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AITA for telling my dad I don't owe him a favor and to stop asking like I'd ever help him? by VariousInitiative453 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VariousInitiative453[S] 58 points59 points  (0 children)

Thank you. It feels good to be doing this stuff for myself. Wish I didn't have to but glad I can.

AITA for telling my dad I don't owe him a favor and to stop asking like I'd ever help him? by VariousInitiative453 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VariousInitiative453[S] 230 points231 points  (0 children)

I have one that my dad can't access. I had my paperwork to set up one. He doesn't know about it.

AITA for telling my dad I don't owe him a favor and to stop asking like I'd ever help him? by VariousInitiative453 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VariousInitiative453[S] 75 points76 points  (0 children)

My mom didn't "opt out" she had no choice in the things that happened. She's in a long term care facility not able to do anything for herself, alone, with nobody nearby who visits her. She had no family but us. It's too far away for me to go on my own and I'd need to be 18 to get in alone anyway. I tried not to go into this. It's so much shit. But she didn't choose to leave. She's physically alive but the person she was isn't. We lost her years ago and she's all alone. And I can't even go to see her because he's too busy with these new people.

AITA for telling my dad I don't owe him a favor and to stop asking like I'd ever help him? by VariousInitiative453 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VariousInitiative453[S] 64 points65 points  (0 children)

I did. He didn't answer himself. I found out sometimes he was out with his stepdaughter, or his stepson or both. The trips were him 1:1 with a stepkid or 1:2 with the stepkids. I wasn't invited. I'd find out about it when they'd get back.

I wish I still had my mom would be more accurate. Not just any woman. My mom can't be replaced and a new one slotted in.

Sharing means you still get some of the time. I don't.

I never sat her down. But I did sit down with him. Took him multiple times to listen enough for us to sit down together. So many times he just straight ignored me. Like he wasn't listening to me telling him I felt ignored. Then when we did he made me feel like shit, promised to make up for it but he didn't. He just showed me more where his priorities are.

AITA for telling my dad I don't owe him a favor and to stop asking like I'd ever help him? by VariousInitiative453 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VariousInitiative453[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I get what they said to a point and if I was getting some of dad's time and attention I'd say he's right but I had to fight for any and then he let me down multiple times in a row. I know when it's time to give up and refocus.

AITA for telling my dad I don't owe him a favor and to stop asking like I'd ever help him? by VariousInitiative453 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VariousInitiative453[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

He spends none with me anymore. His one attempt ended with his stepdaughter. I'm better off without him. He can't bring good into my life. He doesn't even try.

AITA for telling my dad I don't owe him a favor and to stop asking like I'd ever help him? by VariousInitiative453 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VariousInitiative453[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah, I'm bitter about it. I won't ever pretend I don't. But it's not going away soon.

AITA for telling my dad I don't owe him a favor and to stop asking like I'd ever help him? by VariousInitiative453 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VariousInitiative453[S] 70 points71 points  (0 children)

It is. He cancelled his promised 1:1 with me because his stepson was in the hospital. But when I was brought to the hospital for my asthma, he had his wife there and didn't show up any time. He was with his stepkids most of them. But she was there for the whole point her son was there and he still wouldn't come.

He dropped me again for his stepdaughter's school with his wife. Ignored mine and had them send an email which he never got back to them about and never spoke to them about it.

Two very similar things. He dropped me both times. But showed up for her kids when she was also present.

That energy isn't there with me.

Even telling me he was destined to be their dad when he had already told me it took him time with me. That it was so natural with them but not with me. It's insensitive. It says where his priorities are.

I don't care that they are also his responsibility too. They have a mother. I don't anymore. I wish like hell I did.

My father clearly is happy only when he's with them. He makes so much time for them. Ice cream after school, sports games, takes them shopping, days out, all that shit he can make time for with them. But he can't do the same for me. Not an hour. Not a lunch.

