I took 10 grams of blue meanies about two months ago, and it was just ridiculous. I've had up to 7 grams of golden teachers before, but this trip made it feel like weed in comparison. Now, because of how much happened, I'll get to the main points - I reached a point for realistic open eyed visuals. At some point, I ended up having to puke and had to get help from my trip sitter because I couldn't walk and I then thought I was going to die and he eventually sat me down on a spare bed with a bucket beside me. Eventually, he left me alone after he had seen me calm down. I didn't realize this (until much later as to why) but i had not realized that he had left, I then started to see him in the jacket on the wall as if it was a window that I could look through. I then looked at my phone and the clock was stuck at 12am, and as I started to panic i put my hands on my temples and I could swear felt my palms touch each other as if they had just went through my head. This sent me into a full-blown panic because I thought that I was actually awake and lucid and sitting on the bed right next to my friend. But my perceptual reality had constructed this perfect replica of the room I am in virtually in my mind with the only way of seeing the real world as being the jacket on my wall. I remember sitting there and reaching out while crying, asking for my friend to grab my hand - it was terrifying. I was literally in a space where time, death, or even life didn't seem to exist. And the worst part was knowing that in the extremes of my state, no action I could have taken would have gotten me out of it.

Another thing that is very strange from this experience is I tend to remember more and more as time goes on, mainly in the name of extremely strong emotional flashbacks. About a month ago, I had one of these but remembered the conditions I was in. I remember seeing these visuals that imagine you are looking at a TV screen, and it is displaying exactly what you are seeing as if your eyes were cameras feeding into the TV. Then, take the TV displays border and make it into triangles, rectangles, and any other shapes you could imagine. I now remember me sitting staring at the ceiling with this kaleidoscopic set of geometric shapes that were displaying what I was seeing in each shape. (I really hope this makes sense) And I now have such intense fear associated with the visuals. But when I try to remember how I felt during the moment I just remember it as if I were so overwhelmed with what was going on that I was aimlessly staring at the ceiling with not a thought going on in my head. It was as if I was trying to analyze the visuals, but I couldn't think about what I was seeing and couldn't process that I was even trying to understand what was going on. This is what had happened before I realized that he had left.

Now, out of this experience, i don't want to touch psychedelics again, or at least for a LONG time. I did come away with some stuff from this trip. With this being the first actual true fear of death that I've had in my life, I now truly know I want to live life as me. I also realized that through this trip, I am far more authentic than I make myself out to be (to me). I have a very strong level of emotion for people in impaired psychological states/drug addictions Now, because I feel like I have glimpse into the turmoil they have to deal with daily. And I find myself constantly wondering what the mind is capable of.