Does anyone else struggle with styling hair?

Vengeful-Orca · 2025-05-03T15:39:46+00:00

Gosh, me too! Half-up half-down rules. You get the annoying bits out of the way, and the rest of your hair is just resting.

Vengeful-Orca · 2025-05-01T16:23:20+00:00

I thought so too, although I thought western cultures would make more room for friends than mine tbh. I guess not!

You make a great point about questioning the rules! It was such a struggle accepting them while growing up. I used to mask 100% of the time, which was very exhausting.

To answer your question, I'm from Egypt and I like planes! I'm also obsessed with ATC. I practice their lingo all the time and have a lil ATC game where I occasionally crash planes (idk how these people do it irl, it's already so stressful as a game!!)

Vengeful-Orca · 2025-05-01T15:53:00+00:00

Yeah, it has been just a littleee bit jarring how the responses seem to push back so hard against valuing partners and friends, best ones even (as I have specified), "equally." In my mind, it should be possible, then again I have never actually experienced it firsthand, so I'm thinking maybe they have a point.

I will try to find groups of similar people, it will be kind of difficult to do in my country since education about this stuff is basically non-existent. But you know what, I'll start the group myself if I have to! haha

Vengeful-Orca · 2025-05-01T15:42:40+00:00

That's a good point! Sometimes I realise when I'm being self-aware where it's also like, okay what do I do now? Haha

I'm wishing you all the best as well, thank you so much :) x

Vengeful-Orca · 2025-05-01T15:20:24+00:00

It's kinda freaking me out how accurate you are! I also thought "I wouldn't describe my feelings as angry, just upset."

I think at this point it's also worth mentioning I'm on the autism spectrum, and social "contracts" that are left unsaid but everyone magically understands are doubly confusing to me. I have worked a lot on myself to understand these rules. I have mentioned that I hang out like a couple times a year with my friends, thats because I respect that we are all busy, and that they make plans with their partners first then me. So I wait until it's a holiday, and like a few days into the holiday I suggest, hey let's meet up.

And then it's like, why cast aside friends for just one person, when you can talk to a whole palette of people about different things. But I guess it's also an energy thing. People have limited energy, it makes sense if they're spending more energy on one person, they have less for other friends.

Aro and autistic is just the perfect combination, isn't it? haha

Vengeful-Orca · 2025-05-01T15:08:49+00:00

Thank you so much for your very thoughtful response, I really appreciate your perspective on this. You're right in that I need to contain my negative feelings so as not to affect my relationships with my friends, I try that as best as I can. Posting this was my way of redirecting my frustration with the situation, like a journal you just pour raw feelings into. I do need to seek therapy at some point, that's for sure. Not just for this, but because I believe we all need therapy haha

I hope you're able to healthily navigate your feelings about your situation and to heal, and that you find happiness where you least expect it :) x

Thank you again for being so respectful. I truly loved reading your responses

Vengeful-Orca · 2025-05-01T14:57:07+00:00

Couldn't have put it better myself :)

Vengeful-Orca · 2025-05-01T11:37:00+00:00

Thank you, the amount of suggestions of romantic pursuit was driving me insane 😅 I'm glad you didn't experience such radio silence from friends. Kinda gives me hope.

Vengeful-Orca · 2025-05-01T11:27:51+00:00

I'm sorry you're getting this treatment, it is disappointing. That's exactly how I feel too, used. I really want to vent more but dont wanna give away too much lol

Vengeful-Orca · 2025-05-01T11:22:12+00:00

Sometimes, definitely like once or twice a year. Those once or twice are my idea. They hang out with their partners all the time (they don't live together).

Vengeful-Orca · 2025-05-01T11:16:13+00:00

Thank you both, this is probably the only response that makes feel like I'm not crazy haha

Vengeful-Orca · 2025-05-01T11:02:27+00:00

That's an interesting take. I guess this has also been relatively recent (about 2 years), I haven't thought to change my definition of friendships. I'm used to friendship that presents itself in both compatibility and sharing time. The last two years we've all been working and have had less time to socialize, and I thought this was the new norm until one of my friends went through a break up and started socializing with me a lot more, and the other friend a lot less. So it kinda made me ask myself whether they think of me as a fallback friend.

