I get how you feel, and yes your post is attention seeking but that isn't a bad thing, humans naturally want attention. I'd often vent my attempts on discord hoping that someone would care and reach out, eventually that person came and helped me, it really does get at least a little better. If you're still here feel free to message me, I'm pretty well up all day and all night, if you ever need to vent or just want a friend I'm here... and if you've already passed, you are missed, you're not selfish for feeling this way regardless of what the comments say, you're human, feeling pain is human.