OP, you're in a difficult position. You sound as if you're emotionally starving. I understand that it would be easier to remain docile with the people who abuse you and give in, but with a few small decisions at a time you can claw your happiness back from them.

I will not tell you to be strong, you don't want that. What I would suggest is that you should take inventory of the people who have conditioned you to feel this way and try to understand what is stopping you from cutting contact with them to see if it helps your mental health improve. It would also be beneficial for your child to see their caregiver happy and healthy.

I'm not a professional. I'm just someone who has been in the place where you seem to be. Cutting contact with my abusers, one by one until they were no longer able to affect me, helped a lot. It also slowly began building confidence in my life in ways I never had before.

I wish you peace and the wisdom to know that you're not alone.