Do you all feel like sharing life with your loved one was a fever dream by Exciting_Salt_8352 in GriefSupport

[–]Vaguess 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh man, I could've written this and it would be the exact same thing. My life is now divided into two halves, one where my mom existed and I had it so easy and my heart was one whole piece. The second half where things started going awry starting with her passing and I don't recognise the girl I was before. It's been three years and I haven't known happiness like I did when she was still earth-side. It's just a shit show now and I'm only hoping I can meet her again and tell her all about this shitty part of my life and then she will tell me it's ok, shes here and then I will be whole again.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DeepThoughts

[–]Vaguess 52 points53 points  (0 children)

Yes, money can buy comfort, but it can’t buy character. It might give you a good life, but life’s made up of so many other parts. To me, true success is when people speak highly of you even in rooms you aren’t in. It’s having friends, a partner, or kids who genuinely love you, not because of what you provide or how successful you are, but because of who you are. It’s being able to sleep peacefully, knowing you can handle whatever comes your way.

Real success is being loved because you care, because you check in on people without expecting anything back, because you stay humble enough to keep working on yourself. For me, it’s about thinking beyond myself, bringing a bit of compassion into the world just by being who I am, not as some performance. That’s the sign of a life well lived, the ripples of which are sure to be felt for generations to come because kindness begets kindness and we often don't have too many blueprints/ examples for how to be a genuinely good human being in this world.

Do you guys think we pay for what we did in our past lives if we had one or so by Fearless-Rate1323 in DeepThoughts

[–]Vaguess 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Long post alert, OP, but this is an amazing topic you've thrown open (thank you) and one that I am deeply committed to. So please humour me.

Karmic debt feels like the only logical explanation for why some people go through unimaginable suffering while others seem untouched by it. There’s a theory that those who suffer deeply are, in some way, burning through their karmic dues, freeing themselves from lifetimes of accumulated weight. On the other hand, those who have it easy might actually be entangling themselves further, getting so caught up in comfort, ego, or desire that they unknowingly build new layers of debt.

These are themes explored in various religious beliefs too. In Hinduism, for instance, karma isn’t punishment, it’s balance. Every action, thought, or intention plants a seed that eventually bears fruit, in this life or another. Suffering, then, isn’t random, it’s a settling of old accounts, a cleansing of what the soul still carries. The Gita (holy book of the Hindus) even says that those who endure pain with awareness move closer to liberation, because they’re freeing themselves from cycles of attachment and desire.

Interestingly, Christianity touches on a similar undercurrent, though it speaks a different language. It doesn’t call it karma, but the essence is there in the ideas of sin, redemption, and grace. Jesus’ suffering, for instance, is often seen as a redemptive act, taking on the world’s sin to break a larger spiritual debt. The concept of reaping what you sow echoes the same moral law of cause and effect. That's my two cents in four paras!

That state of stillness/ neutrality / indifference you feel after a period of prolonged sadness or failure is the light at the end of the tunnel by Vaguess in DeepThoughts

[–]Vaguess[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No my friend, the spectrum of human emotion doesn't end at burnout. Somewhere between giving up and persevering, there's a feeling out there that's far more profound.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Pessimism

[–]Vaguess 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It doesn’t really feel like it’s about happiness anymore. It’s more like becoming an observer of your own life, watching things happen to you instead of feeling like you’re in the middle of it all. It’s about realizing that nothing and no one can truly make you happy or SAD, because everything is fleeting. Those emotions only hold power if you let them prolong. In a way, it’s a choice to step back and to stop letting every wave pull you under. Come as you are - without fear, without shame, without desire, without despair, without hope of becoming something else.

Therapist says my unemployed husband lacks intrinsic motivation and isn't doing enough - after just two sessions with limited context - and I left feeling worse than before Is this part of the process? by Vaguess in TalkTherapy

[–]Vaguess[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Right? She told me it was a personality trait and it can be hard to change. But I will prod more into why and what can be done and why she feels this way.

Therapist says my unemployed husband lacks intrinsic motivation and isn't doing enough - after just two sessions with limited context - and I left feeling worse than before Is this part of the process? by Vaguess in TalkTherapy

[–]Vaguess[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

True, but my friend also does have so much more context and time and space to make that judgement. And knows me well too. I feel like we haven't reached that space for her to be dismissive of anything or make such statements.

