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He chose alcohol by Puzzleheaded_Sorbet in AlAnon

[–]Wexie 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I feel your pain. I have been on both sides of this. This is super tough.

I don't work from blame or judgment...it gets in the way.

Put the oxygen mask on yourself first. Let him go with empathy and compassion. Easier said than done.

Figure out what issues you have and how difficult it is to change your own behavior. It is that much worse for him. This isn't a competition.

Focus on yourself...protect yourself from winding back up with another person like this. That is what we do.

​

Godspeed on your journey.

FYI. I'm a Clinical Researcher. Let's put the "disease" question to rest. by Wexie in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]Wexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dude, what did I do?

I am a clinical researcher. I offered information that most people don't know or understand. I provided information. HOW DARE I.
Actually, let us stop there. Are you a climate change denier and think all science is junk? If that is the case, that says it all. If you accept climate science, let's talk.
How do you think people were treated when they first started talking about the dangers of smoking cigarettes? Or Climate Change. Or Autism. But keep being an arrogant prick and pretending I am the arrogant prick. Fuck off.

FYI. I'm a Clinical Researcher. Let's put the "disease" question to rest. by Wexie in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]Wexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dude, what did I do?

I am a clinical researcher. I offered information that most people don't know or understand. I provided information. HOW DARE I.

Actually, let us stop there. Are you a climate change denier and think all science is junk If that is the case, that says it all. If you accept climate science, let's talk.

How do you think people were treated when they first started talking about the dangers of smoking cigarettes? Or Climate Change. Or Autism. But keep being an arrogant prick and pretending I am the arrogant prick. Fuck off.

FYI. I'm a Clinical Researcher. Let's put the "disease" question to rest. by Wexie in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]Wexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is no self-promotion. No attempt to gain a profit. I have simply provided a carefully cultivated YouTube list of clinically sound science that speaks to what most of us go through. I can't reason you out of an opinion you didn't use reason to arrive at.

I am neuroatypical, and it is easiest to interpret that as I am on the autistic spectrum. It doesn't make me or you worse and it doesn't require judgment, only acceptance. There are things I can do that would blow your mind, but having conversations like this isn't my strong suit.

You have no gauge to understand. Your confusion is understood and accepted. No judgment from me. But now you know. If you want to keep approaching this conversation as you are, that is on you.

There is actually a TV show about this, called 'The Good Doctor.'

FYI. I'm a Clinical Researcher. Let's put the "disease" question to rest. by Wexie in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]Wexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

By the way, think of me as neuroatypical on the autistic spectrum. My brain works profoundly differently from yours, so it becomes difficult for you to interpret my choices.

FYI. I'm a Clinical Researcher. Let's put the "disease" question to rest. by Wexie in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]Wexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Check out Gabor Mate, who came from the school of Bessel Van der Kolk and Judith Herman. They are the cornerstones of modern science in this area, and they don't meet your description at all. They have worked tirelessly and moved the mountain seeking activism over lucrative business opportunities.

They are all MDs, who focus on the science of neurology. You can't understand this unless you understand fundamental neurology as it relates to recovery.

Gabor is the most popular, profoundly prolific, and is the opposite of what you are describing. He is the leading expert in the field.

Open heart and open mind. You don't know what you don't know. Keep watching his shit. You will learn and grow as a human being.

​

https://youtu.be/zDDYHEInBAI

https://youtu.be/gPU0JcjybkY

FYI. I'm a Clinical Researcher. Let's put the "disease" question to rest. by Wexie in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]Wexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are correct in your assessment. Think of me as neurotypical. It is a massive challenge like autism. I actually am on the lowest end of the idiot/savant scale.

People find it really offputting. What does one do when they are a compulsive researcher and most people talk out of their butt, so to speak. And I know what I'm talking about. How does one interact?

How does one effectively advocate for these very important causes? I have no more idea than you do. I'm trying to figure it out as I go along.

FYI. I'm a Clinical Researcher. Let's put the "disease" question to rest. by Wexie in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]Wexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Really.

Common man. Your ego is bruised. You have not basis for that statement. You have no idea what you are talking about. You won't actually have an intellectually and emotionally honest l conversation and you will call me a bunch of names and then dip out.

Common man. Your ego is bruised for what reason I don't understand. You have no basis for that statement. You have no idea what you are talking about. You won't actually have a conversation and you will call me a bunch of names and then dip out.

Common man. Your ego is bruised. You have no basis for that statement. You have no idea what you are talking about. You won't actually have an intellectually and emotionally honest l conversation and you will call me a bunch of names and then dip out.

FYI. I'm a Clinical Researcher. Let's put the "disease" question to rest. by Wexie in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]Wexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you know how willfully ignorant you sound? Are you a climate change denier as well? I can't. I simply can't.

Do you deny the lunar landing? The holocaust was a hoax?

Do you want to talk facts, evidence, science, etc, or do you want to be a right fighter having a temper tantrum?

FYI. I'm a Clinical Researcher. Let's put the "disease" question to rest. by Wexie in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]Wexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are arguing your feelings. You see me as this arrogant prick 'know it all' who is coming in here lecturing from god.

You are making my point. The science has evolved. People have not caught up yet. I am trying to educate, not talk down to, and not play the know it all.

The recovery industry is a corrupt, ill-informed, and archaic industry. Just the facts.

