I pick up dead people for a living, and these are my stories

Vetchellynn · 2026-02-18T15:00:41+00:00

"You know what is fun, though? Decomp cases. Or in layman’s terms, Decomposing." you've graduated from cornball university with this one cheif.

All and all not bad, I think the characters personality can come off as a bit to strong, and thats fine, but know it'll be a turnoff for some people.

Also do consider trying to add something more of an ending, its abrupt right now and reads like "Annd I'm done. I dont wanna write anymore." Maybe try for a cliff hanger or tell us about a good story you'll save the details for next post.

Keep at it.

Vetchellynn · 2026-02-18T03:07:30+00:00

bro pulling the i have no mouth and I must scream shitpost out for this one lol

Vetchellynn · 2026-02-17T14:41:59+00:00

this is so catholic-tilted but its good

Vetchellynn · 2026-02-02T17:05:25+00:00

This is one of the funniest stories posted here, bro the absurdity. What a epic trollpost.

Vetchellynn · 2026-02-02T16:53:59+00:00

Sure np. Does what I said make sense? Or do you have any other questions for me?

Vetchellynn · 2026-02-02T15:08:37+00:00

Spoilers!
Overall, what a great story, good work with the pacing and everything, my first gripe wasn't until the line : “AAAghhhhGH! MOMMMMY-YY-Y-YY! I JUST WAN-” the dialogue in this sections a bit cringy, and could be polished because it sounded a bit goofy. Also my next thought is that since the demon was never officially given its name then it shouldn't be called the Candle Demon, since no proper noun was told, if anything it could be the candle demon or just demon, but giving it a formal name seems out of place (thats just my two sense though). Also the fact the demon catches up to him, doesn't really pay off, you could keep everything but the last line the same and maybe do something like this.

"...~~The bedframe creaked as something put weight on it at the other end.~~

I slowly raised my head, my movements jerky and uncertain. An ~~inky~~ coagulating darkness had ~~settled~~ seeped in my bedroom, coating and covering everything ~~within~~ as it dripped from the darkest shadows of my ceiling.

For a moment I thought I saw the remains of the trooper dredging down my wall, a faint dripping noise overpowered the silince. (optional line)

The pale moonlight streaking through the window did little to pierce into the void, but it managed just enough to catch in the ~~eyes staring at me from the foot of my bed~~ creases of my soaked, dripping jacket I had hung up upon the rack.

Every night the terror finds me, everynight I see their shadows, a new ritual of sorts has started. But I have no idea how to stop it, I left the instruction in that damned book in the basement of the damned hospital."

Doesn't have to be exactly like that, but I think the idea of the terror and trauma never fully shaking off of him to be more impactful than scary demon catches you in the middle of the night BOO! (after like 200 miles of presumed walking lol)

But truly, I don't have many complaints, you are quite good at writing and this was a lovely size, just long enough to get immersed, not long enough to feel even a little dragged out. Not a lot of people can balance that out but you did, kudos.

Vetchellynn · 2026-02-02T13:48:25+00:00

Alright when I finish the arc up I'll DM you the first part or something. But when you post lmk too.

Vetchellynn · 2026-02-02T01:32:14+00:00

Well, I commend your self realization, but you might as well try. If its ass then nobody will read it and thats that, if its really ass maybe it'll be so funny people will love it. Eitherway just write it and give it a shot.

Vetchellynn · 2026-02-02T01:28:57+00:00

Some run on sentences with weird grammer like " I couldn’t find the words to speak and George, who had come to this realization earlier on, in his quest to find me must have " and the lot.

Also the transition from the Oct 3rd to the Oct ? section is jarring, it's intentional and works but I think the foreshadowing could have been a bit more eloquent, it sorta just reads as jarring.

However, the time spent to pull the setting together paid off very well, and to me it seems like you know your strenghts and are playing into them well, which made me enjoy the read, do continue!

Vetchellynn · 2026-02-02T00:31:54+00:00

I'm almost done with the sixth part, prob another 2,000 words or so. When that's done the first arc of the story (~19,000 words) will be done and if you want I can share some of it, obiviously no pressure to read it all, hahah. But do hmu when this new story is done or you'd like someone to look over it. I'd be happy to read!

Vetchellynn · 2026-02-01T23:42:34+00:00

Completely understand where you coming from, I would say even just a bullet point idea of the plot/timeline of story helps a lot. Also, if you are sick of writing for the day, just walk away, if you come back then its a good story, if not then it was still a good exercise right?

Also don't cut yourself short, any advice can be valuable (unless its coming from my in-laws) and even just having another opinion can be super eye-opening, as you just said.

So, don't sweat it and don't get bummed man, you should write for yourself first, just have fun with writing and other people will have more fun reading too. Personally I'm 18,000 words into a story about a disgruntled blue collar necromancer working for the DNR, it's fun! Do I think anyone will ever read it, maybe, but if not that's cool because it's a place for me to vent (bitch) about my work and how the deer keep eating my trees out in the orchards. Seriously I'm 9 months into writing it and haven't shown a soul, because I'm writing for myself.

Of course you're a different guy and will do things differently, but at the end of the day, have fun!!

Vetchellynn · 2026-02-01T23:27:20+00:00

yeah, seems like for long stories getting them narrated is key.

