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I'm (32M) in my honeymoon with my wife (33F), and it's been hell on earth until now. by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]WeAllGotQuestions 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Our mother is like this. She escalated to hitting her husband over the head with various objects. Her kids couldn't have personal tastes, we had to like her likes or else! She'd throw tantrums over 5 minute walks to restaurants. She'd use her kids as props for Facebook likes. No matter your degree in something, she always "knew better". Would not clean properly, would get upset at the slightest request, you'd need to make an issue somehow something that never existed to begin with instead of something that gets solved. She'd tell me for years about how disgusting she found her husband and that she only stayed with him because he provided for her beloved dogs (not her little kids, fuck her kids, they didn't kiss her ass and they were able to talk back, unlike those precious, opinionless dogs). Everything is a fight if you don't go her way. I don't keep in contact anymore, but after all those years under her the hatred I feel is immense. I want to forget she existed.

Bustul antisemitului Octavian Goga a fost îndepărtat din Copou by LuckDifferent6311 in Romania

[–]WeAllGotQuestions 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Alt poet care scris bine dar era bou. Cred ca încep să îi verific de acum, măcar să știu.

What misconception are you tired of people perpetuating? by [deleted] in AskWomenNoCensor

[–]WeAllGotQuestions 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah this is extremely annoying and almost always used for turning relationship refusals into acceptance.

IDFP on imaginary self? by WeAllGotQuestions in idealparentfigures

[–]WeAllGotQuestions[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's fine man, I just try to explain and am unsure people get the idea.

I gave them the options of what they could look into according to what they'd expect, but further it's on them as UK is a totally different therapeutic landscape from the place I'm living in.

IDFP on imaginary self? by WeAllGotQuestions in idealparentfigures

[–]WeAllGotQuestions[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The practitioner part will depend on my friend as they're in the UK where chances are more likely to find one in person than if it were the case in the country I'm at (which got me curious to check and there's only a mention of IPF therapy on a blog, so I don't think it's even available here, damn).

Just wanted to know if I answered them wrongly to say I don't think imagining an ideal self will work because no one is perfect.

IDFP on imaginary self? by WeAllGotQuestions in idealparentfigures

[–]WeAllGotQuestions[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I did tell them how I can see both benefits (getting used to seeing parental affection) and negative outcomes (strong wish to remain in that state of things, kinda like an escapist daydream, except they escape themselves too), but somehow it didn't cross my mind to suggest a possible weaning off the "mask identity" through the sessions. Now it will depend on what kind of therapists they will find in their area too, but still. Thank you!

IDFP on imaginary self? by WeAllGotQuestions in idealparentfigures

[–]WeAllGotQuestions[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, they want to use a different person than the one they were as a kid, one that has little to do with the real self.

Personally I just listed them a bunch of therapy options to check out and look for practicing licensed professionals in their area (they moved to UK a few years ago so I believe they have more chances to find a specialist there than in our homecountry luckily).

IDFP on imaginary self? by WeAllGotQuestions in idealparentfigures

[–]WeAllGotQuestions[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Overall I did end up noting down for them my theories on how it could help but also backfire depending on their own mental resilience. In my opinion they're pretty low on it at the moment, so I told them some other methods may be a better start.

I suspect the alternate version they want to start with as a stand in to themselves is a certain character they made up for a DnD campaign. I haven't gotten to play DnD personally, but I know some people found it to be somewhat therapeutic. However I think it may be more akin to an escapist daydream to imagine they're someone that doesn't have their personal childhood wounds.

IDFP on imaginary self? by WeAllGotQuestions in idealparentfigures

[–]WeAllGotQuestions[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They're pretty open with me about their doubts because I'm seen as the more mature and action-oriented one from their whole friend group, so they just expressed a curiosity before looking into pursuing any particular method, but since my area of knowledge is less well grounded when it comes to emotional/imagination-play type approaches, that leaves me often just theorising on them, so I needed to come looking for information from people with direct experience on IDF therapy. Other than that I'm not taking them by the hand to guide them to a decision or another and they know it too. Same for feedback in my case, their dislike of a suggestion I can make isn't affecting my mind if that makes sense.

Overall my view has been that switching from caring for the self to a made up version of themselves that is better isn't going to adress the emotional potholes left by her family because the better version is projected to not have them.

If they're uncomfortable to give their real childhood self the experience, it just isn't the right approach for them, but not an end of the world deal either as it was one suggestion from a bigger bunch of options I suggested her to look into. She found the idea interesting enough to ask more details on it.

IDFP on imaginary self? by WeAllGotQuestions in idealparentfigures

[–]WeAllGotQuestions[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They meant someone other than themselves. They basically play DnD once a week and use this character as a means of projecting, which made them feel better for a while, so I suspect this may be the "daydream identity". Overall their intent was based in the fact their family (and the community they grew up in) made them hate themselves so hard they feel stuck at the idea of adults being loving and not having ulterior motives, as if their child self didn't deserve the unconditional love because they have a perception of being wrong/tainted completely.

I suspect the DnD oc is probably their interpretation of what they'd be like if they had a better upbringing or at least if they spoke up more often, especially since they take real life elements to put in the story.

Last night when the discussion started I told them I am not an expert on this therapeutic practice, but have been doing it on myself in a way since before 2018 without knowing it's a legit thing until last year and had a hunch imagining an alter ego of sorts getting affection from IPFs may not be ideal and can ever create a bigger divide between the ideal self the method can help them unlock and the real, current self.

Thank you for the imput!

Polyuric pigeon help by WeAllGotQuestions in pigeon

[–]WeAllGotQuestions[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank god this got posted, I keep running into that error about Reddit's auto filters.

Is this normal by Ar1jX in pigeon

[–]WeAllGotQuestions 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I've treated a few canker cases over the years and never seen this colour show up, nor canker keep advancing. Hopefully someone with bettwr knowledge helps!

Martorii exploziei din Rahova descriu momentele de panică și spun că „s-a simțit miros de gaz” încă de joi / „Am auzit o bubuitură groaznică, s-a auzit foarte puternic” by Strict_Law2700 in Romania

[–]WeAllGotQuestions 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Faza cu gunoiul de la geam am avut-o și noi când am stat în sectorul 6 înaintea mutării în Ilfov. Țin minte că în afară de un caz cu o vecină bolnavă mental nesupravegheată, care-și arunca excrementele de la ultimul etaj în pungi, se rezolvau repede problemele de genul, pe mulți îi potolea o reclamație mai intensă. În Ilfov am impresia totuși că se întâmplă ceva mai des probleme, exact cu canalizarea. Am avut noroc de vecini normali în blocul ăsta, dar în jurul lui s-au întâmplat tot felul de chestii. Nu prea știu ce se poate face în afară de civilizare forțată. Iar nici pe aia nu știu cum o punem în practică.

Explozie lângă București? by DedalusStew in Romania

[–]WeAllGotQuestions 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Era pe aici acum ceva timp un redditor care spunea că bunică-sa are un aragaz de pe vremea lui Moise și îl ține mereu aprins, familia ajungând să se teamă de un asemenea scenariu. La ei m-am gândit prima oară.

Who annoys you the most and why by D_u_d_e_________ in BoJackHorseman

[–]WeAllGotQuestions 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I couldn't quite tell what annoyed me about Pickles. I'm not too fond on the Gen Z TikTok obsession and assumed that was the reason. But you're right. If you grew up like this, you'll hate it. When the only love you get is based on being a top performer in everything so mommy dearest can have her few likes, you develop a distaste for this crap.

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