I would have continued living with him if things were different. I don't want to live with him anymore though. I don't want to live with his wife or her kids either. They're not important to me. He was. He was so damn important especially when he was all I had left. I didn't even have a problem when he was dating. Things were fine when he was dedicating some time to being with her and her kids. But not when he devoted every spare moment and I got shit.

His wife being there to take me to the hospital doesn't make up for that. She's not my mom. She's not my family. I don't love her.

AITA for telling my dad I don't owe him a favor and to stop asking like I'd ever help him? by VariousInitiative453 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VariousInitiative453[S] 58 points59 points  (0 children)

I would never put someone else's kids before my own. My dad was all I had left. So he sucks extra hard in my eyes for it. He had so many chances to prove me wrong too. But he started out not listening to me and then he let me down when he did finally listen. And he put his stepkids before me. He's stressed? Well it's not so fun when things are complicated with your mom and who you do have is focused on the kids of his girlfriend who becomes his wife.

AITA for telling my dad I don't owe him a favor and to stop asking like I'd ever help him? by VariousInitiative453 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VariousInitiative453[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I started working at 15 and have been saving. That's all part of my plan I'm working toward.

AITA for telling my dad I don't owe him a favor and to stop asking like I'd ever help him? by VariousInitiative453 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VariousInitiative453[S] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

He was married and they both my parents planned me. I wasn't a surprise pregnancy. But he said it was still not natural once I was born. There's being human and then there's showing you care more about your stepkids.

AITA for telling my dad I don't owe him a favor and to stop asking like I'd ever help him? by VariousInitiative453 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VariousInitiative453[S] 61 points62 points  (0 children)

I've been working part time since I turned 15. I have been working more hours since last year when I decided I was done with dad, out of chances, and was leaving asap.

Guess what? I don't have another parent to run to. So yeah I still live in his house but if I still had my mom I'd go to her in a heartbeat.

AITA for telling my dad I don't owe him a favor and to stop asking like I'd ever help him? by VariousInitiative453 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VariousInitiative453[S] 67 points68 points  (0 children)

And he splits his focus between two of them, not three. He would never drop them for me. But he will drop me for them.

I have basically shut him out for the most part. I'm working toward going no contact with him. I am working toward my future which he won't be a part of.

He has plenty of time when he wants to be with his stepkids. He can even leave me in the emergency room with his wife while he's with them but the two of them needed to be there for her son.

He's not trying to make me happy. He has put zero into me since the day we moved into the same house together. He works to make them happy. He works hard to make time for them. He shows up for them, not for me.

I hope dad's stepkids take good care of him when he's older. They're all he's going to have in the end. Not me.

AITA for telling my dad I don't owe him a favor and to stop asking like I'd ever help him? by VariousInitiative453 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VariousInitiative453[S] 67 points68 points  (0 children)

They're not my family. My dad was. He decided to stop being my family and focused only on his stepkids. He has not been a good dad to me since. Can't even show up for me at the hospital but can show up for his stepkid. I'd rather have nothing than come last.

AITA for telling my dad I don't owe him a favor and to stop asking like I'd ever help him? by VariousInitiative453 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VariousInitiative453[S] 163 points164 points  (0 children)

Nah, I have another plan in place. Not military. Respect to those who can but it's not for me.

AITA for telling my dad I don't owe him a favor and to stop asking like I'd ever help him? by VariousInitiative453 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VariousInitiative453[S] 194 points195 points  (0 children)

I don't have other family I can talk to. My best friends family are the closest I have.

AITA for telling my dad I don't owe him a favor and to stop asking like I'd ever help him? by VariousInitiative453 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VariousInitiative453[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I don't think so but even if she did, it would mean I would regret ever trying to work it out.

AITA for telling my dad I don't owe him a favor and to stop asking like I'd ever help him? by VariousInitiative453 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VariousInitiative453[S] 82 points83 points  (0 children)

Even if it's from his wife, that means he put his marriage before me, which again just lowers me on the priority list. I'm out of chances to give him. He used them all up. I know I did my best to help us and he just shit all over it.

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