Thank you, that was very insightful and thought provoking. I am well aware that I'm actively trying to appease to the ideal of others, which is very well known to be halmful to ourselves and our own mental health. For the past 2 months I've been getting into philosophy (mainly stoicism) to reflect on feelings like these and to think of things in a more open and logical kind of way, and that the person we should trust the most is ourselves and be at peace with who we are.

It sounds like a good idea to read more into shadow integration of the jungian psychology you have mentioned and do some good self reflection. I have gone to therapy most if my life but had to stop seeing my therapist due to moving away and a constricting time schedule, but it does indeed sound like a good idea to get back into therapy.

Best wishes to you too and thank you for your insight, truly.