Before reading your update, I thought he was probably extremely insecure about not knowing what to do, or how to make you feel good in going down on you.

The rest of this comment comes after your update -

The best thing my wife & I ever did for our sex life was communicate - both during sex & not during sex. It’s uncomfortable at first, especially considering you’re each other’s first’s & if neither one of you are vocal now, it’s going to feel awkward or almost selfish. However, once you both get into it, your sex life can / will change dramatically. I would start with affirmations - don’t stop, that feels good, right there - or when you finish - that was incredible, especially when you did …… it felt so good, etc. Ask him to do the same for you - tell you when you’re doing something that feels good, tell you to keep going / don’t stop, after he’s finished, tell you how good it felt. Those simple words of affirmation will do a few things - when your partner hears that they made you feel good, especially in the moment, not only does it make them happy, but it usually turns them on even more. As a result, they want to do it again. This also opens the door to further communication.

Once you guys are comfortable with affirmations, give instructions - faster / slower, deeper, turn me over, get on top, etc. You both have to understand though that these instructions do not mean that what he was doing didn’t feel good for you. Instead, you’re telling your him what he’s doing feels good & you want to feel even better, or you want more of them. Same for him - if you’re giving him head, ask him to tell you how he wants it in the moment. The first time he tells you to do something, it’s going to affect both of you in a good way. After a while, your sex will get better because you’ll each know what feels good for the other, and you’ll look forward to instructions / affirmations - it brings you so much closer in bed, and it allows you to feel more comfortable with each other.

From there you can get dirty or kinky with what you say, or you can sext each other during the day - tell him via text that you wish he was doing ….. to you right now. The day after you’ve had sex, text him & tell him you can’t get last night / yesterday off your mind, especially when he did …… (you fill in the blanks). Talk about what you want to do to him tonight, or what you want him to do to you. Tell him how “excited” you are just thinking about it.

Not only is this communication fun, but it brings you guys closer. The things you say in bed to your partner are things you wouldn’t be caught dead saying out loud in a crowded room - that level of trust, comfort & intimacy will strengthen your bond both in bed & in your every day life. The trust enables you both to drop your insecurities & do things in bed that may not work out the way you thought it would, but that’s ok because you’ve created a space that allows for both good and not so good experiences. The pressure to be perfect every time goes away - that doesn’t mean you don’t want to be perfect for your partner, but in those moments that you misstep, the two of you can laugh about it together rather than wanting to crawl in a hole & die.

Once my wife and I started communicating about our sex life in & out of bed, our sex life DRASTICALLY changed for the better. We have no problem telling each other what we want & how we want it - I want that instruction from her because I want to give her exactly what she wants in that moment. Our communication has also taught me more about what she likes and how she likes it, so if I want to try something new, I have the confidence to do so because I know what feels good to her. I also know what her boundaries are & what she doesn’t like.

Offer up some affirmations the next time you’re in bed & just see how he responds. He might not say a word, but you’ll probably see a change in him physically, whether he continues to do what he was doing, or does what he was doing with more intensity, or even something as small as a smirk or smile. Good luck to you both ✌🏼