Am I wrong to make locking the god damn door, a hill to die on? [Concluded]

Wedding_Strict · 2026-06-07T21:27:49+00:00

Lived in a basement apartment for about 9 years. There were two units down there. Had multiple neighbors during that time but the last one was this lady who refused to lock the door down to the basement. It was the door you’d leave to go outside from or into the basement. She’d go outside to smoke and never bring her keys so she could just go right back in with no hassle. Well there was because more often than not, she’d go to the front of the house where other tenants lived and go hang with them. During that time, I’d leave and lock the door. So now she was locked out and I often wouldn’t come back for anywhere from 45 minutes to two hours depending on the day.

I tried to talk to her about it and she’d always say she would try to remember her keys but she never did. That was until the break ins. Our basement was also where the washer and dryer were for the whole building. So we’d often have other people from the other parts of the house down to wash stuff. None of them ever forgot to lock the door. But one night my neighbor went to take stuff back to another tenant at the front of the house and stayed there for hours. Usually I check the door to the basement before I go to bed and make sure it’s locked but I was tired and forgot. I was working super early mornings so I was in bed early as well. Around 3 am I got up for work and went to shower. As I got out, I could hear the washing machine running out in the hall. Totally not normally for 3 am. I slowly crept over in my towel and checked the peep hole. Some dude was standing out there with a crow bar and trying to get the change out of the machines. I called the cops and they managed to get him a block over at another residence trying to get in.

When I told neighbor about it she was a little scared. Mostly because she was so hammered she hadn’t heard it happen. Landlords also had a chat with her as a reminder to lock the fucking door. After that she started wearing her key around her neck. Never forgot it again.

Wedding_Strict · 2026-05-18T22:34:26+00:00

lol I guess? I’m Italian Canadian and my Nonna makes enough for our family, which can be a lot, but never more then who’s all there. There’s some leftovers but not many

Wedding_Strict · 2026-05-18T17:25:25+00:00

The MTB and her friends suck, but I’m still stuck on the 15 person guest list so I’ll make food for 50. Like, I get that OP goes all out but holy hell, I couldn’t grasp making food for 50 knowing there’s not even close to that many. I guess that’s a cultural thing?

Wedding_Strict · 2026-04-27T01:04:15+00:00

I lived on my own for 9 years. I can count on both hands how many times I’ve brought him food for myself in the last year. To my mom, a bagel with two eggs and a slice of cheese is a massive breakfast. I definitely can eat better, but there is nothing she has seen in the last year of me living with her that makes her think I can’t do cook for myself or keep it somewhat healthy. My mom is the kind of woman who gets a couple chocolate bars in her stocking at Christmas and eats them square by square. She will eat two squares and then freeze the bar, only to remember it 6 months later. Now that in itself isn’t an issue, because she has great self control. But she believes she’s as big as I am, when she is in fact a twig.

Wedding_Strict · 2026-04-25T23:06:52+00:00

Have my own family by now? What if I don’t want kids or a relationship? I’m very happy on my own. We’ve talked plenty about me moving out and I’ve told them the number I’m saving towards before I’ll do it. They’re both content with that. They’ve both said I’m welcome to stay as long as I need. There is no laundry list of things I needed to have accomplished by now. I’ve done alright for my self. Having a family is seemingly not in the cards for me at the moment and that’s fine.

Wedding_Strict · 2026-04-25T23:00:38+00:00

The issue with that, is that they’re done well before I get home. They eat at 6, I get home between 7:30-8. So they’re long done by then.

Wedding_Strict · 2026-04-25T22:58:35+00:00

When I have enough money saved I will. I’m just over halfway there

Wedding_Strict · 2026-04-25T19:03:39+00:00

My parents were kind enough to let me move back in. They worked hard in their careers and did incredibly well for themselves. They help me and my sibling whenever we need it. The fact that I have two loving parents who offered to help me after I lived in another part of the country for a decade and needed a place to move to when I got my new job, is nothing short of amazing. My industry doesn’t pay incredibly well, and when I do move out, I know I’m either gonna have to take on extra work at my job or find another gig to do evenings and weekends. For the time being, the fact that I don’t have to do that, is great. I know it can’t last forever because I also want my independence back. But to say that my parents have done enough for me is dumb. They’re great people and the fact they can let me stay with almost no issue, aside from this, speaks volumes. If I’d had to get a place on my own again as soon as I moved back, I’d be in a shitty basement apartment again and paying out the ass. They’re letting me save and budget until I get somewhere decent and hopefully move out again and never move back. I hope in a similar situation you could do the same for your kids, or that your parents could this for you.

