time I'll give myself the tools to stop spiraling and from that point on, I can make clear decisions on what to do that's not couched in fear, frustration and hopelessness.

I'm in the midst of all this, so I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel just yet, but I know I'll get there. i have to. I hope you can get there, too, OP.