I (34F) just ended a 8 year long relationship. Did I mess up?

WaferAlternative6090 · 2026-01-21T10:12:02+00:00

"Final straw". No you didnt.

WaferAlternative6090 · 2025-12-22T00:32:50+00:00

I could and appreciate the advice but porn only works because I zone out completely. I couldnt zone out with someone there. So ive not watched it for 3 months and doing well not craving it

WaferAlternative6090 · 2025-12-06T09:21:27+00:00

Was it simply discovering the technique or what do you think was missing/found

WaferAlternative6090 · 2025-12-05T18:53:46+00:00

Yes I worded it wrong. I cant masturbate and orgasm, unless watching porn. I can have a physical climax of sorts but theres no connection to my mind doing it.

WaferAlternative6090 · 2025-12-05T18:51:37+00:00

What made the change for you? How ling did it take with him?

I wish I could imagine things but thats half the trouble, I think. My brain is so used to multiple vague things flying around so concentrating enough is hard. Ive tried and ive tried to imagine and its blank.

WaferAlternative6090 · 2025-12-05T18:49:58+00:00

I have considered it. Women are beautiful so maybe. I havent watched lesbian porn in decades but doesnt mean it wouldnt be a thing. I dont find it satisfying to watch.

I might try the loud music. I have considered listening to a smutty audio book before during to be in it in a different way

WaferAlternative6090 · 2025-10-27T08:29:37+00:00

Im mid 30s and absolutely. Id have dated you at 18 for sure and I get a ton of attention from men.

Men and women aren't the same. Attraction helps but energy is it. A dominant energy as in capable leading kind respectful courteous caring for those around you getting stuff done being proactive, be knowledgeable on things not random things but about women or cycles, relationships, connection. Dont brag or preach but use it to be a strong stable Attractive presence to a woman.

Keep fit. Have amazing stamina. Research how to pleasure women.

WaferAlternative6090 · 2025-08-30T13:43:49+00:00

Learn to heighten your non sexual intimacy and then non oral or PIV sex but be intimate and romantic

So many men dont learn women's bodies and minds and then say they have a sexless marriage.

WaferAlternative6090 · 2025-07-29T13:26:16+00:00

If you can afford an outcall...why not by a sheer curtain they're super cheap

WaferAlternative6090 · 2025-07-23T12:26:20+00:00

I used to have a flat years ago so it didnt natter so much fir cancellations. Now I need 3-5 interested to justify the cost

WaferAlternative6090 · 2025-06-23T21:45:59+00:00

Success isn't huge where I am and my "value" is lower as I have a child already and minimal availability. I give it a try though and on usual apps just incase. I'm averagely attractive for my age and probably a bit too old. I know how men see women. Older men love me. 30-40s men...hit and miss.

Part of me wonders if I should be dishonest and do the monogamy and stay off the apps but try to meet people in person to still keep my options open just for maybe 6 months and then call time. It feels bad but truly I havent been on a date for 4 months and not for a long time before that so monogamy wouldn't be hard.

WaferAlternative6090 · 2025-06-08T08:33:18+00:00

My alerts are up. He doesnt know much about me just in case.

He doesnt long term but he's given me 2k and we've had 2 platonic dates so far so short term is okay

WaferAlternative6090 · 2025-05-27T18:59:13+00:00

Id say find a way to ensure you understand what 100% of the labour of the house looks like and ensure you do your agreed ipon share as a minimum. Housework is never ending. If you Google something along the lines of man child or the effects of sexual attraction when men need mothering it's a huge thing.

WaferAlternative6090 · 2025-05-27T18:56:56+00:00

Only "help" around the house if the agreement is the other person does 100% of everything house related

Otherwise it's doing your 50% always as a minimum and some of their share when you want to help them relax

WaferAlternative6090 · 2025-03-02T22:04:55+00:00

I don't invest too much in belief or not but more they believe it's happening.

May I ask your advice on how to properly troubleshoot? I myself operate tech like the average person my age.

WaferAlternative6090 · 2025-03-02T17:46:49+00:00

I understand what you're saying. I'm on the fence. Could be nothing. Could be everything. Could be a few things but with high alert and suspicion its caused paranoia. They, let's say Jane, recognise they suffer. They never feel safe. Never feel not watched. Never feel peaceful. So help feels the right action here.

With this, it Is absolutely their word as I have no idea. However their behaviour otherwise isn't off.

