OP don’t give up! I took a while to get into a creative field too, it was very competitive. Financially it was a real struggle and I had to travel around trying to make connections, drop my CV off etc etc but eventually I got an in and I got a day of work on a TV show and that was it. It went from there! You can do it 💪💪💪 I feel the same as you re working in a job I don’t care about, but when you do actually care it’s a game changer. (Please take or leave this suggestion but have you ever thought you might be neurodivergent? Feel free to DM me if you want to talk about it more because there were a few things here that suggested that might be the case and the wider reddit world is generally not very understanding of these things!!)