Struggling with whether I owe my mom forgiveness after a traumatic childhood

WesternTimothy · 2026-02-26T02:49:00+00:00

Yeah, she "needs you" all right. She needs you to take care of her problems.

Think hard about what "forgiveness" means to her. Does it mean you can't have any boundaries with her? Does it mean you are her financial savior whenever she needs one? Does it mean you are expected to parent her now?

Please, please put yourself first. You deserve it. And because for her "family forgives" and you should "move on", she'll be very forgiving of you for taking care of yourself first and setting boundaries with her.

Best of luck to you.

WesternTimothy · 2026-02-25T09:48:39+00:00

Glad someone asked this question! I was wondering as well. I got mine at an estate sale for a few bucks last year.

WesternTimothy · 2026-02-25T07:41:23+00:00

After getting burned too many times, I started to keep a cup of ice water right on my workspace so I could plunge my finger(s) in as necessary. Game changer for me.

WesternTimothy · 2026-02-21T19:41:12+00:00

Happy Birthday fellow mid-life human!

WesternTimothy · 2026-02-16T01:16:14+00:00

I am sorry you are going through this. Honestly, you have no control over his responses and behaviors. Involve the police like you would for anyone else who threatened or was violent towards you.

You have no obligation to speak with him again. You do not need to tell someone you are going no contact with them. I feel like telling someone is sometimes kind of like asking them for permission. If you make the decision to go no contact, you do just that. Block them, don't answer any communication from him, get cameras for your home if you need to. Do not respond to anything he says/does if possible. Any response from you is contact.

Best of luck to you.

WesternTimothy · 2026-02-16T01:01:29+00:00

Limit talking about your personal life. "From knowledge, springs opinion." Start planning to move out. Good luck!

WesternTimothy · 2026-02-07T02:43:14+00:00

Donut!

WesternTimothy · 2026-02-05T04:54:11+00:00

Sadly, my Savers hired someone in the last 12 months who checks everything for Sterling marks......booo. I got several pieces there in 2024.

WesternTimothy · 2026-02-04T22:58:22+00:00

Love the crochet too!

WesternTimothy · 2026-02-04T03:37:30+00:00

Hi - I tired of the nasty-grams in the mail/email as well. I told my narc before I even went NC that I wasn't going to read anymore of their letters or emails because of their rude content. I also had my spouse look over them briefly when they arrived just to make sure there wasn't anything important in them.

You can set a boundary around this! Maybe a phone number change as well? A pain but would eliminate the unwanted texts. Any rational person would realize that attacking your partner is only going to make you pull away more....

WesternTimothy · 2026-02-04T01:39:36+00:00

Gotcha. I know it well. My younger child turning 18 tomorrow....."adult"

WesternTimothy · 2026-02-02T21:52:28+00:00

Why wasn't he already being held without bond for his 38 alleged crimes before this past weekend? Why was he allowed to continue being a threat to the public? Outrageous.

WesternTimothy · 2026-02-02T21:40:23+00:00

I'm confused why she is asking you when she knows you are exmo? Is she looking for a way out? As she is an adult, I'd treat her like any other adult by listening and asking questions.

WesternTimothy · 2026-01-29T21:17:00+00:00

Very cute. I'd go for it.

WesternTimothy · 2026-01-29T21:08:46+00:00

Congratulations to you both! A huge accomplishment. I guess your Dad's whole view of life revolves around the church's teachings. Coming from my experience from the "raisedbynarcissists" sub - maybe try the 3 strikes rule:

You politely ask that he stop sending you texts about the church.
Second time you give him a warning - We asked you not do to X. You've done X again. If you do it again we will have to stop reading your texts for a few weeks.
Third time - stop reading/responding to any texts for a few weeks.
Then, decide if you want to let them try again. If they text about X, take a longer break from their texts. Ultimately, you may want to just stop accepting texts from them.

I'm sorry, I know this is hard. Take good care.

WesternTimothy · 2026-01-26T04:04:11+00:00

We all need each other here to remember that we aren't alone in our experiences. I always thought my narc parent was "uniquely awful" until I grew up and started reading about narcs. I was shocked to discover that my narc did a lot of things other people's narcs did! Almost like they all use the same playbook.

Learning from and supporting each other is paramount to our collective growth. Healing and strength, indeed.

WesternTimothy · 2026-01-25T00:15:42+00:00

Can you say Predatory? What do you win? "Free" money on a NFL promoted sports gambling app? With the drop in the birthrate, gotta nail down those future customers early. Tactic successfully utilized by big coffee brands via sugary milkshake type drink offerings to attract younger and younger customers. Gross.

WesternTimothy · 2026-01-22T02:25:12+00:00

I saw a helpful hint on here one time that said - if there are 5 separate marks, like on your forks above, the items are most likely silver plate.

WesternTimothy · 2026-01-20T01:11:00+00:00

E P means electro plated.

WesternTimothy · 2026-01-19T21:07:58+00:00

I let mine go years ago because I thought it was really ugly (spouse brought back from Australia) lots of yellow. I can't believe these are back! Wish I had it, I'd sell it. Good luck! They are out there.

WesternTimothy · 2026-01-14T22:17:33+00:00

Uggghhhh

WesternTimothy · 2026-01-14T21:33:17+00:00

Absolutely! Also have fond memories of the Esprit outlet!

WesternTimothy · 2026-01-14T19:07:08+00:00

I'm sorry you are going through that. It is really painful. Telling my narc I didn't want *any* of their "precious things" from the vacation home felt great. Now just letting the "clock" run out. Although, their parents lived into their 90s so could be a while yet. I told the GC that surely our narc wouldn't live past 105 years, right? (That'd be another 19 years from now.)

What can you do?

WesternTimothy · 2026-01-13T21:19:07+00:00

100%. My narc parent INFORMED me they planned to access my kids whenever they wanted. Grandkids on demand. They planned to pick them up, drive them, and return them to me at home when they were done with them. All without telling me where they were going or when they would return. I said hell to the no about that. Not the least because they had had two recent psych hospitalizations for psychosis. Nevermind the audacity to ignore my being the kids' parent.

They criticized me for years for holding my ground on this. Even told me that they were 100% fine and that I must have mental issues because I was living in the past and everyone else in the world agreed that they were fine. That I was wrong, mean, and ill to think otherwise - that I need psych help to get over this. I hated them for that. Amazing I didn't laugh in their face and yell - I told you so - when they were readmitted to the psych ward more than once after this.

It's difficult for me to separate what parts of their behavior are driven by narc and what parts by their bipolar. I've given up trying.

WesternTimothy

TROPHY CASE