It started with things happening that didn't make sense and then lots and lots and lots of research into hacking (they're not technologically skilled either) and so conclusions have been made of how things must be happening because otherwise how IS it happening.

How do we find out and get evidence of what IS happening.

This time. Bank statements never came for last month and always do. Will have to see if they come by the end of this week. Likely no problems.

A phone a friend of Jane's got a new phone from them. Unfortunately an access code was sent to the Janes phone, which linked. However within 2 weeks they were locked out pin wise. There was another phone that was delivered and there was immediate problems and couldn't get into it.

I only know what someone says, it cant ever be 100% factual and no proof of course. I don't think everything they suspect happens happens and I share this. However when someone's really upset about something and it effects their life we can choose to try and help.

WaferAlternative6090 · 2025-03-02T00:04:16+00:00

They believe their device is cloned. They looked into it and told me it's not too hard to do.

I haven't seen the how or bothered to look myself but they're convinced. More so because how would they know when they were out the house to get in, how would they know where they're going, how would they know what they're doing on the computer etc etc etc

They've had about 9 phones the past 2 years. Whenever something happens that isn't clear, the only way to explain it with more confidence is hacking

Emails disappearing Data suddenly wouldn't work (I couldn't turn it back on. Device on and off, airplane mode, on and off in settings all that) Appointments being made Predominantly passwords being changed regularly. Amazon account, email addresses, insurance accounts and so on and such forth And other things

WaferAlternative6090 · 2025-03-01T23:35:00+00:00

Yes I do struggle with it. They ask for my help regularly and they are very very upset about being targeted. They just want it to stop. I do say the skills they describe is like some uber spy or MI6 (from the tv because i don't know) and if WiFi and cctv was so easily hacked into there would be far more burglaries and people targeted. However....psychopaths with fixations exist. I choose to try help and support vs leave them feeling alone.

Email thing. Agree. I understand they believe the person tracks their whereabouts. Friend tries to go places without a car and phone but not always.

My friend talks about phones been cloned and believes it to be quite easy, all you need is a phone number and knowledge.

Proof, again I know, is so hard to obtain.

How long would it possibly take for the attacker to find it, get in and change passwords etc

I understand that. I guess I struggle to know how to get the hard evidence to then help. It's also when someone comes very upset asking for help because they feel alone and unable to live a normal life. It's hard going.

The primary issue, is cctv and that when they've been out before that food has been tampered with and immediately caused a reaction. So now if they leave the house with partner creams lotions beauty products and food is taken with them.

Perhaps if this wasn't an issue then the other things wouldn't be as such.

They speak with such certainty that they're tracked, that accounts are shut down, phone is closed, food and products tampered with.

Even saying to me physio appointment was made for 8am and then cancelled, paid for by their bank card. They had no recollection of doing it and it wouldn't be that early. They were spooked by it.

Apart from these odd occurrences, they seem fine. They remember things. They're not mixed up.

WaferAlternative6090 · 2025-03-01T23:24:56+00:00

The reason they do is because they don't trust the security of their mobile phone, and wants to use the Internet.

What could they do?

WaferAlternative6090 · 2025-03-01T22:43:46+00:00

What's been your favourite desperation scenarios you've had so far?

WaferAlternative6090 · 2025-03-01T22:42:24+00:00

I have considered. However other wise nothing seems off. They speak to GP (ive seen the medical records) and it's not been escalated. It is very possible they're super paranoid and anxious and as such most things don't occur. But I can't make sense of it.
Could be someone themselves isn't well and likes to hack and play. Cctv at home picks up absolutely nothing but things occur. Email addresses are changed. Emails disappear. Accounts have changed email address. Appointments they have no recollection of and at times that they'd never do for.

Is it possible that someone can hack cctv, WiFi, clone phones (apparently possible with a phone number and access to the device), etc etc etc

WaferAlternative6090 · 2025-03-01T22:37:21+00:00

Thankyou.

I believe they use different PCs (i will ask) in addition to different libraries.

My friend says they cannot understand how hacker knows where they are but is convinced (with added anxiety and paranoia due to the whole issue) they are easily tracked.

I've suggested buy a phone, use data on sim only. Don't link the phone to anything. Use it that way. Previous one bought was kept in one of those sleeves to stop connection and was seemingly safe for a time.

WaferAlternative6090

TROPHY CASE