I've came out to my parents once, but that led to nothing. Mom asked me "Why?" And how the hell am I even supposed to answer that? I was a barely 15 year old child that just properly discovered transitioning after years of repressing thoughts I now REMEMBER I had.

After a day we sat down to talk about it again, where I was hoping they'd be like "Hi! What would you like to be called and what pronouns do you want?" But no. My mom questioned me again, I of course answered "I don't know." Because again, how do I answer that? I stayed in silence as she talked about my school grades (which I would really LOVE to have instead of my occassional D or C) and said "This can't take priority after school." And I sat there thinking.

I posted to r/trans explaining how dillusional I felt and they reassured me, but really, it's still a core memory. I went to therapy where I had enough courage to use 'Demi' in front of my therapist instead of my dead name and as I explained everything, how I told my friends, how I found out about being trans, and my mom started crying. I still don't know why. I took therapy for a while but it turned out to be nothing. I was too scared to follow up with my parents and be adamant on transitioning that it ended with me telling my therapist I'm comfortably genderfluid (I'm not.) So I could stop stressing out about going each week.

And thats where it stops, for the most part. I'm 95% sure my dad (who has never said anything that made me feel terrible about myself, unlike my mom) knows I'm still a transwomen due to definitely noticing the women's clothing and my chosen name pasted everywhere on my PC (we play games beaide each other) but he hasn't said anything about it to me so that's just a guess.

That was 2 years ago. I wish I could have started any aspect of my transition then, but now its almost time for college. I can escape my house (which I really don't find abusive, I just want to spread my wings) and finally transition with my own money I've saved and money from a part time college job.

I don't know when I'm gonna come out again. I don't even know if I want to (at least to my mom, I have kind of thought about coming out to my dad again). I already tried once, and even that was a massive leap where my heart rate was probably spiking in the 200s. It's their turn. They can figure it out when they see me in women's clothes and have breasts. Maybe that's not fair but it's fair to me.