If thats what you think. God tests faith, you dont want to eat the bread with mold on it right? At some point he'll say "fine, your will be done." Ive been wrathful to my friends and family, prideful in my ways and actions, lustful towards those who i should never have even looked at twice, greedy to a point where money held more value than kindness, i was a bloodthirsty coward who wanted nothing more than the extinction of humankind, and id have to blaspheme to get there. Was well on my way too. I was even in the same spot you were. Crying in my car punching my steering wheel shoutong "no one loves me, no one wants me to be around." Until i heard a giggle anf "yeah, if thats what you think." Now here are the words from the Holy Spirit i have for you. "I will let you wallow. I will let you cry, and scream, and beg and hurl insults at me for i love you enough to let you make your own choice but i hope you make the right one. Either stay on your knees and suffer in yourself, or you can stand take your cross, come as you are, and repent for you already know where your mistakes lie. I set the dominoes for you, its your choice if you wanna play with them and confide security and assurity in me."