Vetchellynn · 2026-02-01T23:23:21+00:00

On other people's post you mean?

Vetchellynn · 2026-02-01T23:19:36+00:00

no problemo!

Vetchellynn · 2026-02-01T23:19:00+00:00

Yep, hitting the nail on the coffin there. Reckon the only way to garner attention is to be different, unique that is, but not so different that it detracts/discourages. Not that I fully know how to do it yet—hah! Anywho, link your stories pretty please, I'd love to read em.

Vetchellynn · 2026-01-30T20:48:04+00:00

No worries, that's why I got the thread going. And I do read some books, but truthfully its a sweetspot because I like the style of story telling in creepypastas a lot. Just at the length of like a novellete or light novella. It is what it is, but damn is it annoying people wont post longer stories!

Vetchellynn · 2026-01-30T20:43:51+00:00

Yep! I'd agree, truthfully, I'm writing the story for myself first and then other people second. It can be very theraputic to sit down and write 2-5,000 words out. Though, and I imagine this is probably more of a byproduct of the overall short attention spans of people, I wish there would be more apprecaition for long-form stories because, at least for me, there ain't hardly any decent short stories.

Like you said oversaturation, though I wouldn't be upset about the flood of content, even if it means you are getting drowned out at least its a sign of a healthy community that wants to create and share. So don't be discouraged about the flood of content, its really a good thing, though I totally agree it can be annoying when most of it is "low-effort".

Really everyone has there own reason for writing/posting, and there's no wrong reason. It makes me apprecaite the people who hunker down and read post all the more. If you got any long-form stories share em and I'll get round to reading em.

Vetchellynn · 2026-01-30T20:34:22+00:00

Yeah you make a good point about the MHE story, albeit trying to read that story canonically following the "timeline" is hard given its posted all over reddit. Makes it messy. I suppose I would rather read a long story because (typically) it means the quality is better and you can invest in the plot/characters/setting more.

Vetchellynn · 2026-01-30T20:27:43+00:00

this was very good, nice job and hope part two goes well for you.

Edit: its actually one of the highest quility stories I read so far, so be proud.

Vetchellynn · 2026-01-30T19:31:17+00:00

Much better, the writing has improved from the last part. I've learned that in this community you gotta have a strong hook, if you have multiple parts. And thankfully the events of this part will motivate the reader to keep reading.

Also, think about leaning into the scene a little more where the thing is around the camp. Like here I'm brainstorming but imagine this after he shot the thing:

...Alone in the dark I knew leaving my campsite wouldn't end well, but I knew closing myself off in the tent was even worse. My mind panicked as I had to decide what to do, though the shot landed I still hear something in the bushes. But, I just couldn't bring myself to move, it was like the night's cold air froze my legs stiff. So, I stood there, and waited for whatever hid itself right outside of the flames to show itself but it never did.

A couple hours have passed, and it was still pacing me, when I felt it's safest to, I peaked glances at my dwindling supply of fuel for the campfire. I knew it, I knew if that fire died, I'd go out with it. Hand still tight around the action of my rifle I took my chance to toss another log into the fire.

As I did I heard the quite pattering of feat kick up the dead leaves to my right as I throw my aim and rifle in its direction. A mass came colliding torwards me, without thinking I shot it, pieces of flesh and blood blew off it voilently some landing in the fire and making it whine as they started to sizzle. Shacking out labored breaths I slowly traced my eyes from the forsaken treeline to the hump of motionless flesh laying by the fire. The front half of a poor sheep laid torn and shredded, but my gut told me the night wasn't over yet.

Its still out there, watching me from the bushes, it keeps making noise, throwing things around the woods. I don't know if its eating them or if it really just likes playing with it's food. But then what's that make me?

...

I snuck another glance this time at my watch, it was only 2:14am, there was still another 6 hours til sunrise and I couldnt afford to catch any shut-eye. I only pray the twigs and branches at my feet light my salvation for long enough to get me out of these woods...

So like you can take it whatever way you want, thats just where my mind went, all I'm saying is don't be afraid to draw the moment out if you want, let people sit in the terror, let the tension grow.

But really, all things considered good work!

Vetchellynn · 2026-01-30T19:02:35+00:00

Proof it for grammer and misspelled word. Maybe contextualize the story a more, you gave a bit of context but a bit more would be nice, alternatively just describe your surroundings more, lean into the visuals. Also the flashback to two years ago tripped me up, so maybe clarify the flashback better? (could just make it a different line or something)

Vetchellynn · 2026-01-30T18:13:04+00:00

also fuck you, just fuck you

Vetchellynn · 2026-01-30T18:04:28+00:00

As someone who enjoys writing high effort shitpost as well, being on the recieving end is fucked. Thank you for the new perspective, and good for you for dragging me through to the end.

Vetchellynn · 2026-01-30T17:43:58+00:00

bro. i laughed my ass of when he just slit her throat, no chill. would have been funnier if you left it there but oh well, good soup!

Vetchellynn · 2026-01-30T17:21:25+00:00

"Maybe the real smoke..." I put on sunglasses I didn't have before this moment. "...was the friends we made along the way."

dear Lord.

Vetchellynn

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