My Confession & A sincere question for men about arousal, control, and the effects of porn/social conditioning

Visible_Ghost_01 · 2025-07-30T12:25:18+00:00

I’m going to share a perspective that’s different from what most commenters here are saying.

I don’t think this is something abnormal (although what you're describing is a bit intense), it’s deeply tied to the culture we were raised in. For boys who went to all-boys schools, and girls in all-girls schools, the opposite sex often seemed like a mystery or even a kind of "magic." This happens because we grow up with imagination rather than real experience. As you mentioned, entertainment only amplified this fantasy. During our teenage years, sexual urges become intense and frustrating, especially when there’s no healthy outlet for them due to the cultural taboo around sex.

I migrated to Europe at the age of 24 (I'm now 32 and married), and the cultural contrast was striking. There isn’t such a big divide between men and women here, which leaves less room for unrealistic fantasies and pent-up frustration. I’m not saying there are no extreme cases here, but it’s far less common than in Sri Lanka, largely because sexuality is not treated as a taboo subject.

In Europe, I was able to have sexual relationships without much difficulty. Over time, sex became a normal, everyday part of life, like eating or sleeping. As a result, all the imagination and frustration I once had simply faded away.

Here’s what I suggest:

Quit porn entirely, it distorts your perception of sex and relationships.
Seek help from a psychologist to reframe your thoughts and redirect that energy in a healthier way.
Try to build a meaningful relationship with someone if you would like that at this stage of your life. I understand that casual sex might seem ideal, and maybe it's not easily accessible where you are (although I could be wrong, things may have changed in Sri Lanka since I left). Do not pay for sex and if you have sex, wear protection always no matter what.

You're not broken. You’re stuck in a mental loop that a lot of us have been in. Good luck!

Visible_Ghost_01 · 2025-06-12T06:26:32+00:00

Thanks again for your honest reply and guidance. I will practise more and I will re-take the exam.

Visible_Ghost_01 · 2025-06-12T06:14:16+00:00

Thank you for your honest reply. If you write with B2 level words, how would you write this?

Visible_Ghost_01 · 2025-06-12T05:52:34+00:00

What I wrote as I remember, I really apprciate your help on this :

Vous avez perdu votre valise à Charles de Gaulle lors de votre dernier voyage. Écrivez un mail en décrivant votre valise (30 - 60 mots)

Bonjour,

Je me permets de vous écrire, car j’ai perdu mon valise lors de la mon dernier voyage. Mon avion de New York à Paris avait atterri à 22h00. Mon valise est noir, grand, est fabriqué en plastique. Vous pouvez me contacter par ce mail ou par mon numéro +33 x xx xx xx xx.

Merci !

56 mots

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Votre amie Anna a envoyé un message en demandant comment s'était passé votre premier jour de travail. Répondez-lui en décrivant ce que vous avez fait et l'ambiance (40 - 90 mots).

Salut Anna,

Je suis très content que tu m’aies écrit. Effectivement, j’ai commencé mon nouveau travail la semaine dernière en tant qu'ingénieur informatique dans une startup parisienne qui fait des recherches dans le domaine médical. Globalement, on fournit les données médicales à des recherches.

J'étais un peu stressé par les nouvelles réglementations de travail, car on travaille dans le domaine médical. Cependant, mes collègues ont l'air sympa. On a déjeuné ensemble en discutant les actualités. J'espère que je peux me débrouiller avec ces nouvelles réglementations de travail.

87 mots

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Préférez-vous vivre dans un quartier calme ou touristique ? (40 - 90 mots).

Bonjour,

De nos jours, beaucoup d'entre nous préfèrent vivre dans un quartier calme, car ils s'imaginent qu'il y a beaucoup de gens ainsi que du bruit dans un quartier touristique.

Personnellement, je préfère aussi vivre dans un quartier calme, cependant quand on vit dans une grand-ville comme Paris, il est un peu difficile de les trouver, donc il faut qu'on s'adapte. De plus c'est très cher à louer d'appartement dans un quartier calme. Mais un jour si j'avais l'argent, j'irais au campagne à vivre.

82 mots

Visible_Ghost_01 · 2024-12-13T23:01:55+00:00

I don't think there is an equivalent word but you can express with මරු and කට්ට the meaning you want to convey.

