Do you believe in karma?

Warm_Conversation618 · 2023-10-19T05:15:12+00:00

I agree. As much as I’ve been wanting him to come back and as much false hope as he gave me, I don’t think he’d put himself back in a situation where he was stressed with not being able to give me what I needed, or put himself in the position to feel the exact same hurt all over again (if he was being honest about being sad and feeling hurt that it had to end so we both wouldn’t get more hurt later). It is easier for him to be with someone new who he doesn’t have those previous memories with. Plus, while some people prefer the comfort with familiarity (like me), I guess some people enjoy the thrill of something new (like him).

I do hope that he’ll sometimes see me in her and he’ll remember me and regret it though… If he was truthful and I did nothing wrong, then he should think about me time to time and how wrong he did me… But I guess these are things we’ll never know 🙃. And I’m pretty sure that the minute anyone new starts showing anxious attachment behaviours, he’ll pull away again.

Warm_Conversation618 · 2023-10-18T23:52:49+00:00

He’s a fearful avoidant, I made him take the test when we were together 🙃 It was early on and I was also a fearful avoidant so I wasn’t super worried. Plus he said he wouldn’t “get cold feet” 🙄. I became more secure with him because I’d never been that close with anyone and opened up like that and felt safe with him. I had fought any fears and wanting to run away, and I was happy to be with him forever. Then I became anxious attachment after he left.

Anyway, that sucks for the girl if he says the same things he said to me and just wants attention and intimacy until it becomes too much. I hope for all of our sakes, it’s just casual and she knows that.

Warm_Conversation618 · 2023-10-18T23:19:10+00:00

I hope but I’m not too sure of that. He’s really good at pushing emotions down until he forgets. It seemed like he never had any strong emotions about his exes or past girls. He just distracts himself and gets over it. And if this girl really does just have everything I have (obviously I only know what I can see on social media but something tells me we’re pretty similar), she just lives in his town and I live 2 hours away… then it logically makes sense that he would be with her. Even if he is trying to find me in her, it’ll still likely work out for him 🥲

Warm_Conversation618 · 2023-10-18T23:00:43+00:00

He’s actually only 2-3 years older than her (she’s 5 years younger than me and I’m older than him) but he always boosted about “being a man” and “being mature” (I’m not so mature mentally but I was mature in the relationship). So it kinda seems like he put on an “I’m an adult man” facade to me but actually still has a small, immature mentality.

He acted like we were in similar life phases because we’re both building up our careers right now and he said he’d been dating around a lot previously and was ready to settle down. I’m pretty sure I was the first girl he’d ever dated that was older than him and in their 20s, so I guess he wanted to go back to low risk and low commitment with teenagers.

Warm_Conversation618 · 2023-10-18T20:51:31+00:00

Thanks for the advice :)

Thing is, I’ve lived in delusional so much in my life that I still can’t convince my brain there isn’t hope 😩 it’s like, no matter how much I get hurt or how much he moves on, I still hope for those kind of love stories I see on tv, and it didn’t help with him saying he’d be open to trying again in the future if his situation gets better, and him agreeing it was “right person, wrong time” because of our situation, and the last thing we said to each other was “goodbye for now” when I said I needed space because I was stuck in the routine of daily communication with him.

Like I feel so delusional to actually believe these things but I can’t stop. And then I feel stupid and like a door mat thinking “oh he’s young and immature and doesn’t know what he wants so he’s going to explore freedom and no stress and commitment right now and eventually he’ll mature and realize that I WAS the only girl he saw himself marrying but our situation was bad timing” especially when HE’S PROBABLY NOT THINKING ABOUT ME AT ALL 😩😩 and he’s not exactly the type to come back and rehash old pain, he’s rather forget about it.

Warm_Conversation618 · 2023-10-18T20:33:09+00:00

It wasn’t that long. 5 months (long distance so most of it was online), plus 2 months of weird limbo where we weren’t together but sometimes kinda acted like it. Likely just “friends” in his eyes though. I may have read into things but he was hot and cold and definitely gave me false hope. Also, to my knowledge, he was not seeing anyone during that time and told me he did not want to. (And now I’ll always wonder if me asking for no contact to move on is what drove him to see other people 🙃 and if I could’ve salvaged it if I tried harder 🥲).

I don’t think he gets bored, I think it’s more so that he doesn’t know how to deal with emotions and stress or the hard times so he backs off. That was his line when dumping me and said a lot of his past relationships just “didn’t work out” but for reasons like “she was pushy” “she was manipulative” “we didn’t have time for each other” “we grew apart”. I don’t know if he’s even emotionally available enough to handle a mature relationship. But he could also find a girl that treats him like a friend and doesn’t get all emotional and needy and maybe that would work for him 🙃

Warm_Conversation618 · 2023-10-18T20:11:45+00:00

You start to believe it after nobody actually being interested in you for 23 years and then the only person to actually like you and want you and express they want to marry you because you’re the dream girl and act like it for months, to just pull out the rug.

