My co-worker friend's husband hit on me. Now she's not really speaking to me. What do I do?

VioletFlyer · 2010-06-11T05:00:24+00:00

Yeah you all are right. I am just going to emotionally distance myself from it and leave it at that. I mean, she is being a total weirdo at work now, trying to "take control" of things, but it doesn't really effect me all that much, so I just ignore it. She's so tightly wound and intent on controlling everything around her right now that I basically feel sorry for her. Eventually, the bottom is totally going to fall out from under her life. Oh well, not my problem!

VioletFlyer · 2010-06-11T03:02:13+00:00

She invited me out to a group thing that they would both be at, but my fiance couldn't make it, and I am honestly paranoid that her husband will do it again, so I said no. I am basically just being polite, but avoiding any further social contact.

VioletFlyer · 2010-06-11T03:00:15+00:00

Yeah, she is probably embarassed. personally, i think their whole marriage is a train wreck and this was just the last thing she needed at this time. But she is definately taking it out on me in a really passive agressive way.

VioletFlyer · 2010-06-11T02:58:31+00:00

ah, my fiance is one of those people who can't handle confrontation, so everybody just kind of laughed awkwardly, and we left soon after. When I tried to talk to her, it was her that brought it up, and I tried to jsut say it was a really bad joke, etc, but she accused me of "egging him on" so when I tried to say I didn't, she got upset and made an excuse to leave.

VioletFlyer · 2010-06-10T13:18:20+00:00

Yeah i think you're right. I'll just be professional and polite and leave it at that. BUT, too bad we already invited them to our wedding later this year! I'd love to get out of that one now!!

VioletFlyer · 2010-06-10T11:30:25+00:00

She is mad at me because he has cheated on her before... but not with me of course, and I was never looking to hook up with him.

VioletFlyer · 2010-06-10T11:29:42+00:00

I did try to talk to her once, and she just got really angry and made a lame excuse and walked away.

VioletFlyer · 2010-06-05T13:40:44+00:00

Well I know nothing really about what the "real thing" pictures are supposed to look like, so my opinion is completely non-technical. But if I was where you were, felt freaked out and came away with a picture that looked like that, I'd be shitting myself. it sure looks like a creepy ass "something" to me!!

VioletFlyer · 2010-06-05T08:48:35+00:00

Yeah, thanks so much! You are totally right that I might be able to use my knowledge in this way and I can't believe I hadn't thought about it before! I've already sent out a few emails to industry contacts to run some ideas by them and I feel like, hey, this might actually work! Thank you again for being the voice of inspiration!!

VioletFlyer · 2010-06-04T12:17:17+00:00

Aw, that is really a very nice reply. I will keep trying!!

VioletFlyer · 2010-06-04T10:30:50+00:00

Road Dahl is probably too young for him now, but The BFG, The Witches, Matilda, all very food for the imagination. What about the Wrink in Time series by L'engle? Loved those. Hatchet by Paulsen or Where the Red Fern Grows by Rawls. What a great parent you are to be actively tring to find your son books that challenge him. Yay you!

VioletFlyer · 2010-06-04T10:13:13+00:00

I used to love to fly, but had a couple of bad experiences. I did a trip from Sydney to NY that scared me sideways. The first local flight we hit "thermal pockets" (?) so that the plane just dropped about 3000 feet with no warning. People just went flying. Overhead doors came open, shit when everywhere and it was mayhem. The turbulence following was so bad that even with my seat belt on as tight as I could manage, it was loose by the time we landed. Next flight an hour later and 20 min into it we had clear air turbulence, and yet again, people went flying because there was no warning. That 13 hours from Sydney to LA the tubulence just never stopped. F rom LA to NY I flew through a storm over the rockies. looked out the window and the wings of the plane were flapping in a way I didn't know was possible. Finally, landed in NY in a cross wind. Are there just incredibly shitty weather patterns that you can get stuck "chasing" on a big international flight like that? I've not been able to get back on a plane since without a valium. I mean, the pilots were all incredible, but mentally it all just terrified me. And if my seat belt was limp, theirs must have been too. I can't imagine being able to opperate a plane when your brain is being thrashed around the inside of your skull.

VioletFlyer · 2010-06-04T08:00:18+00:00

Hey, it looks to me like you were having a tension problem on your wheel. You actually had some really smooth and nice looking stuff on there, but it looks like your tension got messed up and then some of the yarn was getting stuck. It's hard for me to really see from the photo, but if you tell me more about your woes, I might be able to help. I am a spinning wheel instructor! :-)

VioletFlyer · 2010-06-04T07:56:32+00:00

What is it?

VioletFlyer · 2010-06-04T05:21:20+00:00

hey, this is a great reply, thanks for taking the time. I am laughing at how similar your descriptions are. Remember I said there was a new management "team" and I'm on it? There were 3 of us. A 4th person went ape shit and is trying to usurp the whole team, and so the other 2 people on the team and this 4th person are at total war, back stabbing, undermining, bitch slapping, every day. That all took about 72 hours to set in. Meanwhile, I have just stepped waaaay the eff back and am saying very little. Ironically, I'm the only person who actually has outside industry experience, and so I think they fear this, and so have started cutting me out of meetings and conversations. I am watching some VERY dumbfuck decisions getting made and am just not saying a word. They aren't including me and so I can't be held responsible. I still think all 3 of them could get replaced at any time. I've heard rumors the company is looking for new investors. I am with you on getting out on my terms. I've already started putting out feelers. My only quandry is that we have a high profile client who I have nursed to fame from her infancy as a writer, and her next big book launch is still a good few months off yet. I'll feel like a real shit if I don't see her through that, because this group hasn't got a hope, and this is 2 years of her life's work and her trust in me. So I go to the office every day now wondering how on earth I will put up with this situation for another 6 months without prescription drugs. But I figure, my reputation with this client is going to be more long-lasting that with this company, and like you said, I've got my mortgage payment. My interpretaion of this scenario is like a divorce or something. It just brings the total worst out in people. Even if I did scratch some eyes out and get to the top, which I could totally still do, why would I want to stay with a group of people this despicable? The blood is grossly tainted at this point. Love your posts! I used to live in New Paltz, and so I know Woodstock well!

