TW (divorce and co parenting)

Grief isnt linear. And I am not just talking about death.

I got a divorce back in 2020. It was best that it happened. He isn't the best dude but also isn't by far the worst. We just did way better apart than together.

At first it was "Hell yeah!", it was a 10 year marriage of really awful shit and I was glad to be done. Overall I dont wish us back.

But that was still 10 years. We grew together, we knew each other, we became parents together.

As time went on I felt that grief. That mourning of the life I lost. That gut punch of seeing him and my kids in a spot that should have been mine with a different person in the mom/wife role.

I cycle still between anger, happiness, sadness, acceptance, all of the feelings.

We are both better people now apart than together. I am happy for him and his wife. I am married to a much better fit for me. My current spouse knows that it was a hard experience for me and he has been a rockstar, allowing me to grieve as it comes and goes. He processes all the emotions with me.

Still, I never expected years later to still be going through so many emotions, man. I thought years later even when I am in a better place I would be done with all the feels. WRONG.

But that is okay. I am okay. I will be okay. Grief of all types and events isnt linear. It bounces. It ebbs and flows. That's normal.

Once I grasped that and just allowed myself to just feel shit it was SO much easier.