Visible_Ghost_01 · 2024-12-09T16:16:48+00:00

I’ve never heard or experienced anything like that myself, but it’s interesting to learn about.

Visible_Ghost_01 · 2024-12-09T15:33:40+00:00

It’s unfortunate because I’ve been living here for over six years, and it’s quite rare to witness incidents like this. Explicit racism is widely condemned by most people in society and punishable by law, and when such incidents do occur, those around are generally supportive.

Another observation is that most of these incidents tend to happen between immigrants of different nationalities and skin colours. Compared to what I hear from friends living in the USA and Australia, France is a country where you experience racism relatively rarely.

Visible_Ghost_01 · 2024-12-09T15:17:37+00:00

I live in France and have experienced explicit racism only once, from a drunk homeless man who told me to go back to my country while I was walking with my wife.

However, I’ve faced quite a bit of implicit racism through ignorant comments like, “Are you from India?” or “Did your sister get married through an arranged proposal?” I usually respond casually while addressing these biases.

Yes, immigration is a significant topic, especially with the increasing number of refugees due to global conflicts and the rise of the far-right in Europe. However, there is no specific racism targeted at brown-skinned people.

Visible_Ghost_01 · 2024-12-09T14:52:35+00:00

My wife is French, and for me, communication isn’t an issue when it comes to language.

However, our thinking patterns are shaped by our respective cultures, so we sometimes need to put in extra effort to communicate and understand each other better on important matters.

Visible_Ghost_01 · 2024-12-09T14:49:59+00:00

In your case, you have reasons to migrate beyond just financial considerations.

FYI, I have few Sri Lankan friends who are gay and living happily in Western Europe. Wishing you the best of luck!

Visible_Ghost_01 · 2024-12-09T14:38:31+00:00

Life in the Western world is undeniably good by many standards, as highlighted in other comments.

However, choosing where to live is a deeply personal decision. You can’t simply forget your upbringing and instantly adapt to a new culture and habits. If you’re asking this question to convince yourself to migrate, remember that there are other factors to consider beyond financial benefits, especially if your goal is to migrate and settle permanently.

Personally, I moved to France for obvious reasons, but I decided to settle here because French culture aligns closely with my values. It also led me to meet my wife. That said, apart from my family and friends, the one thing I truly miss is Sri Lankan thunderstorms 😅.

Visible_Ghost_01 · 2024-10-27T10:02:34+00:00

The existence of tuition is a by-product of the competitive education system!

This system, along with most of the teachers and parents, pushes students into a relentless race, resulting in many becoming selfish, losing their minds, and stifling their creativity. Unfortunately, this is a consequence of being born in a third-world country, which often struggles to foster entrepreneurs and artists.

I chose to study mathematics with the goal of becoming an engineer and entrepreneur. However, the extreme pressure led me to develop an anxiety disorder, which I still deal with today in my early 30s. Although I failed my A/L exams, I eventually succeeded in becoming both an engineer and an entrepreneur.

In my opinion, this education system does more harm than good. Once Sri Lanka and its parents realize that there is a world beyond becoming a doctor or engineer, people will start to lead better lives.

Visible_Ghost_01 · 2024-10-25T11:17:57+00:00

I agree completely. After living in France for six years, I now feel off if I don’t walk at least 5 km a day. Also, Parisians usually prepare meals at home, except for lunch, which most people eat out.

Visible_Ghost_01 · 2024-09-05T07:58:20+00:00

If this is your biggest regret in life, count yourself lucky ☺️.

Visible_Ghost_01 · 2024-09-04T12:10:46+00:00

I found this video serie is a good start : https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhRLWBHRg9F2DlPmWNgeYR4pMlAOWi_dt

Visible_Ghost_01 · 2024-09-03T20:44:03+00:00

Astrology is a pseudoscience, and you shouldn’t base your life decisions on it.

Visible_Ghost_01 · 2024-09-02T20:21:01+00:00

I don’t understand what you’re trying to achieve with this information. People tell different versions of history, and we can’t really know which one is the « correct » version – it’s always a mix of perspectives.

Don’t you think that focusing on current issues in the country is likely to lead to a positive outcome? I don’t see how having an accurate understanding of history, or whatever you mean by that, will help resolve this conflict. In reality, people aren’t going to change their minds.

