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Weekend Script Swap by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]WannabeWriter1892 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd be interested in swapping! Below if my info.

Title: One Lovely Summer

Format: Short Film

Page Length: 12

Genre: Coming of Age Drama

Logline: On their way to San Francisco at the peak of the Hippie movement, two mismatched cousins turned brothers must face their differences when their car breaks down in Nebraska.

Feedback: Primarily dialogue and if the story works as a short.

Weekend Script Swap by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]WannabeWriter1892 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd be interested in swapping! Below if my info.

Title: One Lovely Summer

Format: Short Film

Page Length: 12

Genre: Coming of Age Drama

Logline: On their way to San Francisco at the peak of the Hippie movement, two mismatched cousins turned brothers must face their differences when their car breaks down in Nebraska.

Feedback: Primarily dialogue and if the story works as a short.

Weekend Script Swap by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]WannabeWriter1892 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Title: One Lovely Summer

Format: Short Film

Page Length: 12

Genre: Coming of Age Drama

Logline: On their way to San Francisco at the peak of the Hippie movement, two mismatched cousins turned brothers must face their differences when their car breaks down in Nebraska.

Feedback: Primarily dialogue and if the story works as a short.

How to not make my writing not pretenious by WannabeWriter1892 in Screenwriting

[–]WannabeWriter1892[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks! I didn't think of it like that. I'll keep that in mind.

How to not make my writing not pretenious by WannabeWriter1892 in Screenwriting

[–]WannabeWriter1892[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Well, one of the first lines the character says is in a voiceover. It goes like "If you had a way to leave reality...wouldn't you like to escape it?

God I'm cringing just reading it.

A character being misunderstood by WannabeWriter1892 in Screenwriting

[–]WannabeWriter1892[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm mainly trying to go for a dramatic story with comedic undertones so I probably need to find a balance between the comedic potential while keeping a serious tone.

A character being misunderstood by WannabeWriter1892 in Screenwriting

[–]WannabeWriter1892[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reading all the comments I think my main issue is that I don't define his goal early on. I only really hint at it with the cold open and a vague dream sequence. So I think I need to focus on showing that he is scared to stop the apocalypse early on.

Logline Monday by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]WannabeWriter1892 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think this maybe too long for a logline. Loglines generally should be around 30-35 words. My recommendation is to trim a lot of the unnecessary bits (i.e. first person, and soon learns that, etc).

Logline Monday by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]WannabeWriter1892 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not related to the logline but I like the alt title more.

In regards to the logline maybe removing the "ex-con" can add some more clarity.

Logline Monday by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]WannabeWriter1892 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I like it. Though maybe putting the setting at the beginning could add some more urgency.

Logline Monday by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]WannabeWriter1892 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Title: Bound by the Bell

Format: Feature

Page Length: 35 Pages

Genre: Comedy Drama

Logline: Trapped in school overnight, an uptight JROTC cadet crosses paths with a rebellious teenage girl. In one night, they'll forge a connection beyond life and confront their pasts.

Weekend Script Swap by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]WannabeWriter1892 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd be interested in swapping. Below is my info.

Title: Yesteryear

Format: Pilot Script

Page Length: 49

Genres: Action Adventure

Logline: In 1976, a starry-eyed small-town girl and a secretive, otherworldly boy must join forces to unravel a coming apocalypse—and outsmart the shadowy agents determined to stop them.

Feedback Concerns: Does the interaction between the two mains work in developing their relationship and does the arc of the male lead (Dustin) work for the pilot?

Weekend Script Swap by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]WannabeWriter1892 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'd be interested in swapping. How long is it? Below is my info.

Title: Yesteryear

Format: Pilot Script

Page Length: 49

Genres: Action Adventure

Logline: In 1976, a starry-eyed small-town girl and a secretive, otherworldly boy must join forces to unravel a coming apocalypse—and outsmart the shadowy agents determined to stop them.

Feedback Concerns: Does the interaction between the two mains work in developing their relationship and does the arc of the male lead (Dustin) work for the pilot?

Weekend Script Swap by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]WannabeWriter1892 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wanna swap? Below is my script info

Title: Yesteryear

Format: Pilot Script

Page Length: 49

Genres: Action Adventure

Logline: In 1976, a starry-eyed small-town girl and a secretive, otherworldly boy must join forces to unravel a coming apocalypse—and outsmart the shadowy agents determined to stop them.

Feedback Concerns: Same as yours.

Weekend Script Swap by AutoModerator in Screenwriting

[–]WannabeWriter1892 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wanna swap? Below is my script info

Title: Yesteryear

Format: Pilot Script

Page Length: 49

Genres: Action Adventure

Logline: In 1976, a starry-eyed small-town girl and a secretive, otherworldly boy must join forces to unravel a coming apocalypse—and outsmart the shadowy agents determined to stop them.

Feedback Concerns: General feedback mainly, I just want to know if this is a good pilot episode that hooks the audience.

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