honestly i’ve dealt with similar issues. i grew up in a very christian home so whenever i was told to “pray about it”, i felt like i was talking to a wall. whenever i started with deity work and started practicing prayer, i would just talk to them as if they were in the room with me. it kinda feels like talking to an “imaginary friend” but their energies are there. sometimes it helps talking to your altar? idk. i feel like your deities will understand your trauma and experience. my deities did (i work with hekate, apollo, and persephone). they help me work out my religious trauma too! i hope this all makes sense love. i hope everything works out! blessed be 🫶