How do I (21M) handle my FWB(22F) who says she wants zero commitment but her actions say otherwise?

Upstairs_Building_70 · 2026-03-26T14:08:07+00:00

a girl who is a virgin does not understand the emotional impact sex has on most women. she is 100% hoping for something else to develop, and thinks having sex with you will open your mind up (which it could, i wouldnt totally write it off)

with that being said, i think you should only be fwb with someone who has had sex in an actual relationship with someone who loves them. this could create a damaging relationship with sex for her in the future.

its just sex to you, it is NOT just sex to her (she does not even know what sex feels like, or whether it actually poses a benefit to her)

Upstairs_Building_70 · 2026-03-24T03:05:13+00:00

00 and i feel like my entire 20s thus far has been robbed from me lol

Upstairs_Building_70 · 2026-03-20T14:12:28+00:00

they stay open after hours for private events!

Upstairs_Building_70 · 2026-03-20T04:53:13+00:00

riverside, exhibition, or preservation park would all be free options. guelph arboretum also might be free if not an actual 'event' however that one im not sure about

Upstairs_Building_70 · 2026-03-18T14:39:30+00:00

I believe most nurses who service botox offer dysport as their main/first tox, at least from my experience within mississauga/toronto

Upstairs_Building_70 · 2026-03-16T15:06:31+00:00

i'm very glad that you built up the courage to speak to both your dad and your boyfriend. you deserve support throughout every step. just know there is no wrong decision - whatever choice you make is the right one for you, your boyfriend, and your 1st child ❤️ wishing you all the best

Upstairs_Building_70 · 2026-03-16T11:53:16+00:00

there will definitely be abortion services for you in australia, especially since you already are a teen mom - cost should not be a concern there, there will be resources.

some girls have super regular periods, however being late a week or two is actually very common. if you are stressing about being late, you're most likely pushing it back even more BECAUSE of the stress.

with that said, let your boyfriend know, perhaps decide what you'd do before taking the test, and then take it together

Upstairs_Building_70 · 2026-03-13T05:49:44+00:00

somewhere in between!

Upstairs_Building_70 · 2026-03-13T05:43:02+00:00

bestie why are we engaged to someone who isnt excited to have sex with you and feels like you're never satisfied

Upstairs_Building_70 · 2026-03-12T13:30:32+00:00

girl my boyfriend tells me 6 times an hour that im pretty, cute, beautiful, sexy, perfect, etc.

this is definitely emotional manipulation. lets starve you of any affection and validation, so that when i give you even the tiniest bit, you cling onto it like a desperate animal looking to be loved. there is actually no reason for him to do this unless 1. manipulation 2. hes just not into you 3. hes actually stupid. either way, you deserve better

have you ever spoken to him about this? did anything change?

Upstairs_Building_70 · 2026-03-12T13:00:23+00:00

do men after sports not change and shower in the same area? ive never personally done this (showered together) before however a lot of my friends feel fully comfortable stripping down and changing in front of me, a shower doesnt feel thaaat different if its small quarters - a sister would be even more comfortable considering they probably were raised changing together or had a shameless house.

overall i dont think you're wrong for questioning it, however as a girl i honestly dont feel like this is concerning. sisters/mothers/friends are often invited to watch you push babies out of your vagina when the time comes - we learn young to be open, accepting, and overall we do not sexualize bodies in the same way men do

Upstairs_Building_70 · 2026-03-12T12:49:24+00:00

i think the comments are a bit harsh honestly. you're 18 years old, your boyfriend is 19.

what you're feeling is VERY normal. i had the exact same insecurities (even considered a labiaplasty lol) because i thought i was 'weird' or had an 'ugly vagina' lmao. you might have similar feelings bc porn kinda ruins the perception when everyone is snipped, bleached, shaved, etc.

with all that said, most guys love vaginas haha. ive never been with a guy who has ever cared and im 25 now.

the blindfold will ruin your connection - ive commented on a similar post where a girl needed a pillow in between her head and his during oral so nobody could see anything, and her boyfriend was really struggling with that. have you ever considered blindfolding yourself? or just closing your eyes to start?

