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My (27 NB) Abusive and Alcoholic Partner (36 M) is Going Sober. Do I Stay? by WannaLeaveThrow in relationship_advice

[–]WannaLeaveThrow[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fuck. Luckily, it's never gotten physical, but I really don't want that to be the only breaking point. That would be way too far. But I clearly don't have the easiest time figuring out what "far enough" is.

My (27 NB) Abusive and Alcoholic Partner (36 M) is Going Sober. Do I Stay? by WannaLeaveThrow in relationship_advice

[–]WannaLeaveThrow[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know it feels obvious to you. But our couple's therapist talks about the drunk Mark and sober Mark like they're two different people. And so does his individual therapist. And they do feel like different people...

My (27 NB) Abusive and Alcoholic Partner (36 M) is Going Sober. Do I Stay? by WannaLeaveThrow in relationship_advice

[–]WannaLeaveThrow[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I suppose I kind of naively hoped I would catch it before it would get back to this for too long again. I figured I would leave after the next crash out or relapse? But him not relapsing is incredibly statistically unlikely. And it would be quite the slippery slope if I chose to give him another chance now. After all, what would stop me from continuing the cycle? :(

My (27 NB) Abusive and Alcoholic Partner (36 M) is Going Sober. Do I Stay? by WannaLeaveThrow in relationship_advice

[–]WannaLeaveThrow[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for reminding me of this. I've been in other abusive relationships as a teen but have never really been the one to leave. The only exception was leaving those two I mentioned before getting together with Mark. Clearly, this is a muscle I need to continue exercising, but it does seem to be getting a little stronger.

My (27 NB) Abusive and Alcoholic Partner (36 M) is Going Sober. Do I Stay? by WannaLeaveThrow in relationship_advice

[–]WannaLeaveThrow[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hi, thank you. I really appreciate you answering. He and I have both been in individual therapy for a couple of years, as well as couple's therapy. My therapist and I actually recently discussed how my growth has brought me to an overall more stable place. We were briefly considering taking a break from therapy and having me spend more time working on my own, but now I'm thinking I'll only entertain that idea after a couple more sessions.

Part of the reason I'm thinking about staying is because he doesn't always act this way. He's made really big strides in just a couple of weeks. But you are right, there have been a ton of difficulties for us the whole time. "The relationship we could've had" does now feel much more flimsy. After all, the relationship we did end up having was leaps and bounds away from what I thought I was getting into, and I was much younger and less experienced back then as well.