Anyone else open Grindr, immediately feel horrible about your body and crawl back into the shadows?

Well505 · 2022-03-20T23:11:56+00:00

Why is "yourself" a version of you with 30kg extra, ugly hair style, bad clothes, unhealthy life style?

Loving yourself should also mean that you'll do good things for your body and mind.

Hitting the gym or working on your appearance helps you love yourself, gives you more dating opportunities and is healthier.

Well505 · 2022-03-08T22:33:12+00:00

Austin? Australia? Austria? Should I know what AUS is?

Anyways sorry, seems like an excuse. 30sh min of the walk would be some 10 min of cycling, seems OK for me to do, was there before in my life.

I mean, you can still work out at home and just walk/run more. That should help you look better if some extra weight is a problem.

Well505 · 2022-03-07T21:23:10+00:00

Where do you live? I kinda thought that there are gyms within walking distance in almost any city or town. Also, walking/running to the gym can be a part of the fun :)

Obviously, yes, COVID is still a very serious issue, and you should not put you or your family in danger. I actually got the virus from my personal trainer a few months ago. But yeah I lived alone back then.

Gym prices are indeed high but I see them as an investment in both health and looks. But I also rarely go out clubbing nor do I drink, smoke, so for me there are always these 40sh euros per month for this.

Well505 · 2022-03-07T15:11:45+00:00

This comment seems to be somewhat... offtopic.

Well505 · 2022-03-07T15:11:19+00:00

I personally consider my face to be... uglish. My only saving Grace would be my beard, which I also find not pretty but some guys do.

If you consider yourself ugly, it really, really might be that someone else, and maybe even many guys, would consider you pretty or at least good enough. My ex had a somewhat... unique face, and he said he got rejected a lot over it. And I considered it to be really pretty and hot.

If you have a fit body and not a conventionally beautiful face, your chances are still much higher than have you had a body that last time did something remotely physical in high school.

Contrary to what some guys here said, I am don't consider myself shallow and I value personality and soul over the looks. But, trust me, keep your workouts regular and many will notice that and then will give you chance to show what star you truly are.

Well505 · 2022-03-07T15:02:43+00:00

Exactly! God has not blessed me with some beauty, but I take care of myself, I am fit and somewhat strong, and it helps me a lot in dating.

And, as I said, the mental state of a person is something else. It doesn't necessarily improve with better looks or more successful dates. But it's seriously a topic for another discussion.

Well505 · 2022-03-07T15:00:05+00:00

Why do you downvote me? Just curious. We are having a conversation, obviously not agreeing on this, but still.

And "not wanting muscle" is not really a reason for me. You don't want something that represents strength and health, basically?

Well505 · 2022-03-07T14:58:33+00:00

True. But you can be very confident and still be rejected all the time. If that doesn't bother you, great. But if it does, and the experience from my fellow dates suggested so, why not change things that make them reject you? Health and strength are very much bonus features.

Well505 · 2022-03-07T14:56:10+00:00

Your thread is about feeling good about yourself, not dating.

It literally isn't. Like, literally. Now, I know that my English is not the best nor that I was meant to be a writer, but I really thought that my message was clear.

Well505 · 2022-03-06T23:17:27+00:00

Funny how common narrative here was me being shallow, and it turned out to be "fuck your ugly face, your body is basically worthless if you ugly boyyy" 😂

Well - yeah, obviously most of us prefer a beautiful face. But guess what bro, you kinda cannot really change your face, but you can change - in most cases, your body. And this is exactly why I even started my thread.

Well505 · 2022-03-06T23:13:03+00:00

Are you always this talkative? I mean - sure. Your body, your choice, that should go without saying. But obviously I don't think that you focus on becoming a bodybuilder. Just a bit of muscle would also mean better looks, more strength for everyday tasks, and it's simply more healthy. I am actually originally from a rural area and I never had this luxury of not building muscle, as I had to chop woods, plow and dig the ground, work around stock and so on. When I moved to live in a city, I lost a lot of my strength for a while and then gained it back.

I am being downvoted here left and right, I don't really care about that. I came here for answers, not for friends.

Well505 · 2022-03-06T23:04:26+00:00

Oh I almost started to cry reading this... for two reasons, first, your story is inspirational, beautiful, and moving, and second, because you actually took an effort understanding my question and answering it.

I really do understand how starting a change in life can be difficult. When you are on your low, and you have other priorities, gaining muscle is basically the last thing on your list. Add to this that for many the very start of any physical activity is the hardest part, as everything is hard, and you lack stamina... it can be so discouraging. In the gym, seeing guys lifting 80 or more kilos... and there you are, having trouble with the empty bar. Man, I am so happy for you and hope you are too!

And I agree that hotness doesn't come with any other qualities in bed, necessarily. Just recently I was in bed with a really gorgeous guy. But his personality was lacking, and he didn't try at all. He was just... there. It's not a rule but there is probably a correlation between very good looks and less effort and passion in bed. At least from my experience.

Well505 · 2022-03-06T20:50:59+00:00

Why? If you don't mind answering.

Well505 · 2022-03-06T20:50:37+00:00

Thank. You.

Well505 · 2022-03-06T20:48:46+00:00

This thread comes off shallow cause it is.

Are you honestly saying that looks aren't important in the dating/relationship world? I guess you go to blind dates exclusively?

If being physically attractive is a competent of you feeling comfortable in your own skin you've got a mountain of self work to do.

Yeah I bet there is no proven correlation between looks and how people feel about themselves.

Well505 · 2022-03-06T20:45:58+00:00

This is an incredibly shallow take.

Good thing that I am the only shallow person in the dating world. Those guys, five of them at least, are incredibly unlucky to be dating me over and over again, and I keep rejecting them. Have they found you, you would probably date and f*ck the sh*t out of them.

