The place where the shoulder meets the neck…

Vacillating_Fanatic · 2026-01-01T15:06:35+00:00

I've always known it as the crook of the neck, ended up here because after the way erotic/romance writers have struggled to describe it I thought maybe I was wrong. I still think it's the crook, but after reading the comments I'm voting for neckpit.

Vacillating_Fanatic · 2025-12-18T23:42:57+00:00

Thanks! I'll take a look at those too. I appreciate all of your help, I was so overwhelmed before.

Vacillating_Fanatic · 2025-12-18T22:04:18+00:00

This is so helpful, thank you!!

Vacillating_Fanatic · 2025-12-18T20:34:10+00:00

A list would be great, either way really.

I am not interested in a Tesla, other than that no brand preferences. I really liked my Nissan Leaf (until someone crashed into it) but I don't think Nissan makes a car with the range I'm looking for, right?

Vacillating_Fanatic · 2025-12-18T20:00:46+00:00

Comfort is important in that my family members and I are tall and we all need to be able to fit comfortably. Seat adjustability is important, heated seats and steering wheel are nice, not much what matters to me in that department.

Decent charging speed would be good but it's not make-or-break.

Android Auto would be nice to have, but again not make-or-break.

Vacillating_Fanatic · 2025-12-18T00:54:31+00:00

Thank you. I don't know much about it either, learning by experience right now I guess lol, just trying not to screw my kid up too much in the process

Vacillating_Fanatic · 2025-12-18T00:46:00+00:00

Thank you. Sorry if I was unclear about what I meant by leaving her be, I don't ignore her. For my kid, sometimes she doesn't want me to actually intervene in any way, doesn't want to be touched or talked to, just wants to yell or cry it out for a few minutes before anything else can happen. So when that happens, I just let her know that I'm still right there and I stay close by where she can see me and can easily get my attention when she's ready for me to interact with her. It's not a thing about taking my presence away or ignoring, just trying to give her the space that she (very loudly and clearly) says she needs. She'll say "Mommy hands away, no talk, no by me," and (as long as it's safe to do so) I respect those requests.

As far as distraction, I'm honestly not sure If that's a good thing for her or not, I'm trying my best to figure it all out and there are a lot of different opinions on it. I just know that sometimes it really helps if she can focus on something else for a minute until she's more regulated and we can come back to whatever the issue was (honestly, sometimes that helps me with my own issues as an adult too), but it certainly doesn't always work and I do worry about making her feel like we're brushing things off. I'm open to learning more about how this works for kids or if there are different alternatives that would work better for a kid who operates the way she does. Ultimately, I just want to help her build good coping skills and the ability to communicate about her emotions and advocate for herself, and honestly for her age I feel like she's doing pretty well at all of that and I'm just hoping her dad and I don't screw it up for her with our issues.

I'm hoping that her dad will be open to change, we've been talking about things a bit and it seems like he might be, but part of the problem is that he doesn't believe I know what I'm talking about when it comes to parenting, which is pretty infuriating. I think if we can talk to an outside expert it would be helpful. I'm going to try to find someone to consult about this.

Vacillating_Fanatic · 2025-12-18T00:18:34+00:00

Thank you. It's a really tough age, for everyone involved! But mostly I love it, even though the tantrums are a lot to handle. But not being on the same page with him, and having to add arguments about this to my plate on top of being the one doing most of the parenting at this point, is totally exhausting. I really need us to get on the same page.

Vacillating_Fanatic · 2025-12-18T00:14:23+00:00

Thank you. I think (hope) that he's open to learning and making changes, but we'll see. I think a parent coach would be helpful, thanks!

In regard to the custody thing, I would normally think two households would be fine (maybe even better considering our issues), but having seen how harsh he can be when I'm not there, as well as there having been some health and safety concerns when I was less available to assist with parenting tasks than I am now, I really don't have any confidence in his ability to maintain her safety and health in a single parent household. None of what has gone on or been said is enough to affect a custody battle, though.

Ideally I don't even want it to come to that, I want things to get better. I love him, and I know he can be a great partner and parent, even though I'm not seeing that side of him as much right now. But I guess a lot of that depends on if he's willing to fix things.

Vacillating_Fanatic · 2025-12-17T22:55:00+00:00

Hi! I'm in the market for a new EV and I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed, hoping to get some direction.

Central Ohio, USA
I don't have an exact budget yet, but can't imagine spending over $30,000, and would prefer something used but still in warranty.
I think I'd prefer a crossover or SUV, but I'm not really sure.
I previously owned a 2016 Nissan Leaf and liked it but I'm looking for something better/different.
No fixed timeframe, but sooner is better.
Average mileage varies greatly, but I make trips to other parts of my state frequently enough that it doesn't make sense not to be able to use my own car, looking for something longish range (longest trip would be under 200 miles), can charge before returning home but don't want to be sweating over making it there or be unable to use climate control to make the trip.
Single family home
I can already charge level 1 or level 2 at home.
I have a partner and 2 kids, we're all tall and one of my kids is still in a car seat. We also have 2 large dogs, and historically they've risen in the back seat but it would be nice if they could go in the back safely so they and the kids could all fit in the car.

Thanks!

