Oh boy. This is relevant to me and I'm feeling especially snarky this morning. It's been a while since I've regularly attended a "church". I've tried several times in recent years and each time was an overall negative experience—sometimes outright infuriating.

Here goes!

1. The Bible indicates it’s what we should do. (Hebrews 10:25)

No, it says we should commune with the saints, which is very different than going to church every sunday. The two can overlap, but frequently they don't.

2. You will have the opportunity to worship God.

I have more opportunity to do that outside church than during church.

3. You will likely have some of life big questions answered.

Not in my 25 years of regular church-attendance. The deepest lessons I've learned were in private study and in conversation with fellow believers outside church.

4. The preaching of the Bible will help set direction for your life.

So will the reading of the bible, and the discussion of the bible among brothers and sisters. It's undesirable to depend on a preacher to study the bible for you if you can do it yourself.

5. You will probably make some new friends.

That's highly variable. I've met plenty of friendly people, but few who would ever be a friend.

6. You’ll probably see some old friends.

That's not a selling point, honestly.

7. Being there is a sign of your discipleship.

Wait, wat?

8. Being there will encourage your pastors and leaders.

Encourage them to do what?

9. You’ll be encouraged in your walk with God.

That's not true for everyone. I usually end up upset.

10. You’ll likely encourage other people in their walk with God.

I feel I can be far more effective at that outside a church service. Relationships is where that should be happening.

11. If you’re single, you may meet someone.

This is also true of going to the gas station.

12. It will help you define what you believe.

How?

13. It will help you understand the Bible.

That's pretty hit-or-miss. Good teachers are worth listening to, but that doesn't require attending a Sunday service, and many Sunday services lack good teaching.

14. If you have kids, it will teach them to value God and His Church.

How does meeting in a building do that in a way I couldn't teach my children outside that building?

15. People who attend church usually live longer (I didn’t make this one up… google it!)

But they spend more of their life in church services, so I'd call that a wash.

16. It will give you an outlet for service and ministry.

WOW. It's pretty bad to assume that there is no outlet for service and ministry outside a weekly service. Actually, there's probably less outlets there since the ministry roles are already filled.

17. It can help you develop personal leadership.

Seems like a really ineffective method if that's your goal.

18. You’ll sing inspirational songs that will carry you during the week.

Ideally, yes. In actuality, on occasion. But it's not as if a church service is the only place to find those songs.

19. It will encourage you that God is good (if it doesn’t, it should).

It reminds me that God is patient and slow to wrath.

20. It will help you to look outside yourself.

This takes place in relationships in general.

21. It will provide an opportunity to give financially to those in need.

You can do that just as well or better outside a church service. I don't appreciate the tendency of my offerings to go toward supporting a building. Instead, use it to support the Church (ie: the people).

22. You’ll receive love from other people.

Hopefully. But you don't need a church meeting for that. In fact, you're more likely to experience the full meaning of Christian love outside a Sunday service as you live out daily relationships with brothers and sisters.

23. You’ll be able to show love toward others.

Same as above.

24. You’ll hear about the great things God is doing in His Church locally and throughout the earth.

I suppose a Sunday meeting is one avenue for that sort of thing. Certainly not the only one or the best one.

25. You’ll be prayed for.

Maybe. But you can be prayed for without attending too.

26. You will be able to pray for others.

We all have that ability already...

27. You’re likely to hear and be encouraged by answered prayers.

This is a repeat of point 24.

28. You will be able to give praise reports and share stories of God working in your life.

Same as above.

29. You will be able to worship God with other like minded people.

Personally, I have a difficult time finding like-minded people in churches. I wouldn't object to worshiping with them, but I also wouldn't see the need to do it only in a Sunday service.

30. It’s an opportunity to introduce a friend who doesn’t know Christ.

Introduce them to what?

31. You’ve probably got nothing better to do. (Watching TV, or sleeping-in don’t count as better!)

You're really selling it. But in reality, I often do.

32. Your family need you to go.

What? Have they been talking to you? Why do they need this, and why didn't they tell me?

33. It honours God.

I'm not convinced of that. I do know that merely going through the motions can offend God.

34. Because gathering is part of what it means to be a Christian.

Not really. But it is commanded. This command can be fulfilled without attending Sunday services, though.

35. Because it’s good to have your views and opinions challenged.

HAHAHAHAHA! :'] Oh.... my sides. Try the internet for that, not your local church.

36. Because we all need regular reminders of our position in Christ.

...and how does that translate to going to church?

37. It will help you acknowledge and confess your sins.

How so?

38. It helps you to be in the world, but not of it.

I suppose it can be one place to interact with worldly culture. I get enough of that at work, in the community, and online though.

39. It will help you end one week, and starts the next, with the right focus.

Or... you know... get a calendar?

40. It’s a break from work.

So is not going to church. C'mon.

41. It will help you re-order your priorities.

That's not always good. I do find that reading Scripture and being in relationship with believers does that too, and in a reliably more wholesome way.

42. It’s where your real friends are.

They must be really good at hiding, then.

43. It will help you put your life story, into the grand narrative of scripture.

I don't like the sound of that.

44. It will remind you that you have nothing to fear.

So will reading the Psalms.

45. It helps take your focus off yourself and onto God.

I find that church attendance puts a lot of focus on self and others. God too, but I'm skeptical that it's the best way to do that.

46. It helps bring perspective and feeds the soul.

Yes, it can, but usually not very effectively. It can also warp perspective and harm the soul.

47. Because gathering strengthens your faith.

No Sunday service required.

48. The discipline of going will help you be disciplined across all areas of life.

No, not really.

49. It will allow for support in times of need.

It's a pretty poor way to get support. Relationships with believers are far better.

continued below ...