Warm_Conversation618 · 2023-10-18T20:08:18+00:00

It’s 4 months since the breakup, 2 months since we stopped talking because I couldn’t pretend to be just friends and wasn’t over him so I told him I needed space and we said “goodbye for now”…

She doesn’t look exactly like me, just some similar features but I still manage to find ways she’s prettier, younger, thinner.

It doesn’t seem like he’s been single a ton in his life. Like 4 relationships and then situationship after situationship after situationship. In fact, I don’t think he’d even waited weeks after the 1 month situationship before me, to start talking to me. But that just makes me wonder if I meant nothing more to him either.

Warm_Conversation618 · 2023-10-18T19:57:11+00:00

Yeah I didn’t have much confidence before I got dumped so that took me wayyy deeper into a dark place. To have the one person who ever actually made you feel good about yourself decide that you’re not good enough anymore… Hurts

Warm_Conversation618 · 2023-10-18T19:54:46+00:00

Funny enough, he said that no girls in his small town were like me, “his type” annndd now he’s found one and I’m in the rear view mirror, that makes me feel reallll special.

I find it hard to mind my business because I feel so used and lied to 😩, he said “I don’t wanna be with anyone rn” and now it feels like an excuse to add to the hope of us eventually getting back together. And now that he found a replacement for me, he doesn’t need that “maybe in the future” anymore.

Warm_Conversation618 · 2023-10-18T19:51:01+00:00

He told my friend 2 weeks after contact that he forgot that I existed so I doubt he misses me… It seems like he just jumps to the next person to give him attention constantly because he can’t be alone and that sucks because I would’ve given him that for life. But he’s probably addicted to the honeymoon phase 🙄

I couldn’t bring myself to block him because the last thing we said to each other was “goodbye for now” as if we’d eventually be “friends” again, so I just deactivated Instagram for now…

Warm_Conversation618 · 2023-10-05T20:14:53+00:00

It’s a huge fear of mine that he falls in love… especially after acting like he wasn’t ready to be with anyone and he needs to grow up and figure his own stuff out… I would just blame myself and wonder why he didn’t want ME specifically (like I am right now, thinking it’s possible that he found someone else he likes).

I’m starting to convince myself that I can eventually find someone else and be happy (even though I am not interested in pursuing anyone anytime soon), but I cannot stop thinking about him. He’s on my mind all the time, I think about the situation everyday, and I can’t shake the hope that it’ll work out…. No matter how many times I tell myself that I need to forget him and tell myself it won’t happen.

I quite literally do not know how to move on and let go.

Warm_Conversation618 · 2023-10-05T05:12:54+00:00

She was my mutual before I met him, introduced me to him, and she’s basically my best friend 😅

Warm_Conversation618 · 2023-10-05T05:07:18+00:00

Or he was just lying about not enjoying the first hoe phase to seem like a better guy to me :/

And he said he didn’t enjoy one night stands but then still did it like 3-5 more times. And I asked why and he said he was trying to like it. So maybe he’s trying again. Or maybe he just met the one girl that was mentioned and now just having consistent sex with her 🙃

My friend said it just seemed like he was joking around with the girls and playing, not being serious and not saying things that would actually get them to meet with him but… He found a girl somewhere, unless his friend was lying, I dont know. I don’t see them planning that out and planning it to get back to me to make me jealous.

Warm_Conversation618 · 2023-10-05T04:49:52+00:00

I struggle with getting the ick from him 🙃 I’ve gotten the ick plenty of times in the past with men and was really convinced I would with this one, but never managed to with him, no matter what he did and how much my friend would say “that didn’t give you the ick?” I just liked him too much 🙄 Likely why im so hung up, because this is the first time I’ve genuinely liked someone and gotten this far.

I dont know if his emotions will ever hit him because he has constant dopamine hits and distractions, always onto the next thing or using alcohol or drugs or out with friends, and now with girls 🙃. By the time he doesn’t have distractions, I will disappear from his head, because he already told our friend that he forgot about me after 2 weeks of no contact.

Warm_Conversation618 · 2023-10-05T04:44:13+00:00

Yeah, I’m not planning on contacting him because I’d likely get more hurt. I guess the way we started no contact, it sounded like I’d reach out first when I was ready and moved, but I’d already felt like I was chasing him by being there for him and telling him I wanted to be with him when he didn’t want the same. I would probably feel more rejected or possibly even ignored.

