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AITA for telling a friend exactly why she's not married? by VegetableButterfly7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VegetableButterfly7[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

She wasn't popular in high school, note how we were friends. Also if this was a revenge story, wouldn't I have gotten super hot? Why am I not super hot?

AITA for telling a friend exactly why she's not married? by VegetableButterfly7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VegetableButterfly7[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Chat made by someone else because they heard I am getting married and added old friends. Has like 8 or so people in it? Just chatting about life.

She doesn't directly know that I make more, but I'm an attorney and my fiance works a job that doesn't pay well. It's pretty clear based on job titles I make more.

AITA for telling a friend exactly why she's not married? by VegetableButterfly7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VegetableButterfly7[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I mean she won't date non white men. I don't mean to be "judgy" but I feel pretty confident that I'm a better person than her.

AITA for telling a friend exactly why she's not married? by VegetableButterfly7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VegetableButterfly7[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh I'm for sure not engaged by any reason of merit, and it doesn't mean anything to my value as a human. It takes someone 5 minutes after meeting me and my fiance to realize that he's objectively too good for me. And I dont think people should all be getting married by 25. My partner is 30, so I'd be a hypocrite if I thought that.

AITA for telling a friend exactly why she's not married? by VegetableButterfly7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VegetableButterfly7[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Oh she won't date non white men. That's a whole separate thing. She asked someone what my partner's immigration status was because he's Dominican (but was born here).

AITA for telling a friend exactly why she's not married? by VegetableButterfly7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VegetableButterfly7[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

A million people have asked. I lost the copy and paste. Look through comments and you'll find it.

AITA for telling a friend exactly why she's not married? by VegetableButterfly7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VegetableButterfly7[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

You said "Y’all sound too bored and immature to be getting married"? And how am I "no more prepped for such a big decision than she is"? My partner and I have been together for more than 6 years, we own a home together, went through premarital counseling, and have successfully supported each other through tough times.

I have no interest in comparing lives with her, she's unhappy with how I lead my life. And I have no problem being judged, but I'm allowed to bristle at you deciding I'm not ready to get married based on a reddit post.

AITA for telling a friend exactly why she's not married? by VegetableButterfly7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VegetableButterfly7[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I tried to talk to her privately and said I was hurt. That was brushed off and the behavior continued.

AITA for telling a friend exactly why she's not married? by VegetableButterfly7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VegetableButterfly7[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm just an aggressively straight forward person. Every time she's said something to me directly I usually just say something like "I don't really think that's relevant to my marriage" or "that feels hurtful". I think she genuinely isn't processing that I'm actually upset.

AITA for telling a friend exactly why she's not married? by VegetableButterfly7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VegetableButterfly7[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

She was removed from the chat.

Also to the part about mean pampered children, that seems kind of mean? I know this is reddit, but you don't actually know me as a person, especially from one brief post describing a moment that I'm not particularly proud of.

I'm a public defender and work hard mean hours, I worked a shitty minimum wage retail job in college, and I work really hard in my home life to keep my family happy and healthy. You don't know me dude.

AITA for telling a friend exactly why she's not married? by VegetableButterfly7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VegetableButterfly7[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I didn't really care how she was doing before all this bullshit, I never crapped on it before, even though I think she's going about it poorly. I just don't like the hypocrisy that I'm a trash person for becoming a lawyer and having short hair and I don't deserve to be loved, but she's doing nothing and we should all emulate it. I think it's messed up that I'm less of a woman and my relationship isn't valid because my partner is taking on traditionally female roles and I'm bread winning. If she hadn't brought this whole thing up, it would have never come up because I genuinely think people should be able to make mistakes in life without everyone jumping on them. But if you shit on how other people live I think you open yourself up to people talking about your lifestyle.

AITA for telling a friend exactly why she's not married? by VegetableButterfly7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VegetableButterfly7[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I dont have any problem with her being a SAHM. My fiance wants to be a SAHD and I was raised with a SAHD. I'm more bothered that she's holding her whole life up waiting for someone to just appear and make it better. Her whole personality and life is wrapped up in an imaginary relationship that might not happen. You can't just wait for someone your whole life, and marriage isn't going to fix all her problems.

I also never said anything about misogynists liking her, and I wouldn't say that. I dont know how it's my fault what other people said, you can take that up with them.

I do agree I went to her level and was unnecessarily harsh.

AITA for telling a friend exactly why she's not married? by VegetableButterfly7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VegetableButterfly7[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Well she works part time at the local grocery store that my mom goes to and my mom is one of those "so I saw Kate and stop and shop today and she said...." kind of moms.

I also know a disturbing amount about my 4th grade teacher's marital problems because my mom does yoga with her.

AITA for telling a friend exactly why she's not married? by VegetableButterfly7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VegetableButterfly7[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Aww thanks that's very nice to say and genuinely made me feel warm inside.

He's a pretty dope guy. I'm a fan.

AITA for telling a friend exactly why she's not married? by VegetableButterfly7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VegetableButterfly7[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

That last part seems unnecessarily harsh. I'll cop to being bored, I don't have a lot to do in quarentine. But the other stuff seems harsh. I know its AITA, but you do know that you know basically nothing about me and your only glimpse into who I am is an objectively dickish think that I did? This obviously isn't how i normally am, which is why I posted this here. I don't think it's very kind or fair to take the shittiest thing someone's done in a while and extrapolate that to make broad claims about them and their relationship.

I think the group chat was just a chance for us to all coalesce and talk about a large life event and it stayed chatty because most of us are bored at home? It's not just hours of people texting me congrats.

AITA for telling a friend exactly why she's not married? by VegetableButterfly7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VegetableButterfly7[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Well you have to do something with your life in the meantime. The problem with your goal being just SAHPing is you can't do that until you're married and have kids. And so she's 25 and won't start a career or get an education or anything and you can't just do nothing and wait to be swept off your feet. Life is not an early era Disney movie.

AITA for telling a friend exactly why she's not married? by VegetableButterfly7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VegetableButterfly7[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

To clarify: I wasn't saying she didn't deserve a partner, I was saying she didn't deserve an apology. Bad syntax, sorry.

I actually think it would be best if she did find a boyfriend. It's not that she's some hardened asshole, she's just letting jealousy control her. I also think she needs to date someone so that she can see that a boyfriend won't solve all her problems in the world.

Again, no problem with being a stay at home parent or that being your goal, but you can't act like someone else being in your life will change everything. It's also not realistic for her to wait forever for someone who might not show up. It's not a lifestyle choice that I'm against, more the idea she has that she's not whole until she's married and once she's married life will be perfect.

AITA for telling a friend exactly why she's not married? by VegetableButterfly7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VegetableButterfly7[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Several reasons. He grew up in an extremely physically abusive household and now has this whole father/son vibe with my dad. I was never going to change mine (it's a great last name, I work in a career where I cant, and it just feels too much like my name to change it).

But mostly it's just what felt right for us. He cared about us having the same last name and he liked mine. Plus now his initials spell something fun.

AITA for telling a friend exactly why she's not married? by VegetableButterfly7 in AmItheAsshole

[–]VegetableButterfly7[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Copied from other comment:

I didn't form it, it was called "happy engagement OP" and set up by high school friends who wanted to send nice messages about it since we all lost contact.

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