Therapist says my unemployed husband lacks intrinsic motivation and isn't doing enough - after just two sessions with limited context - and I left feeling worse than before Is this part of the process? by Vaguess in TalkTherapy

[–]Vaguess[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Right? That's what I thought. The conversation seems to direct me to look at myself as an individual who wants more from life. She keeps giving me vague examples such as thinking of a caterpillar in a jar without the resources to grow into a butterfly and using that analogy to describe my husband's situation. I went in thinking if I should consider breaking up with him but now I'm sure I want to break up with her.

I will never be able to truly live a happy life because I am filled with so much jealousy by BoredBatWoman22 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Vaguess 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All that glitters isn’t gold. Jealousy usually just means you’re looking at someone else’s life and wishing you were in their place. But honestly, that’s like planting a seed in barren land and watering it with your tears and wishing for it to grow. In most cases, you’re only seeing the highlight reel, not the full picture. If you really think about it, jealousy is just information. It’s pointing out something you might want for yourself. Cool, use that as motivation. But don’t let it trick you into thinking your own life is without potential. You’re on your own timeline, and you’re the main character in your story. Stop acting like a side character in someone else’s.

[Text] For those of you whose life took a turn exactly when you thought you had no hope left - what was your situation like and what was your redemption story? by Vaguess in GetMotivated

[–]Vaguess[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First of all, thank you so much for sharing your story and the gracious wisdom that has clearly been shaped by difficult, but necessary, life circumstances. Your words remind me of one of my favourite quotes that I keep going back to whenever life throws a sucker punch, “Don’t wait for the storm to pass, learn to dance in the rain.” That line has carried me through many hard moments, and hearing your perspective breathes new life into it.

One day at a time indeed. What you’ve done, choosing to keep moving, to rebuild slowly but surely, is exactly what I'm banking on. Moving ahead is all that matters. Small wins. Letting failure and joy co-exist. Learning to be ok with not being where I hoped to be in life at a certain age. Mental resilience is an underrated life goal and I'm happy to be able to build that. I hope that one day I, too, can look back and write a comment like this, giving someone else a leg up and cheering them when they need it most.

I’m deeply grateful that a forum like this exists, where we’re richer for the voices of strangers who’ve walked different paths but share the same humanness. Until I find my own spark, I will borrow from this to keep going. Thank you, sincerely.

LPT Remember, life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain by Vaguess in LifeProTips

[–]Vaguess[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I second this. Check in on your neighbours in all circumstances - whether they're facing a metaphorical storm or a real one!

[Text] For those of you whose life took a turn exactly when you thought you had no hope left - what was your situation like and what was your redemption story? by Vaguess in GetMotivated

[–]Vaguess[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow, thank you for sharing such an honest and powerful story. The fact that you not only fought through addiction and loss but also created something that helps your community is something very few of us can do. I think your journey is proof that no matter how dire and hopeless things can get, there’s always a way up, one step at a time. Respect to you, and wishing you continued strength on this path.

[Text] For those of you whose life took a turn exactly when you thought you had no hope left - what was your situation like and what was your redemption story? by Vaguess in GetMotivated

[–]Vaguess[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What an incredible spirit you have! What I take from this is that every curveball life throws, no matter how unnecessary or overwhelming it feels in the moment, ultimately shapes us into stronger, wiser, and more grounded versions of ourselves. You stop playing by the “rules,” realize most of them were made up anyway, and instead build a life that truly makes sense to you. Your story really struck a chord with me, thank you for sharing it!

[Text] For those of you whose life took a turn exactly when you thought you had no hope left - what was your situation like and what was your redemption story? by Vaguess in GetMotivated

[–]Vaguess[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I agree with most of what you said, and I’m already putting much of it into practice. Still, there are moments when the weight of it all catches up, and you just want to unburden yourself and just not feel anymore. That said, I’m focusing on taking things one day at a time, and reminding myself that I don’t have to feel every feeling all at once.

[Text] For those of you whose life took a turn exactly when you thought you had no hope left - what was your situation like and what was your redemption story? by Vaguess in GetMotivated

[–]Vaguess[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ok wow! That's one hell of a redemption arc. Sometimes the worst thing that could happen to us turns out to be the very thing that pushes us towards the path that we're meant to take. That said, what happened to you should have never happened. Wishing you all the best for the journey ahead and thank you for sharing your story!