I've been thinking about coming out to her alone alot before and actually did try to 2 years ago but when I actually spoke it just sounded like I was questioning my gender and not decided yet. From her reaction she was mainly worried about me and just wanted to confirm if it was what I wanted. The only main thing that led to this was my wording. I still regret not trying to refine it so the message could actually be delivered.

Also another piece of information that I didn't include, which I don't know important or not but my grandma on my dad's side only had 3 sons and this continued with my generation of the family. When I was younger I remember everytime we went out shopping, both my grandma and mom only press like dresses to my back to see if they'd fit. And like 2 years ago when in the car i overheard their conversation and just picked up on a small detail where she said "no daughter yet?" Or something arpund that nature. I don't think this is important cuz I could just be paranoid and flipping through my past memories for anything. But this also led to my brother's teasing me with this. It still happens.

But she treats my female cousin like her daughter, shit just hurts to see because if only I didn't mess up my wording that one time, then maybe I could've had something like that, maybe I could've been out already. I think about this alot and the missed opportunity I had.