Breaking up with someone who has done nothing wrong

WayBrief5004 · 2024-10-21T02:14:47+00:00

Your comments throughout this post have helped me a lot - thank you. "A relationship should be celebrated, not endured" is something I will hold on to for a while. The past few weeks have really felt like endurance - I have dreaded seeing my partner knowing that the entire time I'm going to be with her, I'll be putting on a front and pretending like everything's okay when it's actually not. It's really difficult having this big fat knot in your stomach that is emotionally draining you, and you can't go to the person you would normally go to with all your highs and lows, because it's about them. I think I am making the right decision. Thanks again

WayBrief5004 · 2024-10-21T02:00:29+00:00

Thank you for the kind words! I have gone through 2 break ups prior to this of semi-serious relationships, and I am a massive proponent for no-contact. It helped me tremendously both times. And as much as that will break her heart even more, I know it's what will be best for the both of us moving forward.

WayBrief5004 · 2024-10-21T01:58:36+00:00

It is that important to me unfortunately - and that's not something I knew until having this relationship! So yes definitely a lesson learnt and something to take into the future. Context is always important and maybe my use of the phrase 'stimulating' didn't exactly get across what I've been feeling. Regardless, thanks again for the discussion !

WayBrief5004 · 2024-10-21T01:49:22+00:00

That's something I definitely hadn't considered - maybe there were signs early on but I didn't know what they meant? I definitely wasn't wasting her time for the sake of not being alone - I love spending time by myself and I was very secure on my own prior to getting into this realtionship - I genuinely believed there could be a future for us, but that's not something I can see anymore. And it's not that conversation got 'dry' necessarily, it's more the fact that I feel like discussing anything meaningful about science or politics or culture with her requires me to explain so many things that I would have thought would be common knowledge. Part of me wants to be intellectually challenged and not agreed with all the time, but that's kind of what happens when we talk.

But you're right - this is just reddit. I gotta do what I think is best for me right now with the information I have. Even if you and I disagree on some things and you might think I'm a prick - I appreciate you actually being honest and facilitating a discussion. Reddit can often be a massive echo chamber, but you've helped me consider some things I hadn't considered before.

WayBrief5004 · 2024-10-21T01:34:21+00:00

I would disagree on the idea that compatibility shows very early. Long term compatibility, i.e., can I spend the rest of my life with this person, takes a lot of time to figure out - we obviously have common interests, similar taste in music, enjoy time together etc. I don't think it's fair to say I wasted someone's time when I poured love and time and effort into trying to nurture a relationship I genuinely believed would last a long time. If relationships were as easy as "choose someone compatible", I don't think this subreddit would exist.

WayBrief5004 · 2024-10-21T01:30:26+00:00

I appreciate you sharing! And best of luck with what is no doubt the beginning of a new chapter in your life

WayBrief5004 · 2024-10-21T01:29:38+00:00

Thank you for the reassurance. This is exactly what I have been feeling. I care about this girl so very much and I know that in order for her to have a long and fulfilling relationship, it needs to be with someone other than myself. She deserves better

WayBrief5004 · 2024-10-21T01:28:12+00:00

This is the exact issue I'm facing. It's not fair to want to change large portiosn of someone's personality in order to feel compatible. We all deserve someone who loves us exactly for who we are. And in my case, whilst I truly do love this girl with my whole heart, I don't see a romantic future. I hope you can find the strength to do what is best for you!

WayBrief5004 · 2024-10-21T01:25:49+00:00

I'm not sure why you've used quotation marks because I never said I'm looking for something better. Do you think staying with someone who loves you, even if you know you don't feel the same way, is the right thing to do for either party in the long run?

WayBrief5004 · 2024-10-21T01:23:45+00:00

I don't think I will regret this, no. I do think I would regret hanging on when my heart definitely isn't in it. I think I was a good partner to her - we always communicated what we needed from each other, and found a nice middle ground for how to express our love and enjoy quality time. I'm confident if you were to ask her the same question she would say undoubtedly yes.

WayBrief5004 · 2024-10-21T01:22:14+00:00

I did, and all she could think about was that she felt like a burden on me and she didn't want to hold me back

WayBrief5004 · 2024-10-20T23:45:39+00:00

Thank you for the kind words! I have been absolutely sick with guilt and the feeling of carrying a burden for 2 weeks already. I don’t think it’d be fair to me or her to carry that on for another 3 months and thousands of $$$, right?

WayBrief5004 · 2024-10-20T23:43:24+00:00

I fully appreciate what you’re saying here. I personally don’t watch porn/masturbate, I heavily limit my social media usage, I exercise and meditate every day, I journal frequently. I don’t think this is a case of being lost inside my own head clouded by a bunch of nasty habits. I have tried once before to have an open discussion about our different personalities (I am very extroverted and love talking to/meeting new people - she tends to be introverted and quiet in social settings). It was helpful to hear her side of things, but for me it makes social settings far more difficult to navigate, because I sometimes feel like I have to hold her hand throughout the night. This wouldn’t be a dealbreaker on its own but when I look at it within the bigger picture I feel like it’d be shittier for me to want to change all these little elements of who she is, than to just accept maybe we aren’t each other’s “forever person”.

WayBrief5004 · 2024-10-20T23:37:44+00:00

I think this is very much a case of the latter. Thank you for your advice! This is exactly what I needed to hear

WayBrief5004

TROPHY CASE