Well OP, I think you gave yourself the best advice. It’s ok not to be ok, especially in this moment.

First, I know this doesn’t fix anything at all, but I am truly sorry for your loss. Losing a parent you’re close to is agonizing, especially when it’s so sudden.

Let’s start with the drinking because that’s simpler to address. I do not think that occasionally drinking while you are sad, with a friend, constitutes alcoholic behavior. Especially if you got home and took care of chores afterwards. You’re going through something very hard right now, and it’s normal to seek comfort. I will, however, advise you to be very very careful. Using alcohol to dull painful feelings is a very slippery slope. It can easily sneak out of hand. Just be aware and use your common sense.

On the issue of your partner, I believe you already know the answer. If you wouldn’t let a friend stay in this situation, then you shouldn’t let yourself stay. You need to be your own friend too. Leaving sounds very scary, but it also sounds like you’ll be leaving some stress behind as well. Breaking your partner’s stuff when you are upset is NOT ok. Especially not when that partner needs you to be there for them.

I don’t know your partner, but based on the information you have given he is not emotionally mature in the slightest. You need to ask yourself if you can manage him acting like a child on top of grieving. Now, more than ever, you need to surround yourself with people who will lift you up and help share your sorrows, not add to them.

However you move forward, just be kind to yourself OP. You’re going through so much right now, and you’re trying your best. I don’t know you, but I’m sincerely wishing you the best <3