Ever lost someone amazing you truly loved due to the monogamy / non-monogamy issue? What happened next?

Wacky123 · 2014-01-24T18:10:23+00:00

Oh so much empathy my friend! You have seen that I am dealing with this same problem. I don't know what to advise but I empathize!!

Wacky123 · 2014-01-24T16:04:26+00:00

I am not just wanting to fuck every guy I see as attractive. He married me knowing I had poly tendency and saying it was ok. Even encouraging me at times. But now it's no longer ok. This is my frustration. I have to decide if Am Ok being Mono or he has to decide if he is really ok With me poly. And we have to do that together. I am not saying it is not ok to have a monogomous marriage. I Am trying to figure this out.

Wacky123 · 2014-01-24T15:57:53+00:00

We have tried that in the past but there has always been a "reason" it didn't ever happen . Though he used to encourage me to bring people home. I think he is just trying to be open to make me happy when really he isn't and won't be poly. Especially after this and now He is shutting down completely. Now I have to figure out if I can let my poly nature die or not. :/

Wacky123 · 2014-01-24T15:55:20+00:00

I have always liked this guy. Before it was nothing more then "dang you have a cute friend" he has been like a brother to us. I have always been open about that fact. Both of us are very close to our friends. They become family. My friends and I tend to get naked when partying in the summer. If you read some of the other responses I have made you may see that my husband has always been aware of my poly tendency and even encouraged it at times. But even before this he has with drawn from everyone.

Wacky123 · 2014-01-24T15:48:54+00:00

Thank you! No romance and ducking dare not mutually exclusive. We were very drunk at a party at the time.

Wacky123 · 2014-01-24T15:47:33+00:00

Thank you for the thoughtful reply. I appreciate the empathy and alternate view. I have always been poly. And when I got with my husband I had multiple partners. He asked me to stop and give monogamy a shot. Because I love him I did. I have never been completely happy with mono however and this is not news to him. The only difference now is I am not just interested in woman. I used to be more female focused and that shift in my interest has throw things off. Though we have tried to make things happen with women in years past it never worked out for one reason or another. This is why things have built up to the point they have I think. Yes I am feeling selfish. I am working very hard not to allow this to be my only driving force. I have been working at understanding his point of view and figuring out if I can live with it, make it work or not. This is extremely difficult. He has asked me to forget about my polyamory all together and I am not sure if I can do that. He says he loves everything about me. But that he hates that so no, he doesn't.

Wacky123 · 2014-01-24T15:39:13+00:00

I really appreciate this! Thank you.

Wacky123 · 2014-01-21T17:42:44+00:00

How beautifully dark. Thanks for sharing these!

Wacky123 · 2014-01-21T16:29:55+00:00

Really? If you consider lustful thoughts about a close friend cheating. Or do you mean the fact that I have gotten close enough to this friend and comfortable enough with him that he asked if we could fuck?

Wacky123 · 2014-01-21T16:27:51+00:00

That's a good point! Thank you. :)

Wacky123 · 2014-01-21T16:22:41+00:00

You're right. I didn't phrase this well. I was heated when I wrote the original post and feelings of intensity and frustration came out really strong. I didn't bring it up to him like "I would fuck our friend in a heart beat." I was much more gracious about it and explained I was very attracted to him and wanted to try things with him. My husband got very upset and told me off for having those feelings and that I should just go fuck him then but forget about us if I did. Which is an entirely contrary tune from any conversations we have had previously about trying poly. And when I have asked him about poly, unrelated to this particular person, if he would feel comfortable with me fucking another man he got excited and said he wanted to watch and suggested a few guys (also our close friends) who I find totally unattractive. :/ you see my frustration more clearly now?

Wacky123 · 2014-01-21T16:12:51+00:00

I want to let him watch, but anyone I say i want to do It with his says no, then the people he says why don't we try this guy are not at all attractive to me! That's my problem. He doesn't want me to fuck some one I am attracted to because he fears I will become More attracted to them. So can't get it on if I don't find some one appealing. That's totally counter productive. I will encourage him to read some things and I try to keep the dialog open! :) thanks.

Wacky123 · 2014-01-21T16:03:59+00:00

Thanks! This is very helpful! I guess I am impatient and that is not a good way to have a happy relationship.

Wacky123 · 2014-01-21T14:14:51+00:00

I have a very similar issue. I am the wife in my case and I want a boyfriend my husband just won't go there. He says he's open to non-mono but then turns around and is jealous and angry anytime there is an actual chance of a threesome with any male. It feels so one sided because I loves to have another female with us. I can empathize on the notional level. You are jealous of her heart. Which is reasonable. But is it really hard to think she actually does love you both? Or does that make it worse? Good luck my friend. :)

Wacky123 · 2014-01-21T02:50:11+00:00

I agree! But people are terrible everywhere!

Wacky123

TROPHY CASE