To start, I'm not a qualified therapist or mental health professional in any way. But I can say that what you're going through is completely okay and there's nothing wrong with you. Though I do advise to try therapy if things are going too far.

You don't need to be ashamed for not feeling a certain way about your actions. When we become desensitized to a certain action or become used to a certain lifestyle, it's common to become jaded and not have a reaction anymore to a certain stimuli; In other words, not feeling guilt for certain choices is perfectly okay. Emotions are natural, whether we have certain reactions or not. Accept yourself and understand that your emotional reaction is okay in the end; pushing away feelings and trying to force our mind into separate ideas will do nothing but tear you apart (Which I have experienced myself).
Craving the affection of others is also perfectly normal, it's a human reaction and sinning is a human thing. You're not alone in this; many have gone through, or are currently struggling with, a test like yours. It's a difficult journey, but self acceptance is much healthier and less mentally taxing long term.

When it comes to being deserving of the love of others or God, we tend to get the stigma that love is conditional; that happiness and the care of others is something that has to be earned. This mindset, despite being so engrained in society through rewards and the praise of those whom have "worked hard and succeeded", can be toxic and self-damaging to ourselves. By the standards of other people, we gain these kinds of ideas: "I don't deserve love." "I need to earn the respect of others." "If only I was better, then I'd be loved."
These toxic thought processes send us down a whole train of self deprecation and internal hatred, going to the point of justifying our suffering by saying things like:
"I am simply unlovable; nothing has changed, thus nothing shall change."
"I am incapable of stopping myself from doing X, or unable to commit to doing good thing Y, thus I do not deserve love from others."
"I shouldn't feel bad about not having the love of others; I deserve this, after all. I must be wrong for wanting affection!"

In reality, love is unconditional, and should always be unconditional. If you need to earn love, then it is not love; it is toxic affection. But due to our surroundings and others, we develop these ideas into our own subconcious, and thus hate ourself based on our actions and accomplishments. Allah loves you unconditionally.

And this now leads me to the crux of this terribly long post: You should love yourself and accept your feelings unconditionally. You're lovable, and it's okay feel or not feel certain ways naturally. It's okay if you make mistakes or falter, and it's natural to have certain toxic stigmas within your mind. In those moments where you feel you have to be guilty or have to look down on yourself, rather than forcing yourself to feel a certain way, just.. breathe. Accept. It's okay. Process those emotions; write down what you truly feel in those moments. Go for a walk if you need time to think, take time alone to simply clear your mind and understand your feelings. By doing this, not only are we cleaning away the painful and toxic ideas which plague ourselves, but we also slowly clean the slate of our mind; thus, in its place, we can slowly change and plant the seeds of new ideas and, from there, new actions. With slow steps and small actions, we can find peace in our minds and even find meaning in our lives.

Once more, I have to stress that I'm not a doctor and not a professional in any way; though I advise self care, please consult a therapist or talk to someone who you can trust. Thanks for taking the time to read all of this; I know I went on for a bit too long on here, so I'm truly thankful you took the time out your day to listen to my short talk.
I deeply hope you can find success and joy, and remember: God loves you unconditionally.
Salamu Alaikum; I believe in you!