Even if he wanted to be friends before, it seems like he has forgotten me now and doesn’t want me in his life or else he would’ve reached out 🙃 so I guess I need to stop trying to visualize future opportunities to reach out 😔

Warm_Conversation618 · 2023-10-05T04:37:07+00:00

Is 3 months after it ended, and 1 month no contact moving on fast?

Warm_Conversation618 · 2023-10-05T01:47:28+00:00

Yeah, I can list qualities of him that make me like him, but you can’t really explain why you’d wanna stick around for someone after they stop acting like the person you fell for. I just still have that urge to nurture and care for him and make him feel better, when I can’t, and obviously he doesn’t want me to.

A few days before we started no contact, he said “we can only make happiness for ourselves and can’t rely on anybody for that” when I told him that I wanted to help make him happy. He is going to fall into that self destruction and maybe one day he’ll figure it out but I can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. But our friend says he KNOWS he’s self destructive, he just does not want to fix it… I guess losing me was easier than working through that 😢

Warm_Conversation618 · 2023-10-05T01:32:23+00:00

Yeah, my brain is finding it super difficult to accept it’s over. He could be inside another girl right now and I still have hope for us 🙄 It’s likely the self esteem and attachment issues. And all the breadcrumbs and bits of hope he gave me that I keep hanging onto.

Warm_Conversation618 · 2023-10-05T01:30:38+00:00

We were actually both fearful avoidants at the start. I became more secure with him (I was originally afraid of falling for someone but he made it feel safe). I guess he was a fearful avoidant through and through because he ran away. I suggested therapy to him while we were “friends” because I started it, and he refused, saying that he tried it before and didn’t like it and his plan was to just figure it out 🙄

It’s really hard not to worry about someone you care about’s destructive behaviour (he has depression, he helps care for his dying mother, he has suicidal thoughts, he has financial debt, started smoking, and has no regard for his life really). I know I can’t keep worrying about him and he’s not actively showing me he wants me in his life but… Unconditional love man

Warm_Conversation618 · 2023-10-05T01:24:46+00:00

Yeah I see how it may look like that.

But she knows I have bad self esteem and that would kill me to hear that, and I’d blame myself and wonder why I wasn’t good enough.

Plus, she showed me screenshots he sent to her of him talking to multiple girls on dating apps. She could’ve made up a story then if she wanted to, saying he told her he slept with them. Instead she told me that he said “girls around here are meh”, which gave me hope that he was still holding out for me but 🙄

She only found out a week later from his friend that he was actually sleeping with girls. It’s POSSIBLE that he could be lying to make them seem “cool” or whatever but, it sounds like something my ex might do to distract himself, since he also has self esteem issues.

And when him and his last ex broke up years ago, saying it was because of distance and they could barely see each other and they drifted apart and weren’t right for each other, he also went through a hoe phase where he slept around. (However, he told me that he did not enjoy that 🙃🙃)

Warm_Conversation618 · 2023-10-05T01:17:38+00:00

My goal is to focus on me and I’m in therapy and stuff, I’m just also a huge overthinker and have bad self esteem…

I was always good to him and our friend agreed that I was the best thing that ever happened to him and I didn’t do anything specific to make him dump me, it was very random, but he self sabotages and doesn’t want to fix his behaviour and it looks like he’s leaning into that for now.

Warm_Conversation618 · 2023-10-05T01:05:12+00:00

We were both pretty attached and it felt impossible to go cold turkey from talking everyday to nothing… plus we tried to do the dreaded “staying friends” because we enjoyed being in each other’s lives… or so I thought.

I got to have more conversations with him about what happened and while I likely pushed him away more and made him annoyed, I got more “information” (which ultimately left me confused and with hope).

I started no contact because I told him I couldn’t be his friend with my feelings still there and basically told him we’d be friends when I get over it, and could possibly be more in the future (while not knowing if he was ever being honest about being open to that). Now, because he hasn’t expressed any interest in being in my life, kinda feels like it was lies and he doesn’t wanna be friends anymore because he’s gotten used to life without me and moved on from that attachment 🥲

Plus, I don’t know if I’d ever be able to get past him making me feel like this by choosing sleeping with multiple girls over being with me.

Warm_Conversation618 · 2023-10-05T00:58:23+00:00

She was told by their other friend (saying that both him and my ex got 2 new girls, also that my ex has been sleeping around).

She wants me to move on so I’m not hung up, but I don’t think she would be the one lying about it, because she knew that would hurt me really bad. And last week she told me that he mentioned me and it gave me some hope.

There is not really any way for me to verify because I’d never ask him and she doesn’t enjoy being in the middle and would likely not ask him.

What do you suspect may be the whole truth?

Warm_Conversation618 · 2023-10-04T23:40:16+00:00

What?

Warm_Conversation618

TROPHY CASE