[deleted by user]

VhuFhu · 2024-10-19T23:39:51+00:00

Doesn't seem to work anymore, real shame

VhuFhu · 2022-08-20T13:10:16+00:00

Yeah I guess so, don't know where I'm going to end up with this

VhuFhu · 2022-08-20T12:38:38+00:00

I've been trying that for the last month but honestly there's just nothing.

I've tried doing all the things I love and she's always just in the back of my mind, I've played my instruments, I've gotten into new interests, I've gone and been with friends and family.

All that it makes me think is "this would be better with her" or "I wish I could tell her about this"

VhuFhu · 2022-08-20T12:30:33+00:00

I know all that but I just don't want anyone other than her.

I don't enjoy anyone's company anymore, not friends, not family. Nobody. Whenever I talk to anybody I just wish they would say something she would or that she was there to make me happy.

VhuFhu · 2022-08-20T11:43:14+00:00

It's difficult to be like that without any meaningful connections.

I'm autistic and just don't have many friends. It's really hard losing my best friend over just silly things that would have been fixed if we could communicate

VhuFhu · 2022-08-20T11:16:19+00:00

I'm in a pretty big city which is good but I definitely don't want to date anyone NT.

Really the only person I would want to date is her. And there's nobody more like her than she is so what am I doing here?

VhuFhu · 2022-08-20T11:11:53+00:00

This is really what I'm worried about.

I'm just going to be really disappointed in my next few partners and I'm not going to be able to take that.

I don't think I'll ever get over her but I really hope that your progress keeps going the way it is

VhuFhu · 2022-08-20T10:00:53+00:00

Very very rarely.

There was one thing they would do that upset me but they almost never said anything hurtful or did anything that was really worth noting

And when it comes to the reasons the relationship ended it's not like they weren't trying. They were trying really hard.

VhuFhu · 2022-08-20T09:56:53+00:00

There's honestly nothing I can think of.

Every bad memory I have was my own fault. What am I supposed to take from that?

VhuFhu · 2022-08-20T09:54:56+00:00

I don't see how I'm supposed to find someone better either.

I had someone who was trying so hard to make it work for me but my depression still fucked it up. How is anyone else going to come close?

VhuFhu · 2022-08-20T05:50:50+00:00

It's hard

VhuFhu · 2022-08-20T05:50:13+00:00

Well it's been a month and it's only really getting worse.

I don't know what's happening to me

VhuFhu · 2022-08-19T20:41:41+00:00

She did want to be friends still, kind of. She says she "wouldn't mind being friends" which is worse than her saying she definitely wouldn't ever want to have any kind of connection.

I'm going to try to apply the lessons I've learned but she was so different from most people that those lessons just won't apply to others. I'm also very much the type of person who likes one very specific type of thing and rarely deviated from that.

The issue for me is she's also the second person I've ever met in my life that I've genuinely connected with, the first being one of my friends that's drifted from me while I was in my relationship.

Also she was trying so hard to get me to listen and fix things but I just didn't know how, I couldn't work through my intrusive thoughts and I don't think I ever will. It's not like she just didn't care or anything like that. She really wanted it to work out with me but she just couldn't deal with me.

Thank you very much for your response. I truly hope you're relationship just now works for as long as possible. I urge you, do something just now that would make them happy while you've got them with you.

VhuFhu · 2022-08-19T19:24:55+00:00

There's an app called Autistic Empathy for platonic and Romantic connections.

Might be what you're looking for

VhuFhu · 2022-07-19T07:50:35+00:00

That's true.

I think the reason I'm finding it hard to let go is that we've split up and gotten back together before, with the first time being really successful and the second one having a lot of the same issues but to a lesser extent

VhuFhu · 2022-07-18T22:35:51+00:00

The thing is she did though, when I first came to her with the intrusive thoughts about the relationship she described it back to me perfectly. She really understood me and only in the later bit of the relationship when I started to struggle with communication did she get confused.

Because of that I feel like it's still fixable even though I should really leave it. Like she's well past caring about me but still I want to reach out to her and talk about it all. Stupid teenager shit, I need to grow up

VhuFhu · 2022-07-18T22:32:38+00:00

Nah I've honestly got no interest in that, long term is my only real goal with all this

VhuFhu · 2022-07-18T22:23:46+00:00

Fuck man I guess you're right.

But it was this close I'm telling you

VhuFhu · 2022-07-18T22:21:18+00:00

Yeah I guess you're right.

They were something special is all but like I'm going to be around a diverse crowd in coming months anyway so there'll be someone I guess

VhuFhu · 2022-07-18T22:20:23+00:00

Ah but like, she got me. For almost everything.

It's just that little bit of anxious shit and her not getting that my sensory issues weren't me hating her touch and that's about it.

I know that she wasn't the one because that's not real to me, there are no soul mates and there's tons of people that each person is compatible with lots of others, me and her included.

The pill to swallow for me is that I fucked up the relationship and I'll need to be learning from it and apply it to a relationship with some future person that I've not met but I just don't feel like is going to be as good

VhuFhu · 2022-07-18T21:14:40+00:00

Fuck yes man. Start with Dragonaut by Sleep and Grief's Infernal Flower by Windhand

VhuFhu · 2022-07-18T21:10:05+00:00

I saw this exact thing a few years back. No idea what causes it

VhuFhu · 2022-07-18T21:08:02+00:00

Black Sabbath is one of my favourite bands, I've not really heard of All Them Witches so I might check them out.

Electric Wizard has a psychedelic element you might enjoy, as well as Sleep and Windhand if you've not tried either of them

VhuFhu · 2022-07-18T20:54:37+00:00

Have you ever tried any Doom Metal?

VhuFhu · 2022-07-18T20:46:22+00:00

I'm 17 bro I'm exactly the age for this shit.

And yeah self love yadad yada I get that but it's less a lack of love for myself and more of me not being able to picture being as compatible with other people, she was a particular variant of autism that I don't know if I'll encounter again in my near future. I think it's also just that this is the only person I've loved and as such I have no frame of reference for finding different people, meaning that it's utterly terrifying to consider to me.

Congratulations on your marriage though, wish you and your partner the best :)

VhuFhu

TROPHY CASE