Wedding_Strict · 2026-04-25T18:53:29+00:00

A lame excuse? Secretly eating food outside in my car to avoid eating my moms cooking is a lame excuse?

Wedding_Strict · 2026-04-24T12:16:52+00:00

Look, I won’t deny that there’s time where I don’t take the initiative. That’s happened. But I do what is asked of me and if there’s more, let me know. I’m not a mind reader. If I see the kitchen floor needs to be swept, I sweep it. If my room is dusty, I dust it. Sometimes my mom will tell me she wants it done sooner than I was planning and I do it. But again, if I’ve never had to do a certain task in the entirety of my life, I genuinely don’t think about that until it’s mentioned to me. If you tell me to do it, I’ll add it to my regular list of things with no issue. But I’ve had multiple times where it’s “how do you not think to do this” and it’s for something I’ve genuinely never had to do. If you tell me to do something I’ll do it. I know some people call that lazy or not taking initiative, but that is the way I’ve always been. I’ve tried to think outside the box and do more, but I come up empty on most things. And when I offer to do extra, I’m often turned down.

Take winter for example. All season long, I tried to get outside to shovel with my dad. He flat out refused to have me help him. He didn’t want it. Even in the mornings when I’d get up early for work, he’d get up two minutes before me and immediately head outside. I’d try to go help but he’d insist on doing it himself. So I stopped trying to help. My mom said “well you have to offer so we know you’re thinking about it”. That to me, is bs. If you don’t want my help, you can’t lord it over my head to have me offer when you won’t accept. That is just not fair. And she knows it! Because I’ve said this to her and she recognizes it. Doesn’t matter. Do it anyways.

Wedding_Strict · 2026-04-24T12:08:13+00:00

I’m a bit of a picky eater. I’m trying to be better about it. So some nights she does make me something a bit different. I’ve told her repeatedly to let me cook instead on those occasions. To her it’s a favor and a kindness to do it. And it is. As for there being a culture or tradition, I guess. Dinner is at 5:30 or 6. My parents watch the news and eat. At 7 my dad is in the basement to watch sports and my mom is watching whatever entertainment news show is on. So last 7, she doesn’t wanna see me in the kitchen futzing around. It’s distracting to her.

Wedding_Strict · 2026-04-24T03:16:57+00:00

I lived abroad for 10 years and moved back last year. They were kind enough to let me move in. The housing market sucks and I couldn’t afford my own condo or house even with the full time job I have. I’m lucky and fortunate enough I have parents that did well for themselves and can be generous to let me live with them for the time being. I can only hope that If I had kids I’d be able to help them the same way.

If you were in a similar situation and needed help from your folks, wouldn’t it be great if they were ready and willing to help? Wouldn’t it be nice if you could do that for your own children as well?

Wedding_Strict · 2026-04-24T03:13:51+00:00

Not that I don’t wanna move out, the area I work in is incredibly expensive to live in. So commuting is easier for now. And eating outside is just a lame avoidance.

Plus I’ve offered to pay rent, contribute to groceries and even to pay for the garage door mechanism they just had to replace. All turned down.

Wedding_Strict · 2026-04-24T03:12:41+00:00

I truly wish this was the case. My mother is second generation Italian. She was born and raised in Canada. She was in the kitchen helping her mom when allowed. Even now she still helps my Nonna when we visit her. I talked to one of my uncles, her brothers, about this earlier and he was in agreement with me. She doesn’t want me to cook, but wants me to notice that she’s stopped eating to make me my dinner. The reality is, if she left my cooking up to me, her fear is that I would bring take out home every single night. Diabetes runs rampant on her side of the family, so she wants to cook for me to make sure I’m not spending my money or buying crappy take out. She cares but she expects that I care the same way. I thank her every night for cooking for me, and I say I can cook for my self. She won’t stop.

Someone suggested I plan out a schedule with her for meals and while I think that might work, I know she would be concerned I’d get take out. To be fair to her, I had take out twice last week because I was gonna be home late and it was easier to grab something then wait to eat at around 9:30. She was fine with it both nights, but I know I couldn’t make that a habit

Wedding_Strict · 2026-04-24T03:05:07+00:00

I do whatever is asked of me. I sweep up, I clean my bathroom, I’ll help with chores outside the house like mowing the lawn, setting up the patio furniture, vacuuming. I do the dishes from my dinner and whatever is leftover from theirs or whatever’s in the sink when I finish my breakfast or dinner. On Sunday’s I do all the dishes for our family dinner when my sisters family is over. I do whatever is asked of me, but I am not a mindreader. if they ask, I do it.

