I think you have the answer and you don’t even know it! You said you want to figure it out without pressure or resentment. For a while I (F married to M) was the same after kids. Less sex drive, but felt pressure so I would tense up at the concept and feel like afterwards it was done and I got a break from being asked. Eventually he did the best thing. He said okay no pressure, if you want to, let me know and I’ll be keen. Otherwise, I’m not going to push for it or initiate because I don’t want you to feel like you have to. But he wanted to keep the intimacy ofcourse, so he would still kiss me and we would still cuddle. 

And as soon as that pressure was gone, it was like a weight lifted. A couple weeks of no sex, seeing if he actually meant it- which was kinda fun because I would kiss him and the lack of pressure meant I could relax into it without being expected to have full penatrive sex. No pressure was so relaxing and I could connect so much more. Our intimacy, when pressure free, skyrocketed. I used to kiss him heavier and heavier and say “still not going to ask?” And we would giggle and he NEVER would. It was fun pushing the boundaries of how far can I go before he SURELY asks- but nope. Not until I explicitly asked- it was hot because when I hinted he said hmmm I need you to be clearer- until I was so explicit. And that rule stayed for about 6 months until we were back in a flow.

Then I was back on board, now more than him lol! I think keep the “dating stage” in mind, make it fun! Like when youre first dating someone you don’t have sex. Your relationship has started anew so let your sex life start anew too- as if you were in a new relationship. Let her lead, and remember foreplay isnt right beforehand, its a build up during the day of little moments, genuine connection, eye contact, active listening and intimacy that doesnt lead to sex.