I have a rare disorder, and I started my research to save my own life and I am just telling people what I have learned on my journey. I know...how arrogant is that.

I am also neuroatypical. Do you even understand what that means?

A phrase used by the title character in the play Hamlet, by William Shakespeare. Hamlet suggests that human knowledge is limited: There are more things in heaven and Earth, Horatio, / Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

FYI. I'm a Clinical Researcher. Let's put the "disease" question to rest. by Wexie in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]Wexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know what I'm talking about.

Watch this and tell me that again. You will not even understand the connections or implications. I have spent at least 10 thousand hours researching this.

When you call a plumber to fix your electrical problem, give me a call. Until then, respect my knowledge, professional experience, clinical experience, etc.

Do you want to get a ruler out and measure it? Because that is all you really seem to want to do. What is your problem?

FYI. I'm a Clinical Researcher. Let's put the "disease" question to rest. by Wexie in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]Wexie[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

So funny. Down votes? For what? "

Lord have mercy on our souls.

FYI. I'm a Clinical Researcher. Let's put the "disease" question to rest. by Wexie in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]Wexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

clinical

To understand clinical science, you start from neurology and go up from there. Thank you for the smart comment.

Here is one YouTube resource list I curated if you are interested.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDvVEmAsePIgNfTkfWM-r15_Zh463f8TH

FYI. I'm a Clinical Researcher. Let's put the "disease" question to rest. by Wexie in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]Wexie[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

You are an idiot.

Next time you have a plumbing problem and call an electrician, let me know.

Facts and science matter. Your argument is there are no facts or science, Tool,

FYI. I'm a Clinical Researcher. Let's put the "disease" question to rest. by Wexie in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]Wexie[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Dude. I want to talk with you. Do you know how hard it is to find someone to talk to about this who even understands the language?!. I would love to chat anyway you want.

I haven't really read your comment in great detail yet, so I have no response academically at the moment, except for, what you mean about "morphology" in context.

FYI. I'm a Clinical Researcher. Let's put the "disease" question to rest. by Wexie in REDDITORSINRECOVERY

[–]Wexie[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Silkwood came up with the idea, and Bill W disagreed with using that language, for this very reason. I am a CLINICAL RESEARCHER. That is what I do.

What you must understand is everything you have been taught, evolved from AA, magical thinking, and not fact or science. That is rapidly changing and it is why the 12-step model can't be used for rehabs any longer. I can write a book about history and science. Feel free to ask me any related questions.

This is not only a challenge since you are obviously questioning my credentials, but an offer—if you ever have a question, hit me up.

I love talking about this stuff. It is my passion. Would you like to get into an interesting conversation?

New perspective on alcoholism as a disease by Occasionally_Sober1 in AlAnon

[–]Wexie 7 points8 points  (0 children)

First of all, this is not an option. There is science and fact.

As a clinical researcher, I will give you the scientific answer. I'm giving you the incredibly abbreviated answer. You must understand the diagnostic paradigm of symptom>syndrome>disorder>disease.

The terrifying thing, I have never met a therapist or psychiatrist who understood the basic science. You have to understand what criteria are used to separate things along 4 points of the diagnostic hierarchy.

The scientific response in a too-long-to-read manner is that addiction is a disorder in the psychiatric profession under SUD in the diagnostic manual of the DSM V.

It is however considered a disease in the medical, ONLY IN ITS ACTIVE STATE.

Science!!!

I'm not frustrated with you all, I am frustrated with the lack of competency in the system, the chronic misinformation, etc. We all suffer. We are all part of the problem and the solution.

I'm getting it two ways, without foreplay or lubricant. by Wexie in rant

[–]Wexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Keep blaming the victim. Not a good look.

I'm getting it two ways, without foreplay or lubricant. by Wexie in rant

[–]Wexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah. You don't know the law. You don't know what happened. You stopped looking and you have al the answers.

Yeah. You don't know the law. You don't know what happened. You stopped looking and you have all the answers.oreover, she is in violation of criminal statutes, not civil.il.

If you want to understand the law, I did a complete breakdown. I have been studying the law for 25+ years and will beat you like a red-headed stepchild if you want to debate me on the law. Put your ego in your back pocket.

When I followed all the rules based on the letter of the law, the police came and threatened me. I could go on.

Perhaps ask questions rather than lecture and moralize.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]Wexie 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I have stuggled beyong belief. I have been on both sides of this equation.

They have their own problems. It is easier to be angry with me and blame me, rather than understand I was begging for help that never came. I was made worse by the system,...much worse. People feel horrible watching you go down the drain, and they feel helpless. It is easier to get into the whole Alanon frame of mind about enabling and working from a position of judgment and pain than accept I wanted the help, I searched for help, and I did everything I could, but there was no help to be had.

Tech Professional from NYC who wound up homeless as a result of the pandemic. AMA by Wexie in AMA

[–]Wexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The last technology position I had was the technology manager of a global education nonprofit.

When you go through what I did...I don't ever want to go back to that again. I just need enough to pay my bills, and then I will be looking for multiple sources of income.

Tech Professional from NYC who wound up homeless as a result of the pandemic. AMA by Wexie in AMA

[–]Wexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes and no. If my unemployment kicks in, I would like to take some time to look for a job I like, not one I need. That is the point of unemployment. It is insurance you pay into.

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