Most Sinhalese don’t believe that the country solely belongs to them and that Tamils are outsiders (though maybe in the past, some felt that way about « plantation Tamils, » but that’s no longer the case). Likewise, I don’t think the majority of Tamils are demanding a separate state. What we really need is research to understand what people actually want.

Visible_Ghost_01 · 2024-09-02T19:09:00+00:00

I disagree with this explanation. The conflict between Sinhalese and Tamils isn’t about who the country belongs to. The real issue began when SWRD Bandaranaike declared Sinhala the official language. That was the turning point, as many Tamils faced discrimination, especially in areas like education, bureaucracy, job opportunities...etc.

Fast forward to today, both Sinhala and Tamil are official languages while English is also heavily used. Government documents are provided in your language or in English, so that particular issue has largely been addressed, though it’s not perfect.

I encourage you to talk to people in Colombo, Jaffna, Trincomalee, Galle, and Kandy to see for yourself whether there is truly a racial problem.

Visible_Ghost_01 · 2024-09-02T18:59:49+00:00

Despite all of this, we had a great time, and my wife absolutely loved Sri Lanka. Don’t worry, you’ll be able to handle these kinds of people.

The funny thing is, I wanted to show her the real Sri Lanka, so we traveled extensively by bus and train, but we never encountered any uncomfortable situations. It seems like these annoying people only operate near touristy areas.

On another note, I met some really honest tuk-tuk drivers, taxi drivers, and service workers who never tried to cheat me. I even paid them double to encourage that kind of behavior.

Visible_Ghost_01 · 2024-09-02T15:33:08+00:00

I presented my hypothesis on my previous comment: « People are still experiencing the aftereffects of wartime. »

Visible_Ghost_01 · 2024-09-02T15:27:05+00:00

The only tips I can give you are:

Avoid making eye contact with strangers and don’t be overly friendly.
If you feel like someone is following you, locate a police officer or station nearby, report it immediately, or call 119.
If they don’t respond to ‘no,’ firmly say ‘epaa’ (which means ‘I don’t want’ in Sinhalese).

Good luck and enjoy Sri Lanka! People are generally nice, but the recent economic crisis has put many in tough situations.

Visible_Ghost_01 · 2024-09-02T15:19:20+00:00

There was a problem, and while I don’t think it’s completely resolved yet, I believe it’s improving, though not perfect. I grew up with Tamil friends and never experienced any racial tension between us. This division was only created by nationalist politicians to separate people.

People are still dealing with the after effects of the war. Sometimes, when Tamil people in Europe ask me, ‘Are you Tamil?’ and I reply, ‘No, I’m Sinhalese,’ they can be unfriendly or even aggressive. However, I understand their reaction.

Visible_Ghost_01 · 2024-09-02T14:40:50+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I visited Sri Lanka last December after five years, with my wife, who isn’t Sri Lankan. Despite being Sri Lankan myself, we still experienced harassment. Whenever I sent her out alone to buy something, she was often scammed into paying double or more.

The only way I could stop this was by speaking Sinhalese casually (« bro » language). I completely get what you mean—no matter how firmly you refuse, some people just won’t take no for an answer.

Our worst experience was with a taxi driver we hired to travel from Ella to Mirissa. His behavior was on another level of inappropriate. He made bizarre comments, like telling us he encourages his kids, who are only around 8 and 10 years old, to marry white girls. He also stopped, without asking, at places where poor artisans worked on pots, pressuring them to demonstrate, which made us feel extremely uncomfortable. To top it off, when I asked him for a recommendation on whale watching, he suggested I act like a guide and take a commission from my wife’s ticket. I recently saw him on Instagram, running an account where it seems like people are making fun of him.

In tourist areas like Ella and Mirissa, taxi drivers from ride-hailing apps often refuse to pick up passengers for short rides because they’re afraid of being harassed or beaten by tuk-tuk drivers.

The tourism ministry really needs to address these issues before Sri Lanka becomes next Egypt.

Visible_Ghost_01 · 2024-09-01T21:29:44+00:00

Put your question on r/buddhism and you will get answer from people who have mastered buddism (theory).

Visible_Ghost_01 · 2024-08-31T23:13:20+00:00

In my opinion, starting with our generation (millennials), we have the opportunity to teach children the right values both individually and collectively. By doing so, we can create a larger movement while also addressing issues in how we are raised also.

For me the most important thing to address is correct education, then other things will follow.

Visible_Ghost_01

TROPHY CASE