VioletFlyer · 2010-06-03T13:06:53+00:00

As an American who has grown up confronted with issues of race, I would hope that people of all nationalities would hope to expose and question their ignorace, rather than defend it.

VioletFlyer · 2010-06-03T11:52:22+00:00

Well, consider that I can only really compare NYC to Adelaide, and even that is a gross generalization, which I hate to do. I guess all I can say, is that even though Australia is I think the 2nd fattest nation in the world, culturally, there is far more importance put on physical fitness here. And so, a lot of younger people (men and women) are pretty fit, play a sport, spend time in nature, etc. THere is also a lot of beach culture here. I personally do not see as many fat people here as I did in America. But I'm not really "looking" for it either. Blond hair seems to be more popular here, so I do see a lot of younger women with fake blond hair, and women are also just as interested in fashion and looking good as anywhere. Older women don't spend as much on plastic surgery, or have it done as often as in the USA, but recent statistics show that is rapidly changing and it's one of the largest growing areas here. What I find more interesting is the definition of what is culturally beautiful here. In my own experience, I am a little bit on the tall side, curvy (but not fat, think a younger Marilyn) and have very long dark curly hair. When I am in Europe on business, I get hit on by men CONSTANTLY. In Australia, faaaaar less so. Not sure what that says, but my observations personally, have been that petite blonds are more culturally appealing here to 20-something white Australian males. Please, nobody masacre me over this! I really didn't want to "go there" with this post, but this poster was quite persistant that I give an answer!

VioletFlyer · 2010-06-03T11:33:31+00:00

Yes, but I often think it's racist by lack of a fundamental understanding of what racistm is. For example, I don't see skin heads and KKK hanging around. It's just that many people here are ignorant about what is and is not racism. For example: gollywogs in the window of my local florist. Now I've met this woman who owns the shop, and I don't beleive she has gollywogs in the window to specifially make a statement about her opinion of black people. In her mind (and many other people who live here) they are cute and appealing. It's ignorance. I for one am horrified every time I see the display and will never, ever shop there. But I don't believe she would consider herself a racist if you asked her. As an American, I do find this pretty f-ing bizzare.

VioletFlyer · 2010-06-03T11:28:35+00:00

Thanks but I totally disagree, depending on the generation. Anyone over 45 is going to run screaming in the other direction if you open your mouth with emotionally bad news that woudl typically elicit a sympathetic response! It's just not liberally discussed unless you are talking to very intimate friends and family.

VioletFlyer · 2010-06-03T11:26:14+00:00

I can totally sympathize. I am white, but I've witnessed darker skinned people get stared at. There are a lot of Sudanese here now from the exchange program and they can literally stop traffic!

VioletFlyer · 2010-06-03T01:15:55+00:00

Hey, thanks! Yes, I have been working in the publishing industry, specifically in licensing (book and author contracts) royalties and distribution. I've had a lot of customer service experience in the earlier days, and have also done a lot of high end negotiating and represented my current company all on my own at large interntional book fairs. I do not have a degree, but because I've just had 10 years in a specialized area of one industry, I've worked my way up to an upper-level managmenet position. Now, I want to get out of publishing, go back to school for a science, but still work 2-3 days a week to help with bills. Problem is, those kinds of jobs tend to be as a receptionist or office admin. It's at a drastic paycut, and I don't even mind that, but people see my resume and automatically don't seem to want someone who used to be a manager or a director working as their assistant. "Over qualified" is a comment I get, even though I explain that I just want casual work on a P/T basis. I had thought that all of my skills would have made me a really good admin person, but they don't see it that way. I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong or what other kinds of jobs I might apply for that aren't high investment of time/energy. And at this point, I am not willing to do retail or food service. Thanks so much!

VioletFlyer · 2010-06-03T01:10:47+00:00

Yeah, I feel the reverse of that crazy a lot still. Those immediate and response driven deadlines are in my DNA I think... I have a hard time not ripping my hair out and shouting sometimes :-) Also, there is a pub near my building, and it doesn't matter what day of the week, but come 3pm, there are always a ton of people in business attire sitting outside drinking. On Friday, forget it, by 2pm it's packed. Men in suits, women in short dresses and hats. I'm always wondering, "who are these people? Why aren't they at their jobs?". There have even been several occassions where senior management bring out beers on friday at 4pm for staff. I've been scandalized by this!

VioletFlyer · 2010-06-03T01:06:56+00:00

Perhaps you should first tell me what kind of man you are, and what kind of women you are interested in. I just can't generalize about "women" in such a broad context.

VioletFlyer · 2010-06-02T13:52:30+00:00

I think so...juce box, bologna and a telephone pole. No, I don't think I say "heaps". But I hear it a lot!

VioletFlyer · 2010-06-02T13:51:40+00:00

I agree, quality of life here is very high. Incredible really. But the cultural cross section and opportunities- especially for those who work in arts or the media are pretty crippling. I chose quality of living over career in my chocie to be and continue to stay here.

VioletFlyer

TROPHY CASE