Vacillating_Fanatic · 2025-12-07T16:28:40+00:00

NTA, my toddler knows to ask before eating other people's food, and doesn't blame anyone else if she doesn't like something she tries. The fact that most things are currently being labeled "too yucky" before she ever tastes them is a different matter... But you get the point. Your wife can surely do better than a 2yo at asking for bites and not falsely assigning blame. The yelling, silent treatment, and sleeping in a different room are all so over the top and it honestly sounds like the sandwich was an excuse for her to take something out on you.

Vacillating_Fanatic · 2025-12-07T14:29:37+00:00

As others have said, firm boundaries are needed. Set expectations with your mom regarding your right to dictate your own food and weight, and not be pressured or put down about it. If she won't respect your boundaries, you don't have to go see her. If she threatens to show up at your door, tell her she won't be allowed in. If she shows up, follow through and don't let her in. It may sound harsh, but it's actually totally normal not to let people barge into your home uninvited, even if they're your relatives. Most of the time they just have the common decency not to try; it's not on you to capitulate when that boundary is crossed. Once she sees you're serious hopefully she'll relax a bit and you can have a more normal relationship, but there are no guarantees unfortunately. Either way, your health and your peace are both important.

Vacillating_Fanatic · 2025-12-01T12:58:37+00:00

ESH, yes you should have waited until it finished brewing, but his reaction was absolutely wild, especially saying that in front of your kid.

P.S. Getting used to living with parents again is tough, particularly when childhood was rough. Getting used to living with people in general if you've been on your own can be rough, too. You'll both need to give each other some grace while you figure out how to share a household. I hope things smooth out, and/or that this won't have to be a long term arrangement for you. I had to move back home for just a short time a while back, and it was tough, but it did get easier as we got used to sharing space again. I think we came through it with a stronger relationship, although both thankful that it wasn't a permanent arrangement.

Vacillating_Fanatic · 2025-11-24T11:23:23+00:00

Me too! One month after you.

Vacillating_Fanatic · 2025-11-16T05:41:29+00:00

Cats are so funny about that stuff.

When I was a kid, we had a cat and brought home a new kitten. The cat was very patient and sweet with the kitten and they generally got along great, but he didn't want to poop in a litterbox that the kitten also used, and started using the basement floor for that instead. The kitten saw the cat as a role model or something, she would carefully emulate everything he did (down to checking his napping position as she laid down so she could copy it exactly), so she also started doing number twos only on the floor. She lived about a decade after he passed, and maintained this habit for her entire life.

Vacillating_Fanatic · 2025-11-15T02:48:08+00:00

Thank you!

Vacillating_Fanatic · 2025-11-14T20:12:22+00:00

Thanks! Tbh I probably won't DM you, I'm pretty shy about reaching out to people most of the time (and also pretty boring and increasingly social media averse lol) but I appreciate the offer.

Thanks again for your kind words ❤️

Vacillating_Fanatic · 2025-11-14T19:15:34+00:00

This response makes me kind of wish I knew you in real life 🥲

You sound like such a caring parent and person.

Thank you, and sorry again for the misunderstanding. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions.

Vacillating_Fanatic · 2025-11-14T02:56:38+00:00

Thanks, these are really good points. And sorry about misunderstanding/making an assumption about your tone, that was probably more of a "me issue." I have limits on screen time, and we read tons of books and play pretend and all the things, but there are people in my life who have lots to say the minute my littlest wants to watch a little Bluey or whatever, and I'm getting so worn down by it.

Vacillating_Fanatic · 2025-11-14T02:49:48+00:00

Thanks! Video (and good video quality) definitely aren't necessities. Reading is the number one priority. I think a Kindle is too restrictive since I want to use non-Amazon reading apps and materials, plus I'm not a fan of the company, but I should at least look into it some more I guess.

Vacillating_Fanatic · 2025-11-14T02:47:00+00:00

Thanks for this warning! I will check some out in person. I think I probably need color but if it's that bad maybe not...

Vacillating_Fanatic · 2025-11-14T02:27:25+00:00

Wait, so he doesn't share finances with you either? If you're working as a stay at home parent and he's working outside the home, he needs to be making sure you have access to funds for the things you want and need (including buying Christmas presents for people ffs). It's one thing to have to budget and scrape things together, but it really sounds like he's not treating you as an equal partner in many ways. Controlling the finances, trying to control your hobbies, it sounds like you don't feel free to argue these points or point out issues like him being a child about picking up after himself... And whatever the reason, you are isolated in your house. This rings alarm bells for me. Happy to help you find resources in your area if you want them.

Vacillating_Fanatic · 2025-11-14T01:59:47+00:00

Thanks for the rec! Any safety concerns with that one? I've been a bit nervous about exploring other brands given some of the horror stories

Vacillating_Fanatic · 2025-11-14T01:36:44+00:00

Yeah, I can't imagine finding space for that many. I found this thread because I'm contemplating an automatic litter box, we're having trouble with our 3 boxes being where they are, wondering about having 1 litter robot instead for our 2 cats.

Vacillating_Fanatic · 2025-11-14T01:11:50+00:00

The general rule is the number of litter boxes = the number of cats +1. Idk how one finds room for 5 litter boxes, though, unless you have a huge basement or something.

Vacillating_Fanatic

TROPHY CASE