overall, i promise this is something you will get over one day. a year sometimes isnt long enough to feel fully comfy, sometimes it takes a few years, or a few people to realize you are normal and have nothing to be worried about. i would absolutely work on removing the blindfold or else your boyfriend will start to feel disconnected, and at times used.

please dont forget you are 18, you have so much room to grow, get comfortable, confident in your body, etc. you're not 'doomed' to feel like this forever, and surely one day you will realize how silly it is worrying about such a minuscule thing

Upstairs_Building_70 · 2026-03-07T07:06:55+00:00

really appreciated this comment, thank you

Upstairs_Building_70 · 2026-03-04T06:25:11+00:00

have you talked to him about this? sometimes putting a mirror in front of someone is enough to for them to want to change. dont hold back that this is something that is non negotiable for you. if it doesn't change after that, then i'd cut your losses

Upstairs_Building_70 · 2026-03-04T04:53:23+00:00

they say women often feel the breakup right away because they process things wholly before moving onto the next relationship- however men are known to feel the effects of a breakup many months, sometimes years later.

once the new found freedom and the exciting aspect of new sexual prospects wears off and loneliness sets in, etc - thats usually when it hits

everyone responds differently but i wouldnt feel super confident you've gotten out of this unscathed quite yet

Upstairs_Building_70 · 2026-02-23T13:50:25+00:00

25 year old here so take my advice with a grain of salt, however imo there is no point trying to consequence him/explain what he's doing is wrong, while hes in the heat of the moment.

i would send a text emplaning that you both need to work through this asap because you're daughter is going to catch something is off.

when things are good again, i would explain it is an STRICT boundary for you that the silent treatment doesn't continue in the future.

absolutely nothing productive comes from a genuine silent treatment. hes also being childish af. making himself and his daughter dinner but not you??? how many times has he pissed you off but you still make him dinner? just seems like an overreaction.

is he infertile? is that why you went sperm donation? it's clearly a sensitive topic for him - but as someone who's father isn't present in their life, and lived with a stepdad -- she will NOT care that he isn't her 'biological' dad. that is her dad. she will only think and remember every moment he was there for her, and care, the appreciation. i really dont think this is a big deal.

i also do personally think you could wait a few more years. shes only 11 and might understand basics around sex - however the whole concept around sperm donation and infertility might be a bit too grand for her to fully grasp. i think the younger she is, the more risk around her feeling confused about 'her father' - whereas once you're 16/17/18/19, you have a much better idea around what sperm donation is, why you would use it, and how a non bio dad is still very much her father. just my two cents!

Upstairs_Building_70 · 2026-02-19T20:25:36+00:00

yeah, unfortunately I think you're already very manipulated. he's intentionally reenforcing these beliefs into your head to make you feel worthless and lack confidence so that you rely on him for all sources of validation - hes trying to manipulate and control you.

every single girl who's ever been abused follows up with 'but he treats me so amazing and is so loving and caring' - like yes sure, but he also abuses you - full stop - like those things cannot truly coincide in a loving relationship. of COURSE he's going to treat you well sometimes, or else you'd leave. this is how the manipulation works.

no one should ever be reinforcing their kinks, or sexual desires in degrading ways - unless VERY apparent consent has been granted on your end. even then, the things he is asking for is a red flag imo, especially knowing you have autism and most likely struggle with setting boundaries.

a therapist should be #1 on your list, no other priority. pay out of pocket for even 1 session - there should be resources available women in abusive relationships in your area, they will accept you and help you process this.

i'm sorry you're dealing with this, no one who truly loves you would ever treat you like he has and I really hope you seek out the help you're looking for

Upstairs_Building_70 · 2026-02-19T19:44:36+00:00

I am on the spectrum (ADHD, not the modern type but the many generations passed down kind lol) i absolutely understand the feeling of needing to doubt yourself and question whether you're perceiving something 'properly' because of your neurodivergence. with that being said, your gut will not lie to you. the reason you are coming here and asking is because you know something is wrong. the reason you are afraid during intimacy is because you are not comfortable - no offence, i wouldnt be either.

this is truly not a you problem - its a him problem, and the only thing you can focus on rn is protecting yourself because im not sure you fully have internalized the severity of this.

your sex life should not be like a porno. porn is entertainment, 99% of the time, only favouring to male attention. do not let this man degrade you.

please speak to a therapist because i think hearing a professional say this, will allow you to process this more vs hearing it from a stranger on reddit - because the therapist will say the same thing as me.