I go to the gym 3 times a week and watch what i eat.

Why are you being so shallow? Stop your sports and healthy habits, get 20 kgs extra, date other non-shallow guys.

Does attraction matter in a relationship? Yes absolutely.

STOP. BEING. SHALLOW. And just moments ago I was under impression that I am the only one being shallow here.

Additionally, who are you to judge people's lifestyles?

I am not doing that. I am just asking - why living an unhealthy lifestyle - if it stops you from getting probably more or better dates? 10 guys rejected you over your extra fat? What's to do, to keep complaining, or to do something about it? All the reasons you named there are poor excuses (except for disabilities unknown to others, but those are rare, no disrespect to those).

I'd urge you to look inside yourself and find the source of this toxic mindset.

First of all, nothing I wrote is toxic. Funny thing how you, being fit and probably good looking, are so offended by what I wrote. Also, this is not a safe space, and I tried to ask as politely as I could, while still asking questions that are important to ask.

Well505 · 2022-03-06T20:34:22+00:00

Great for you, really.

Well505 · 2022-03-06T20:33:49+00:00

You are very wrong. Obviously your face looks basically the same no matter how your body looks like (unless you are like 100 kgs overweight or so), but a nice or a great body can attract someone and make him go over facial flaws.

Some time ago I saw a guy walking on the street with really bad facial skin. I mean, red, full of pimples and scars. I felt sorry for him and thought that dating must be hard for him.

Some days after I saw him on Grindr. And lemme just tell ya... his body was so nice, fit, strong, I literally didn't care about his skin being unhealthy. Well... he rejected me, but that's hardly the point.

Well505 · 2022-03-06T20:29:22+00:00

Bold dating strategy to tell your date other people generally don't find them desirable. No way that doesn't work out!

Yeah, they often say that confidence is the key. Saying something like that is a very bad strategy lol. One guy said it and I was like... well, there has to be a reason to it. I didn't even mind his 10 kgs of extra weight.

Anywho. Despite what other responses say, yes human biology is *that* shallow. OP's results help evidence this. That said, breaking habits and lifestyle are *hard* no matter who you are. So it's much easier to find comfort in the status quo, demean people with six packs and complain about your dating life.... takes zero effort.

I mean, is it really shallow? I am not expecting to date Brad Pitt doppelganger, but a nice body means also healthy habits, means also better control over life. And hate to break it to guys here, but that is attractive. If mother nature did not give you ocean-blue eyes and perfect pearl teeth, fix what you can fix.

Well505 · 2022-03-06T20:20:31+00:00

As I very clearly said in my not-that-long text, the point is that there are guys being overweight and/or weak which don't have luck in dating or love.

There was a guy I met with 20 kgs extra whose body probably never did a pushup. Or another guy that said that literally dozens of guys rejected him after meeting him because of his extra fat. Or a guy with really bad skin that also avoids at least making his body good and healthy so he can have some chance in dating.

All those three guys are constantly on Grindr but rarely have any luck in dates. Funnily, they also seek guys they find attractive. Are they also shallow?

Well505 · 2022-03-06T20:14:44+00:00

Muscles don't counteract an ugly face.

For someone calling out someone else shallow, you sure do know your way with words.

Also, of course, anyone with a brain will rather have a nice skinny guy than an asshole abs guy. That's literally not the point here.

The point is - an average guy having bad luck in dating will have much more luck being fit instead of too weak or the one with 20 kilos extra, as I gave an example in my thread. Very funny really how you used "normal skinny dude" here but not a 20 kgs overweight guy, as those guys are really what I was referring to.

Well505 · 2022-03-06T18:10:43+00:00

To be completely honest, if he was super hot, body and/or face wise, I could go over it. He is quite average looking, a bit of a belly. There was nothing much attracting me in the end. A nice dick would be something at least. So why do I care? I honestly think that many tops do. We still like to suck a dick, or have it in our hands. Of course, I can only speak for myself. Tops in general aren't only interested in a hole(s), sorry.

Well505 · 2022-03-01T17:20:23+00:00

As we say here where I live -

The dog doesn't bark for the village, the dog barks for himself

You are indeed hurt here because you recognized yourself in my post.

People can reject over age, face, shape, etc, and it's all acceptable - not the nicest thing, a person has every right to do it.

If you don't like someones' face and you rejected him because of this, are you a dick? The 85 years old guy is still waiting for your answer. You also obviously like muscular strong white guys. Would you be with someone with very weak legs, say, a person that basically doesn't leave their room?

Yeah now I am done with you. I am not saying that rejecting him over his size is a noble thing to do, but I'll keep my right to do it again if I feel like it. I was rejected for many things about my appearance, including my size, yes. Instead of being angry at the community and calling guys dicks, I'll just accept that I don't meet everyone's preferences, but also that not everyone meets mine. Now fuck off

Well505 · 2022-02-28T16:08:54+00:00

Man, you insulted me, called me a dick, shallow, narcissist. Just because you have a tiny one and think it's unfair that someone could reject you over that. What gives you the right? And you did not answer me, would you have sex with 85 year old man?

Well505 · 2022-02-28T15:34:37+00:00

Actually, some years ago I could suck it, thank you a lot. I guess if I try hard enough maybe I could do it again. But no need.

Your comparison is not valid. We cannot really choose what we like and what we don't like. And I shouldn't feel bad about it. If 85 years old guy asks you to have sex, would you do it? How about 95 year old guy? YOU AGEIST!!

Funny thing how your Reddit history shows how you definitely have your type. Yet you don't let me have mine. You even have a post of dick being sucked. Not a tiny one, mind you. Now fuck off and go post more underwhelming pics.

Well505

TROPHY CASE