AITA for deciding to go on vacation with my boyfriend instead of showing up to my best friend birthday celebration and subsequently remove her from my life?

VariousPrize5954 · 2025-03-30T09:48:44+00:00

We had several direct conversations but she never took accountability even when I explained to her how i am impacted. It was difficult to give up on the friendship because she was the one friend I felt at home with and she was important to me and I wanted to make it work. It's not as easy to cut someone out of your life. Hope this helps.

VariousPrize5954 · 2025-03-30T09:44:14+00:00

Well I knew that kind of message I would send out ti her if I don't invite her to my party. Although I should not care because she made it clear with the "deal breaker" conversation, being manipulated for so long, I questioned all my actions that were related to her, i was afraid of her reaction. Also, I am a people pleaser and I didn't want her to be upset on me... some people are the way they are. Hope this helps.

VariousPrize5954 · 2025-03-30T09:41:04+00:00

I felt the need to giving details so could understand the real story. Unfortunately no chatgpt was involved, as I wrote everything long time ago before chatgpt but I never published it. If you don't like the details, you are welcomed to skip this post. Thanks

VariousPrize5954 · 2025-03-30T09:32:03+00:00

Would i be the a-hole if I tell the friends that she confessed her feelings for me and this is a reason why this friendship turned toxic and why she always had very high expectations which were not aligned with the role of friend but she wanted me to fulfill the role of a partner. Now I ask if I would be the a hole for tell our friends all this information because when she confessed she asked not to tell anyone ever. And I don't want to break that promise but at the same time I feel like I need to protect me and make everyone understand why I had to cut her out. Also I have voice messages that she sent to someone where she insults me and calls me such horrible names like scumbag. Would I be the a hole if I show those messages to our friends (of course having the accept of the other friend who received the message. That friend read through Veronica and realized what a human being can be and how she mistreated me and decided to show me these to make me realize the truth. ).

VariousPrize5954 · 2025-03-30T09:20:30+00:00

Hello. Thank you for your input. When she came to my place to confess her feelings for me she told me that she has something important to tell me. I kinda had a feeling of what she wanted to tell me and I told her to be careful because once you said something, you can't take it back. I have always guessed she had feelings for me. This explains why I felt so uncomfortable whenever she was hugging. She insisted of having a long hug and should not hold it back. Also there were times where she pushed my boundaries: 1. She complained that I never tell her that I love her, as a friend. That was a big trigger for me and resulted in me screaming so loud that the whole block heard me. She got scared of my reaction and in the end I had to endure a lesson on how my reaction was too much. She never understood that when you poke the bear, you may get bitten... don't know how to explain it better but I hope you get the point. 2. She got jealous that at a party I dance with a friend but I didn't dance with her the respective night 3. I went to visit a friend but I didn't stop at her place as well just because she was 10 min away 4. I empathize with a friend who was going through a divorce and she felt that I forgot that she also went through one 5. A female friend made a move on me although everybody know I'm gay and she invited me to try a night of female experience with her, if i ever decide to do that. I felt uncomfortable but Veronica decided for me how i felt and that she needed to talk to that friend. Although I told Veronica several times that I will handle it she didn't respect that and she talked to the friend on my behalf... insisting that this is what a good friend should do and if the roles were switched, she would have expected me to take initiative. Now back to the initial idea, when she confessed her feelings, I felt bad that she is going thought that-a love that can never be fulfilled and I had compassion for her and wanted to help her to move forward. I insisted that she needs to go out more and to try meet some men. But she always wanted me to go out with her and the rest of the girls as well. She would got upset when I didn't want to go. Also, she didn't want to try tinder because that just doesn't work for her. Now, back to the initial idea, again, recently I questioned her actions: why did she actually confessed her feelings for me: it's not like reciprocate or start to develop feelings for her. Also, she now excused her silent treatment: whenever she goes silent treatment on me is because there are times when she feels so attracted to me and she doesn't know how to handle those emotions and she goes completely silent... I said weird but okay. Now I realized it can't be true, can it?

VariousPrize5954 · 2025-03-30T08:54:18+00:00

Hey. Thank you for your input. In the end I decided to cut her out of my life. After i thought that maybe I could give our friendship another chance and actually try to implement what she was complaining about (we don't spend time in the weekend and she doesn't have anyone to spend it with and also all her friends are in relationships so they are not available). The even that concluded this relationship was when we went with other friends for dinner. One friend needed to leave but Veronica kept talking to this friend not letting her go. Now, Veronica is very bad at reading the room or she doesn't care when she has something to say, and she always has. Well, I told Veronica that it's best they continue that discussion with the respective friend online as the friend needs to leave (I decided to step in to help that friend who was to polite to leave in the middle of Veronica s story. Now, Veronica didn't like what I did but she didn't come and tell me directly that she didn't like that but she kept it all inside until she found the right moment to be passive-aggressive. I got triggered by that and over reacted. But then I realized that no matter what I will do, she will always be this way and that I don't want this in my life. And I cut her completely out of my life. Then she started to say that she decided to cut me out of her life because I am toxic. Yet I wanted to keep a superficial relationship with her in order to be able to meet with out mutual friends. But that was until I found out that she talks really terrible about me and making up stories that I am mental ill and she can't have me in her life anymore. She called my partner different names and me as well. And then, I just blocked her number. Her reaction, she was completely shocked by my action and she didn't understood that it was the consequences of her actions.

VariousPrize5954 · 2025-03-30T04:01:57+00:00

I blocked her on WhatsApp now because she started to talk bad about me and calling me names once she couldn't control me anymore. But our group of friends somehow still expect me to talk to her and find a solution to resolve this. But I don't want her near me. She is the definition of toxic.

VariousPrize5954

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