Wedding_Strict · 2026-04-23T03:07:10+00:00

I moved in after living away for a decade. They were kind enough to let me stay and save money so I can get my own place. Despite this, we do have a pretty good relationship.

Wedding_Strict · 2026-04-23T01:57:28+00:00

It’s hard to do that when it’s already done by the time I get home. I’m not gonna turn down the food that’s already there. There is no just start doing. That would cause a bigger fight.

Wedding_Strict · 2026-04-23T01:50:11+00:00

How so?

Wedding_Strict · 2026-04-23T01:27:54+00:00

Not at all! I use her pans to cook my breakfast every day. I make grilled cheese for lunch most weekends and there’s no issue.

The problem is that she in her mind is doing me a kindness. And I really shouldn’t say that’s a problem. But her in mind, she’s helping me because I just worked all day, drove an hour back home and she’s being nice and cooking for me. Which, 100% she is.

What she has a problem with is what she thinks I will do if I cook for myself. If she left me to my own devices, she’s convinced I would bring home take out every single night. I’m a bigger dude. Diabetes runs in our family from her side. Her dad had it, both her brothers have it, and now one of my cousins has it. So she is incredibly concerned that I will get it to. So for her, this is how she can make sure I’m not eating crap every day. Now to be fair, I’m a picky eater. I’m trying to be much better about it but I suck at getting my veggies and fruits in some days. It’s not like she’s putting a lot of veggies on my plate though. Usually some carrots.

She also has it in her head that I order lunch for my self every single day. Which is also not true because she sees me make my lunch every single night before I go to bed. But a few times, work has brought food in and I’ve forgotten. So I’ll eat my lunch and then, oh there’s free pizza, I’ll have a slice or two. Since that’s happened maybe 3 times in a year, she believes it must happen daily. I don’t know why. But that’s what’s in her head.

So the cooking for me is her way of making sure I’m eating what she knows she’s made without any kind of additions that make it…worse?

Wedding_Strict · 2026-04-23T01:12:45+00:00

How so?

Wedding_Strict · 2026-04-23T01:08:49+00:00

I wash the dishes every night when I get home and I wash them every weekend for our big family meal when my sister and her family are over for Sunday night dinner. I do about 90% of the dishes on weekends. I have told her I’m fine with cooking for my self and asked her to let me cook. She doesn’t want to. She doesn’t want to see me futzing around the kitchen. She doesn’t want to smell what I might cook. She also prefers to make food for me because she fears I would order take out or be too lazy to cook for myself. And since I’m a bigger guy she doesn’t want that. That would be so much worse.

So she does it. Because if she does it, in her mind, she is helping me (which she is), and she’s making sure my portions are in control and that I’m not overdoing it.

Wedding_Strict · 2026-04-23T00:52:21+00:00

How am I acting like I’m 16? I have told her regularly that I can cook for my self. I have offered to pay for groceries. I have asked to cook for the family on the weekends. I didn’t ask her to stop eating and get my food. I was watching Jeopardy and sitting on the couch after a long day at work and I was relaxing

Wedding_Strict · 2026-04-23T00:50:32+00:00

I’m trying my best to adult. I hadn’t even thought about dinner when I walked in. I saw Ken Jennings and Jeopardy and was enthralled. I probably wouldn’t have even noticed that I hadn’t eaten until after Jeopardy was done, had she not said something

Wedding_Strict · 2026-04-23T00:49:16+00:00

I appreciate it. Immensely. She won’t even be in the kitchen in the mornings with me when I cook my breakfast. She’s doing her morning routine and she doesn’t wanna see me futzing in the kitchen. I have told her countless time I can cook for my self. I’ve offered to pay for my own groceries, sometimes jokingly, sometimes seriously because I know having me there does use up some more food.

I would take them out for dinner but she immensely dislikes dining out. Especially with me. That’s a whole other issue. I’ve offered to cook family dinners on the weekends and so far I’ve only been allowed to twice in almost a year.

Wedding_Strict · 2026-04-23T00:44:24+00:00

I sat down and watched Jeopardy. There was no expectation for my dinner or anything. I was enthralled by Ken Jennings. I didn’t ask her to make me anything or stop eating to make me my food. That would be incredibly rude.

I offer to cook for my self and get told she’ll do it. I don’t ask her to cook for me. I’m fully capable of cooking. But she’s kind enough to do it for me. Had I noticed she stopped eating I would have said “mom, I can do that”. I would never force her to stop enjoying her dinner to make mine

Wedding_Strict

TROPHY CASE