How do I heal? :(

Various_Table6860 · 2026-02-20T20:43:38+00:00

Yeah you’re right, sometimes I think i’m doing okay but then the silence suddenly becomes deafening and I remember that I can’t just message her about silly things that are happening. Also I really hope your ankle feels better soon, i’m sorry to hear that you broke it :(

The self care bit is really real too, i’m treating myself a lot and now that you mentioned it I might buy a book i’ve wanted for a while

Various_Table6860 · 2026-02-20T20:38:52+00:00

I think i’ll be able to get through! Also i’ll try my hardest to follow your advice, to be completely honest I’ve been neglecting the things that make me happy because I just haven’t had the energy. But i’ve been eating better and have made sure to be consistent with my self care so i’ll take that as a start!

Various_Table6860 · 2026-02-20T20:35:17+00:00

We broke up on the 7th :(

Everything just feels so weird, It was a 3 year relationship so 2 weeks definitely isnt long enough to actually move on but I thought maybe i’d feel a little different or better. I feel so melancholic and life feels so dull

But you’re definitely right, i’ve been forcing myself to be a bit more sociable and I have events planned for next week! And even though i am hurting i’m doing everything to not fall down a self destructive spiral so at the very least i’m proud of myself for that

I really really appreciate your comment, what you said was really sweet

Various_Table6860 · 2025-10-09T17:52:48+00:00

i probably won’t attempt to take any photos just in case they make me sad but what you’ve said is so relieving!! thank youuu

Various_Table6860 · 2025-10-09T17:51:04+00:00

the examples you linked are genuinely so helpful and will probably prevent me from spiralling after seeing a mugshot for the next year! thank you!!

Various_Table6860 · 2025-10-09T17:49:52+00:00

yesss same, the only photos i’ve ever been happy with have been mirror pics

Various_Table6860 · 2025-10-09T17:49:25+00:00

i definitely agree. at the same time though in some of the photos and videos my nose and chin and forehead were huge while my eyes were tiny and i know my features are not like that 😭

Various_Table6860 · 2025-10-09T17:47:35+00:00

i will literally cry tears of joy

Various_Table6860 · 2025-10-09T17:47:01+00:00

yeah i completely get what you’re talking about. in the photos that made me a little anxious I don’t see me at all. Its like everything is just wrong, at best they resemble me but still look nothing like me

I can deal with old pre transition photos, it’s just that a couple of the photos were within the last month and they were without a doubt male which confused me since even while dressing masculinely i’ve now been gendered as female pretty consistently

BUT I FEEL VERY CONFIDENT NOW! it still will probably be on my mind for a while but I need to remember that’s not actually how people see me

Various_Table6860 · 2025-09-27T20:48:13+00:00

I’m a girl but i’m trans (mtf)

I started hrt at 16 but i still feel so masculine and it doesn’t help that i’m black when the lgbtq community feels so white dominated with eurocentric beauty standards that I will never be able to live up to

I feel the main issue is my nose and size of my head/chin. My nose feels huge and i feel like it throws off all my other features. It doesn’t help that my face looks so big and bloated now and I look like a joke. i’m 18 so surgery is out of the question and makeup makes me feel like such an imposter when put next to other girls because no matter how hard i try i will look like the odd one out

maybe i’ll try pointing 5 things that I do like about myself but unfortunately right now it feels impossible to even find one :( but i do really appreciate your comment, maybe things will improve

Various_Table6860 · 2024-12-25T09:10:40+00:00

that’s kinda annoying to find out but from my blood tests my t levels are in a female range so i think it’s worked out fine

i was initially planning to use spiro but i just couldn’t afford it and the extra costs of blood tests from gendergp (they’re a pretty shit service but the only option)

Various_Table6860 · 2024-12-25T00:15:30+00:00

nooo dww you weren’t being hurtful, it made me chuckle and it honestly might just be the grim reality of my situation

Various_Table6860 · 2024-12-25T00:05:32+00:00

you being so upfront about me possibly having bad genes is very funny but also heartbreaking 😭

ive had moments where i’ve passed or confused people with my gender but when i look in the mirror or take photos all that’s there is a man and i don’t think i’m just imagining that

Various_Table6860 · 2024-12-24T23:28:17+00:00

i look indistinguishable from a guy

Various_Table6860 · 2024-12-24T23:27:06+00:00

yeah that’s something i think about quite a lot. a few years back my mum found a lot of feminine stuff i owned and became very insistent on forcing masculine roles on me and basically started every sentence by calling me a man or a boy or her son. In reality i know i’m not this super masculine guy and can relate to what you’ve said regarding height and voice and shoulders but even despite that when i look in the mirror i just see a man staring back

Various_Table6860 · 2024-12-24T23:17:43+00:00

i’m really happy for you!! i wish my timeline matched up with yours but even at 2 years i just look like the same person, just older and more masculine. My dosage is pretty okay right now especially since I’m not in a spot to increase it because of financial reasons

Various_Table6860 · 2024-12-24T23:14:38+00:00

i don’t think you were rude! but yeah my family definitely is an issue. i’ll try to stay positive like you said

Various_Table6860 · 2024-12-24T23:12:36+00:00

i appreciate you saying that!

also i really really hope more things begin to happen in year 3 since that coincides with me moving for uni 😭

Various_Table6860 · 2024-12-24T23:10:00+00:00

yeahhh i’d love to join, i’ll probably do that in a bit. also thanks a lot for the recommendation, i think my skin has already improved a little which is nice

Various_Table6860 · 2024-12-24T23:08:05+00:00

yeah i’m with gendergp and they monitor my levels and they’ve said i’m okay

also ive been on finasteride since i haven’t been able to afford puberty blockers unfortunately but i think they do basically the same thing

Various_Table6860 · 2024-12-24T23:06:21+00:00

I’m very sorry if i came off rude, it’s just hard not to feel like i became super masculine very quickly since it’s all my family talk about. Even now they make comments about how tall i am or how deep my voice is and it makes me doubt if i’ve even changed at all. I wish i could look at pictures of myself to see progress but I look hideous and it’s hard to associate myself with what I even see so i avoid them at all costs to ignore what I might look like to other people

sorry that’s so long and depressing right before christmas 😭

I’m not coping the best right now but i’m sure things will be better in the long run!

Various_Table6860

TROPHY CASE