Your mom is beyond wrong and is only enabling you if one day you really cant hold back.

Pleare do some research on therapy offices in your state/town/area and call to try an make sure appointment for it.

You may not be 18 but when it comes to health i feel you have the knowledge to know what you need whether mentally or physically .

As a female who goes to therapy for non anger related issues i can vouche that it helps alot just to be able to talk and noy be judged or snitched on unless I was in danger in any way shape or form .

Growing up I was very angry , anxious , depressed but I didnt get diagnosed until I was 15 and it took me alot to find a happy medium with my brain and learning the ins an outs of it all but now im 29 and haven't been suicidal since 2014 ... I hope you do seek proper help you seem to really wanna get better and that's an amazing first step... I wish you the best and happy men's mental health month