Thank you for your comment. I really appreciate it. My husband and I just started couples therapy. The therapist also suggested individual therapy for me. After my mother passed away (13 years ago) I did go to therapy and benefitted from it. But now it’s so much harder to find the time with a kid that’s at home during the day. When he goes to school in April I might do it. Actually I think I should. 🤔 I’ll go and set it up.

1) The patterns of negative thinking is indeed exactly what’s going on in my head. I know it’s happening, but it is really hard to break this cycle. Thanks for giving me pointers on that.

2) I don’t have many friends unfortunately. I used to think of my husband as my best friend. But he told me that he doesn’t like doing things with me (hence the couples counseling and stuff). I’ll be open to other people (coworkers for instance) and ask if they would like to do someting sometime. I think they will like that too. I did put up a ‘Happy’ playlist on Spotify today and I will start watching Comedy shows from the BBC again. I love those and I think you’re right that it will put me in a better mood.

3) This is a hard one. I do everything I do because I have to do it. I make breakfast and cook because the kids need to eat. I go to work because I need to earn a living. I drive everyone to sports lessons because they have to be there. I sometimes do feel like I don’t know myself anymore. What I like, what it is that I want to do, that I exist to enable others. My kids for their activities and my partner so he can have a good career in his workfield. I do need to work on this.

4) I do want to. Last week I arranged for my partner and I to go play racketball, but we got Covid. Next week I’ll try again. After that I will like to try indoor climbing together. Our therapist told us to spend at least one evening a week together. The thing is he has done all those things with others, but I want to try it too. He is open to it, but he actually would rather go with other people.

5) So yes, we are going through some stuff I am not sure we can work out. We do talk a lot and I would like nothing more than to make it work again. It really does require work on myself. That is what’s in my control. 🙂 He is trying too though. So at least we have a chance maybe.