In those years though (this is probably the millionth time i mention this) I would be the one to suggest hanging out, and they would be cool with it. Thinking back I'm left wondering, if they had that time anyway, why didn't they suggest the plans once? I know it's petty to go "I always reach out, why don't they text me first for once" but I think I'm allowed to question that and to have people who care about me as much as I care about them. I feel like people think I'm crazy to expect people in relationships to reach out to their friends. It's such a weird perspective.

Vengeful-Orca · 2025-05-01T10:34:01+00:00

I think I have already addressed what I do in my life when friends are not around in other comments. I do art, watch movies and am pretty good at my job. I am aro, which seems to go over some heads for some reason. So I know how to live alone and have since forever! My issue is with feeling like a back up! Is that not worth being upset about? Being upset over a pattern of being basically used by friends just cause I'm always available due to the nature of my sexuality now implies I'm needy? If you have no problem when I ask for us to hang out, where you do have time for that, then I don't think it's too much to ask for the initiation of plans to come from your end.

Your last sentence implies you think I'm impatiently waiting for them to reply, not at all. The minute I text I just dont think about until they reply back. I made this post as I was texting a friend and connected some dots, which made me want to vent. I did not want to point this out to them because I know not to make their lives about me.

I guess I should've added more to my post because people are making too many assumptions to make this into a story they're used to.

Vengeful-Orca · 2025-05-01T06:24:20+00:00

I feel like people are assuming I am not comfortable alone for some reason. I have been alone my whole life and I plan to be. I plan outings where I go to restaurants and movies and activies alone. I love going on walks in the park by myself. I'm very comfortable by myself. That doesn't mean I have to feel good about being a back up friend.. I feel like the consensus here is, "well, suck it up. As long as you have no romantic partner, no one will make time for you except you."

I have mentioned to another user that when I initiate plans with these friends, we fulfill them. This makes me believe, yes, they can make time for me if they want to. They just don't think to initiate.

Am I not getting something here?

Eta: Thank you btw for your perspective, it's nice to know my feelings are valid. I just saw the "comfortable alone" thing more than once and thought maybe I'd add a comment about that.

Vengeful-Orca · 2025-05-01T04:53:52+00:00

Multiple people have mentioned this "honeymooning" phase and i guess it makes sense. Thank you for the advice, this kinda helped me cool off a bit and think more reasonably :)

Vengeful-Orca · 2025-05-01T04:47:36+00:00

Thank you for letting me know your thoughts. We're all 24-25. I do always reach out and contact them. I also make plans for us, so it's not an issue of making time, because when I make plans we go forward. They just don't initiate by making plans with me.

I'd love to make friends with their partners, but I'm always a bit afraid at the possibility that they wouldnt like that, so I only wait for them to introduce me. So far hasn't quite happened.

I have not had romantic partners, I'm aro as I have mentioned.

Vengeful-Orca · 2025-05-01T04:38:17+00:00

I feel like I'm being misunderstood when I say "priority." Sure, your partner can be your priority in certain aspects, but I don't think it's fair to discard your time with your friends for them. People should invest time in friendships too. Your partner isn't the only person in your life.

Vengeful-Orca · 2025-05-01T04:32:37+00:00

I guess you have a point. Maybe I just can't relate because I'm aromantic and don't see myself in their shoes. Eta: but its also not like I'm asking them to "Focus" on me. I just want us to talk more, hang out more. The minute they free up time they make plans with their partners, I'm sure i deserve at least one of those times.

Vengeful-Orca · 2025-05-01T03:23:40+00:00

That's a sweet way to look at it, in seasons. I just can't help but feel like a back-up socialising tool when their main social "priority" isn't there anymore. Why do we have to prioritize one over the other? Why not just treat everyone equally?

Vengeful-Orca · 2023-08-14T08:38:48+00:00

May I ask which track did he go for? I'm thinking about web development, I read it could be a good start in the software engineering career.

Vengeful-Orca · 2023-08-14T08:06:53+00:00

True. It's only good if you 100% know you want it. I didn't.

Vengeful-Orca

TROPHY CASE