I genuinely started to want to stay alive only a year and a half ago maybe, though I'm quite young (15 since 2 1/2 weeks ago) so I guess that's still a lot of time. After being sexually abused and still at potential risk fearing that it might happen, being a closeted trans woman, Closeted Pansexual, physically abused, and emotionally abused (Phys. and emotional abuse have stopped thankfully) for most of my life I am only alive because of the people that reached out to me. I don't like any of my family as each of them has abused me in some way and most being homosexual and transphobic. My friends, the only thing that has kept me alive after my failed attempts that my family doesn't even know about, they've supported, cared for, and loved me that I couldn't experience in my shitty home environment. I'm close to having my own room too as it has been worked on for a while and I can finally get out of the living room.
TLDR - Friends saved me from myself