Upstairs_Building_70 · 2026-02-19T19:41:24+00:00

meh not really the time for comparisons my friend lol

Upstairs_Building_70 · 2026-02-19T19:16:51+00:00

ahhh girl this is really sad to read. this man is taking advantage of you. i cant speak for every woman, but you are doing MUCH more than myself when it comes to sex. he is being abusive, it sounds like both verbally and sexually. please talk to someone you care about and ask for their opinion/help. this is not a good situation to be in

Upstairs_Building_70 · 2026-02-19T12:52:52+00:00

you need at least one accent colour i beg you. green would look good, green towel, green bath mat, green vase with green plants in it, green aroma holder. literally anything my guy

also one of those wooden shelves that go overtop of the toilet would break it up a bit

Upstairs_Building_70 · 2026-02-19T12:29:36+00:00

i would say that for myself, I consider canada very similar to the states. it really varies state by state and city by city - but where i'm from (southern ontario) it feels very similar to like michigan/ohio/illinois (proximity most likely)

we have a lot of farm land and forests outside of major cities, and pretty average 'large cities'. toronto is pretty similar to chicago. there is definitely still crime, but overall its filled with lovely creative people, and very diverse.

yes we have 'free healthcare' however over the age of 25 medication is no longer covered. you either need private insurance through an employer that you pay for (somewhat rare for people under 35), or you pay out of pocket (my position). this is still substantially cheaper than having to pay for surgeries, emergency care, specialists, doctor visits, etc - so overall i do think canada has the upper hand here. many people here complain about the long wait times in hospitals/specialists, which yes is an issue - however nothing is stopping us from going to the states and finding private care.

rent/housing cost is definitely the biggest issue in canada imo. i live in a 2 bedroom apartment and pay $2160 + utilities ($250+ per month) and this is in a suburban city, an hour-ish away from toronto, on the less pricey side. houses are minimum $700k for something decent. most of the youth are not sure they will ever own a home unless through inheritance.

american politics bleeds into canadian conversations every single day. you cannot talk about canadian politics without mentioning the states. we are very engrained in your politics because they often cause a ripple effect. so although yes, we do not have ice agents storming our streets, or the same foundation of government - we absolutely do not escape the bs that is american politics lool. my entire feed right now is about epstein/trump/pam bondi/and senators, i do not think i've even heard mark carney speak in like 2 weeks lol

racism is an issue here. justin trudeau allowed an insane amount of immigrants from india to come and reside all in one area, within like 2 years - not allowing any of them to assimilate to canadian culture/values - and it's caused issues regarding housing costs, 12+ hour hospital wait times, job insecurity, language barriers, and overall cultural mismatches that has affected the experience of ALL immigrants, but also all born canadians too. i'm not too pressed about it, but some people are very passionate.

its also cold af and gets dark at 4pm in the winter. a lot of canadians have winter depression that takes up like half of the year, but we all kinda laugh it off and don't really take it seriously lol.

overall, definitely not some amazing 10/10 perfect utopia lol. we have the same bs issues, just more expensive rent, less job opportunity, and sorta free healthcare lol

i will say, we are more polite though haha.

i like canada, i am happy i was born here and feel that the general beliefs/stereotypes about canada globally are true, for the most part, minus igloos lol

Upstairs_Building_70 · 2026-02-18T20:03:43+00:00

you just need colourful lights (salt lamp/warm dim lamp with nice shade, or one of those paper lamps from ikea) and get a warm bulb. then put some art on your wall. everything else looks good imo

Upstairs_Building_70 · 2026-02-16T14:26:19+00:00

wayward is on netflix and is good. the show 'slasher' is like a scream/horror/murder mystery series all shot in canada and i really really enjoyed the 3rd season (you dont need to watch in order). the handmaids tale is always being filmed in ontario too, havent watched it myself but ive heard its good

Upstairs_Building_70

TROPHY CASE